Test Revival with Doctrine

Commentary by John Piper on Lee Grady's 'Lament and Critique of the Lakeland 'Revival'".

Rejoice, for you are the chosen one!

I always ask myself a question: what is my source of joy? When I am happy, what and who am I happy for? When I am upset, what and who upsets me and steal my joy? There is nothing wrong with feeling happy or upset about something or someone, but if that emotion is too strong and overtakes my desire for God, I have committed the sin of unbelief, or even idolatry. Well, this is just my opinion.

For example, I am not too happy at the moment, because I gave up my chance to travel around the world as a cabin crew. Seeing my dreams fleeting or delaying to whenever that is, I am disappointed. Therefore I ask myself: is travelling giving you more fulfilment than being obedient to God? Will God not able to fulfil all your longings and desires whether in this temporal life or most importantly eternal life? Why are you seeking ways to edify your earthly desires, for temporal fulfilment?

If only you can grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge… remain in Christ’s love, so that Christ’s joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Why are you looking for friends somewhere else, Christ has called you his friend, even lay down his life for you. He is alive, you know it, but do you believe it? If you believe it, how to you respond to the fact that Christ is alive and he is with you?

It is ok that you do not have a life being envious by the world. It is ok that you are being ordinary from the world’s point of view. It is ok that you are being unpopular. It is ok that you cannot please everyone. Why? Because you don’t have to, you belong to Christ alone. You are being accepted and you are unique in his eyes because he has created you according to his own image, and gives grace for you to repent and to believe in him, he chose you. Your value is neither determined by how the world evaluates you, nor by how people regard you, nor how much money you have, nor your status, nor how much knowledge you have, nor who you befriend with, nor how good-looking you are, nor your fashion sense, nor how many countries you travelled… Your value is in Christ, for who you are in Christ. Christ has chosen you, not because of who you are or what you did, but because of his mercy and grace. Isn’t that gives you enough reason to rejoice?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died- more than that, who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - my favourite passage: Romans 8

Yes, you are Christ’s, stop doubting. You cannot even separate yourself from Christ’s love by doubting him. So rejoice! Rejoice! REJOICE! Worship him! Free yourself from all the worries, rejoice! Cast your burdens unto Jesus, rejoice! Put your hope in Jesus, rejoice! Be excited for what he is going to accomplish, rejoice! For his Kingdom come, rejoice!

Abba Father, what a privillege to be known as your sons and daughters!

Lilis and I shared something quite sweet last night I thought is a great encouragement for both of us so I think I just share it on my blog.

We reminded each other that God is our Father, He is watching us, and smiling, He delights in us, He sees us grow, and sees us stumble when we learn to walk, He loves us, no longer angry with us, because of Christ. Because of Christ - what a sweet phase…

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline

and do not resent his rebuke,

because the LORD disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in.” – Proverbs 3:11~12

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

because the Lord disciplines those he loves,

and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

– Hebrews 12:5~6

“It is kind of beautiful when Hebrews 12:4 and Proverbs 3, OT and NT agree with each other.

I just learnt again about father and son. He disciplines those are his sons for our good so we may share his holiness. and I’m glad the scripture is so honest about discipline, it said it will seem painful rather than pleasant to be revoked. but it YIELDS the peaceful fruit of righteousness. we will later have peace after the purification.

If we dont get discipline, we are illegitimate children. So it says that u and me are true child of God. and He said to look at Jesus example, Jesus looked forward to the joy that was set before him (the reward) to endure the cross. Looking on the reward is so biblical.” – Lilis

Other than that, because we have this intimate relationship with God the Father, we can cry out to Him in our troubles, we can ask Him questions, but in a humble way, like David, like Job. Because they have been walking closely with God, He is no longer a stranger for them, but someone they can cry out or pour out too. To cry out or to question can be a form of worship too, when we acknowledge God's sovereignty and putting Him in the right position in our lives.

Lastly, we reminded each other of the hope we have in the future which is described in 1 Corinthians 15: about the gospel, the resurrection of Christ, and how we are going change, and death no longer has victory over us… Therefore, we must stand firm, and let nothing move us. Always give ourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because we know that our labour in the Lord is not in vain.

