Homesick

I miss home. Never felt this homesick until today after the first few months of my first arrive in this country. I realised how much blessed I was in Malaysia, “spoiled” by the love, care and protection from my family, and being so abundant. For my parents, I am so important to them that they have given me all the best things. I felt more ‘important’ there: the children in my workplace loves me and respects me, my workmates like me, my parents pampered me, my brother obeys me, and my friends treasured me. Everything was familiar to me back home, and I kind of fit in the social expectation there. I enjoyed the weather, the food, the entertainment, and the environment there. I can speak the languages that everyone can understand without difficulty. I have the same skin colour as everyone else; I enjoyed what people enjoy there. I ‘belong’ to there – because it is my home. Just because I had ‘tasted’ what I considered ‘the best’, somehow I feel not satisfy with what I have at the moment.

Shift the focus from me to Jesus, how did he felt when he left God and incarnated into a weak human being? It must be very frustrated that he had given up all his power, authority, and glory. He must felt very lonely indeed, especially in the wilderness, he was tested all ways by the devil. The degree of difference between Jesus owns EVERYTHING and became NOTHING must be much bigger than the difference of the times in my life when I was abundant and poor. I remembered my teacher in high school told us that the saddest thing is not that we always have nothing, but is that we had everything before, and lost it all. It’s like Job, he was a very rich man, and has seven sons and three daughters. He possessed many animals (properties), and has many servants; he was considered the greatest of all the people of the east. But later on, everything was taken away from him, even his own health. How did he feel, when he lost everything? Will you and I ever understand/comprehend the degree of pain and suffering he went through? How about Jesus? He was the Son of God, he was above everything, possessed everything, and yet became nothing! He even suffered and died on the cross! The bible clearly indicates that Jesus indeed being in an agony and prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground! I would say that we will never understand how much he had suffered and went through until we truly see what He has (or rather who he is) in the heaven!

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13

…for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:12-13

This is what I ought to learn from Paul, to be able to rejoice and content by gaining strength from Christ all the time. I have to believe that Jesus loves me and accepted me, and will give me the best thing in the universe – God Himself and enjoy him forever. If only I can fully believe and recognise that, I will do whatever I can to persevere and wait upon Jesus!

This is a selfish world.

As I read through the required text for marketing paper, I pondered upon some issues that I’ve been facing at work. The book author suggested that people are basically selfish – it is a part of human nature. “This selfishness, though hidden, is present in all human activity (particularly employers), is necessary in order to survive and is not automatically ‘bad’. The idea strikes me especially when he mentioned the reality is all employers run on selfishness. He speaks out exactly how I feel: ‘My employer doesn’t really care for the customers the way I do. They just selfishly want to gain profit. So, why should I help them?’ On the other hand, the manager might think: “These selfish employees! All they want is more money and less work. Why should I be interested in listening to them?” (taken from When Customers think we don’t care: 2nd edition of the enemy within by Richard W. Buchanan) In