God is watching... and smiling! =)

I wish I can record everything that God has done faithfully in my life. Someone told me that, there is not an experience in life that is going to be wasted; all can be used by God to teach, encourage, and build me up for His further purpose in my life. Mum said that my unemployment is like a holiday, with the visits and companies of many friends, I am enjoying myself in the midst of uncertainties. I found something to boast of: Christ who lives in me has never leaved me nor forsake me, his power and grace is present, he is alive and real.

Throughout the second half of last year until now I have been facing immense challenges. I have learnt, and grown, in wisdom of life and the love of Christ. Biggest lesson God trying to teach me is, live simple, live for Christ alone. Am I able to let go of the love and desires for the world, am I able to show Christ’s glory at the cost of my ambitions and worldly desires?

He has put me into a difficult situation. He knows I love travelling, and see the world, and somehow being glamorous, being envied by others. What is a better job than being a flight stewardess? Everything seems so perfect, the pay, the travel, the glamour, the cool aviation crew friends, and the chance to get to know people from all around the world… but there are certain things I need to ‘sacrifice’ if I take on this job. I will spend less time with the church and friends, I might being tied up and could not attend a good preaching, I might feel tired travelling and compromise my time spending with God, especially flying long hours in the plane, will I do my quiet time and bible study while I fly? Besides, I might face a lot of temptations and making compromises.

I do not know if I have made the right choice, choosing to work on the ground, working 5 days a week in a hospital, sounds boring huh… I don’t know… somehow I think this is better for me to grow, learn and serve God. I know the student ministry needs staffworker, I know the children ministry in church needs tuition teachers… I know in the hospital the patients need to hear the gospel… maybe the reality is not as fancy as I would imagine or describe, but somehow I know this is a better opportunity to serve and witness God. (Well, actually I made the decision because I cannot really wait and take risk anymore; the hospital needs an answer so I just say yes).

Ya so I made the decision and still trying to persuade myself that I made the right choice… I know this is a stressful job and I will face a lot of challenges in every way, but that makes me rely on God more than relying on myself. And I need to explain this to the airline, the friends who helped me to get into the aviation industry, and the cabin crew friends whom I just knew… Don’t know what is going to happen next so just commit everything in God’s hands.

Christ vs. Moralism

This article compares the true gospel with moralism, perfectionism, and legalism which are quite common in most churches today. Just wanna share this link with you all.

Christ vs. Moralism by John W. Hendryx

Restless Anne

I am grilled more and more day after day, I hope I would not get burnt. 2, 3, or even 4 jobs on hold and cannot do anything but wait, this is worse than anything. So what? Why wait? Why doesn’t God just give me a reply straight away? The longer I wait, the more likely I am going to lose all the possibilities and offend those who offered me jobs.

The biggest lesson God has taught me this year is WAITING, wait in patience, wait in hope, and wait for deliverance. If the situation is within my control, I wished I can just do something about it and get it done or get over it. But waiting is humbling me and reminding me that I am not in control, but God is. It takes a lot of faith and courage to believe that God is in control, He is wise and He loves me.

Yet, I am not going to have another good night sleep if the situation is not being solved. I am stuck, literally stuck that there is nothing I can do about the situation. I do not know how long it is going to take before they let me know whether I am taken or not, I do not know how long it will be before another position offered is being taken by another person. There is a big chance either I am getting both job offers, or losing both.

Again, it humbles me. God is God, and I am not. As a servant who submitted my will to my Lord, I can only wait in patience and obey whatever is coming. Perhaps, it is my duty to worship and rejoice even in the midst of restlessness and anxiety. I believe this is a God-given challenge for me to learn and overcome.

Who am I to question God?

I read this same passage/verse twice a day from different books, and it amazed me how Job had reacted to adversities which had happened in his life. After Satan afflicted Job by killing his family and properties, Job did not complain or doubt God's goodness, instead he fell to the ground and worship, and said,

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

The bible also says, in everything which had happened to Job, he did not sin by charge God with wrongdoing.

So how should I response to this passage? Or what should I learn from Job? Indeed, everything that I have in life is given to me by God's grace, they are all belong to the Lord's, and He has the right to give, and the right to take away. He has the right to bless, and He has the right to bring disaster or afflictions. Nevertheless, he deserved to be praised, worshiped and glorified, for He is the God who created all things, He is perfect and Holy, He is sovereign and supreme, He sent His son Jesus to show us His invisible being. Even only for the fact that He is my God, my Lord, my master, he deserves my worship to the full without questioning.

"Lord, I praise you for who you are, you are holy and without blemish. You have great wisdom, and your thoughts are beyond my thoughts, and your ways are higher than my ways. Who am I to question you? Who am I to complain or doubt your sovereignty? I am just a sinner, a sinner who does not have the right to defend anything because I have sinned against you. I can only plead for your mercy and grace. Have mercy on this helpless little child, who is helpless against the evil realm, against the temptations of the world, against the deceptions and lies of princes of the world. Nevertheless, you are in control above all, I put my hope in the promise of eternal life in the Kingdom which is to come. I have the reason to rejoice in the midst of sufferings and struggles, and everything seems so insignificant in compared to the hope of seeing you face to face, not through visualisation of the description of you in the bible, not through other people's words, but I will see you, with my own eyes, and declare you are God, and I will give all the glory to you, until forever and ever. From that day onwards, there is nothing could stop me from knowing you, and rejoicing in you, nothing could stop me from praising and worshiping you. I will wait for that day, in patience and perseverance, I will be a good witness, to draw more people to you. You are my greatest desire, Lord, nothing else can compare to your greatness, not money, not relationships, not glamour, not fame, not wisdom, not knowledge, not family, not anything in this world can compare to your surpassing greatness and glory. May all worship and glory be unto your holy name. Amen"

Thank God the world needs me!

After the dark period of life suddenly I feel there are so many changes and my life is at the turning point. Rejections after rejections of many job applications and relationship were very discouraging. However acceptance after acceptance of possibilities can be exciting but stressful as well. My job application and interview has never actually failed in my job search in Singapore. Firstly I got a conditioned job offer by a nutrition consultant company but due to complications with employment pass application until now I am still waiting for the response from the Ministry of Manpower after 2 months. Due to my losing hope of getting my EP and seeking for another path I went for walk-in-interview for cabin crew position at a local airline. I was happy and grateful for God as I passed all 4 rounds for interviews and being selected as potential air crew out of hundreds of interviewees. I went to the pre-employment briefing but still need approval from my medical check up report and EP application. I was a bit shaken when I was called in yesterday for taking another X-ray to confirm my mild scoliosis (curve at the backbone). Then I was not sure if I should put too much hope in getting the job as most of the girls are getting ready for their training on 7^th August.

Oh before that I met up with a staff worker of FES (Fellowship of Evangelical Students) here and heard about their need of a staff worker for the uni side. Then I was considering about that position and prayed about it. However since I got 'accepted' by the airline I did not follow up until further update.

In addition, to make things more complicated, I received an email today for a 2^nd interview with a hospital for Food and Beverage Executive position. The 1^st interview was at the beginning of last month and I thought there’s no hope so I almost forget about this job application. But I am going for another interview tomorrow morning! Hey what is going on? How am I going to solve the problem of lodging 3 EP applications at the same time? How do I make the final decision according to the Lord’s mighty will? This is funny but stressful hahaha…. Guess I can just pray and make a way through in choosing the best path… May God give me wisdom and get through this situation as soon as possible… In Jesus Precious Name I pray, Amen.

Church day

I had a special Sunday last week. Got to know an ex-OCFer and current staffworker of FES Singapore through Philip, and I followed her to Holy Trinity Anglican church. It was a good experience, learnt about apostle Paul’s focus, priority, devotion, and attitude according to Philippians, and got to know some very friendly church members and local CFers.

In the late afternoon, I went to another church introduced by Lilis, was surprised initially because I realised the service will be conducted in Indonesian language. I’d never attend an Indonesian church or service in my life, therefore I was a bit nervous. Nevertheless, I was surprised by the number of people attended the service, and the ‘presence’, I mean the worship was very powerful when all the congregation sang and give glory to God together. Although everything conducted in a rather traditional way other than the rock or modern style, I feel that is something I familiar with and can identify with the church which I used to go to when I was a child, and perhaps close to my idea of how a church suppose to be. I was even more excited when the choir sung a traditional hymn orchestra by Felix Mendelssohn, was amazed by the glory and awe which no words can describe, it actually enabled me to have a glimpse of God’s glory.

When the speaker Rev. Ps. Stephen Tong went up the stage to start to share and preach, he looks somehow familiar, I felt like I seen him somewhere before, but I could not remember. Though I was a bit struggling at understanding Indonesian language, I was impressed at myself that I actually could understand 60-70% of the whole service since I received Malay education since young. Pastor was sharing about the story Joseph’s brothers when they arrived Egypt to buy grains, and Joseph put the silver cup inside Benjamin’s grain sack when they about to leave. He relate the passage to other Christians who being treated unjustly, like Wang Ming Dao, my tears start falling when he shared about the story of Wang Ming Dao, of how he defended the gospel and being persecuted by the Chinese Communist. He talked about Christians will be persecuted and face suffering, and where our treasure is, there our heart is. Well sorry I am neither a good summariser nor reporter nor I noted down anything during the sermon. But my point is I enjoyed the service and shedding a little light of truth and who God is more touching and powerful to me than telling any me other good doctrines.

Today I found out I attend this preacher’s evangelical talks when I was young, and he can actually speak Mandarin and is a well-known preacher among Asia. He has a great impact on the Christian world in Asia and even Europe and America. It was my privilege to be able to shake hand with him after the service even I did not really know who he was.

Don’t misunderstand I am not trying to promote or idolise this well-known preacher, nor I think he is perfect. He is a man used by God to reach out to many people, but I do respect his zeal and knowledge and willingness to serve God with his whole life. I respect people who take God’s Word seriously and live and die for the sake of the gospel. I pray that other churches will follow and be radical, no more just following traditions or set of marketing principles but question everything and find the answers from careful investigation of the Bible.

Job wanted

From au pair to nutritionist, from admin assistant to management trainee, from bartender to tour guide, any exciting job opportunity can be introduced to me. I want to connect and contribute to the world. I am not perfect but not a bad person. Please drop a comment if you have a job to offer and want to know more about me.

Volunteer projects or translation (Chinese to English and vice versa) projects can be considered as well.

I can talk, listen, act, walk, run, read, write, draw, type, think, sing, dance, cook, serve, carry, pray....

I can be a great friend and loyal worker.

Just give me a job! sigh.

Maybe this explained why I do not have a job yet.

Please pray

Brothers and Sisters in Christ:

I need your prayers, please pray for me, as I need:

- a vision, a calling from God about what to do in near future, and what and how am I suppose to achieve it.

- a good church which I could settle, serve, fellowship, and build my support network.

- Mental and emotional strength and clarity in discerning the small voices of God and also my real passion and purpose in life.

- Being able to persist and persevere in pursuing the goal/vision.

- Sustaining provision of financial, food and daily needs.

Thank you for your precious time and may God bless you with His unfailing love.

Yours faithfully,

Anne Lim

Melaka trip

Nigel drove Cedric and I to Melaka for a short trip on my way back to KL. We had lots and lots of food… As Cedric keep saying ‘Solid ah!’, ‘Syok oh!’, and you’ll know how good the food is, haha. After almost one hour search of the exact location of the hotel, we checked in and start our quest for good food in Melaka. We came up with a theme: Seafood, and started driving along the coast to see if there is any seafood restaurant. It was very hard to decide but we ended up in a Peranakan restaurant at the seaside. We ordered steamed white pomphret, chilli crab, spicy lala, and salted fish wtih beansprouts. It was a very nice meal with nice atmosphere (although was a bit cold and too breezy for me), yea I definitely recommend it and will go back again.

After dinner we went for a walk at Jonker Walk, had our dessert there – famous cendol with gula Melaka (palm sugar). Had a look at Cheng Hoon Theng, a famous old temple, and bought some pineapple tarts for supper. We went back to the hotel, had some pineapple tarts and learnt about wine tasting and appreciation from Cedric the wine guru. Then we watched the exciting Euro Cup Final soccer match at about 3am and I was uplifted by the victory of my favourite team – Spain.

Second day, we got up and had breakfast in the hotel, then swam in the swimming pool. After swimming of course we got hungry again! After buying my bus ticket to KL we had famous Melaka chicken rice balls for lunch and another cendol for dessert! We visited the maritime museum, and the 500 years old fort A Famosa, due to the heat and our laziness we decided not to go uphill to see the ruins of St Paul’s church. Guess what, we had more food again, for afternoon tea in the fully-air conditioned mega shopping complex, we had XXXL crispy chicken leg and oyster noodles from Taiwan.

Overall it was a nice and relaxing trip, thanks for Cedric and Nigel for their wonderful company and friendship, I will pray that our cholesterol level will remain healthy and possibly have another adventure sometime in the future.

Tried to upload some photos but maybe the photo size is too big so I cannot upload them.

May my life be part of God's purpose

The reason I had that passion is not only God is so great, but it grieves my heart when I see people ignorant of God. If only they know who God is, if they know how great His Holiness and Glory is, if only they experience ‘the joy of the Lord is our strength’, if they know everything in this world worth much less and will bring much less joy for them compared to what God has to offer.

They are blinded, they do not take God’s Word seriously, it is a love letter from God, it is God’s Word that is written for our sake, I cannot see why we do not handle it carefully and handle it under submission to God. People focus on the miracles and gifts that God would bring for them, they focus on how much money is God able to generate for their church, they focus on how God will make them a better person, they focus on how they will glorify God in a worldly way so they can attract more churchgoers. They talk about salvation, and God’s love, they talk about how we suppose to do in response to Christ’s crucifixion. But they could not understand that Cross is not only for us, but His work on the Cross has revealed God’s Glory and Power.

I want to learn and know how to teach the Bible as it is. I want to show people His Glory through reading His Word, I want to be like Philip, being an instrument of God explaining the Scripture to the Ethiopian Eunuch and sharing the good news.

I know the spiritual battle is real, and satan is doing everything to stop me from being functional for God’s Kingdom. But I will fight, not because without me God cannot do anything, His plans will still prosper, but if I don’t fight for God, my life will be in vain and meaningless. Let me make use of the precious gift of life which is given by Him, and may my life counts.

My Life Plan

As Lilis has requested, I think I should update a little bit what’s going on in my life recently. I am back in KL again, feeling good after meeting my former workmate in Te Anau, New Zealand. It is my first time to be a host for people who comes from another country. We visited to Central Market and Masjid Jamek, took a train to KLCC, had char kuey teow and asam laksa at Madam Kuan’s, then we walked from there to Bukit Bintang, had some ais kacang and mango shake, and walked back to Chinatown. Well I forgot I am in KL and my parents were worrying about me for not picking their phone calls, got yelled by mum for hanging out for so late, suddenly I felt I lost my freedom, but then I understand that was because they cared about me.

A job, well, not yet. I am still looking for one, hopefully can settle down after a long long break after graduation. My real and ultimate passion is to proclaim and witness Christ in what I do in my life. The Glory of God is so awesome that I would not compromise anything to pursue it, that’s my passion. Yet I am very weak and frail, and faith without works is dead, not going to church and not fellowshipping with other believers mean my faith is worthless. I will, find a church to commit after I decided where am I going to work and stay, I will. I want to learn more about God in the Bible, and church history, and I want to learn another language, Spanish, so preparing myself to other countries in the future.

My other passion is travelling, and experiencing another culture. My dream is one day I can travel with a purpose, to reach to the unreached. I want to learn how to tell them and engage them about Christ, and how great He is, and how privileged is for us to worship this God in spirit and in truth. In order to achieve that dream, firstly I need to settle down, build my own supporting network from a good church fellowship and from ex-OCFers from New Zealand. Then I need to start work, to gain work experience and save money. After that when opportunity comes, I will go and start my whole new adventure again.

May I worship the Lord by offering myself as a living sacrifice for Him. May my life magnifies His Glory and proclaims His name whenever I go and whatever I do. Amen.

Goodbye

It is over, finally

Everything is over

Nothing to hold on

Nothing to miss

It has gone

No longer controlled by you

No longer suffer quietly in that secret corner

No more tears for you

No more waste of time

You never deserve it

Let go, recharge, and move on.

Switch my focus

I swear I will live better without you

One day you will understand everything

Maybe

But it will be too late

The damage has been done

The deep scar you gave me

There is nothing could repair

Thank you tho

For let me learn how much love would cost

I will ever more cherish the love of the Cross

Glad that I tried my best

I gave my all

However

That is it, no more

Once again I will look upon the Cross

Only He deserves my all.

Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me

Text: Augustus M. Toplady, 1740-1778
Music: Thomas Hastings, 1784-1872

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee;
let the water and the blood,
from thy wounded side which flowed,
be of sin the double cure;
save from wrath and make me pure.

Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's commands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
thou must save, and thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee. 

Introduced by Scott Mackay at TSCF conference last year, I fell in love with this song at the first time I hear it. May this song be the words from my heart.

Memory

by Andrew Lloyd Webber

Midnight, not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is shining alone.
In the lamplight the whithered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan.
Daylight, see the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses wither away
Like the sunflower I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day
Now Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different jellicle life
Memory, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Sunlight, through the trees in the summer
Endless masquerading
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
The memory is fading
Touch me, it's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun

Lord I miss you

Yesterday I did something which I deeply regret now even how I tried to persuade myself it’s ok. I dyed my hair. Convinced by my mother I should lighten my hair colour so I won’t look too serious. However due to lack of hair dye choosing experience I chose a very light colour that doesn’t suit me at all. And I realised something, not only I lost my original healthy black colour which the Lord gave me, I lost myself too.

No matter how long I lived here, I always feel lost. Home is unlike home. Concrete jungle and a cage-like apartment is never my cup of tea. I have to admit that I miss New Zealand. I miss the mountains, lakes, rivers and the sea. They don’t seemed as dynamic as the hustle bustle in the big city, but they have more life compared to everything here, they are the creation of God, which created for humans.

My soul feels empty, one day emptier than another. Trying hard to catch up with the fashion and make up stuff and fill up the expectation of my mother after she criticised my outward appearance. I tried to be “beautiful” according to the standards of city people, it is almost ‘compulsory’ to read fashion magazines and buy the “right” cosmetic kits for myself. Still, the more I indulge in it, the more I feel empty, and destroy the original beauty: imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:4).

Lord, living in a city bombarded by the temptations to buy, and doing nothing for building up your Kingdom, is much worse than living in poverty and persecuted by bearing your name. I wished I can serve You, but why is it so hard? I do not ask for fame, wealth, career or even marriage, I just want to serve You. But I don’t even have the channel to do it. I failed to see your Glory, and failed to show it to others. I live as indifference with the world even my heart does not want to. Show me a way out, show me a way Lord, I can do whatever You will, just to bring meaning to my life.

Division

My mother and my brother are those who hear the word of God and do it.

“Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.

No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.

I said I don't care

When this life is is going to be over? Glad that I don’t have much attachment in life my life on earth, so I am ready to return to Jesus anytime He appointed. Life is exhausting, I have no more energy. What remaining is hatred and dissatisfaction. I am ashamed to be called as a Christian, I have sinned greatly against whom I declared to believe. I have come to a point that am too shameful to ask for forgiveness. Just like many other Christians, I am a hypocrite. I have seen no genuine love, nor be able to show genuine love to other people. I am helpless against everything, unable to listen from God, unable to teach the Bible. What is any use for me as a Christian? How long should I be waiting? There is no hope. It is IMPOSSIBLE to be pure and blameless in this corrupted world, lest I have the capacity to endure. Truth is no where to be taught, love is no where to be seen, or I have hardened my heart so I could not hear the truth, and could not accept the love from God? Why do I have a brother like that? Why do I live in a society like this? Why am I not a princess?

Who cares? I am sick of all this, I don’t care.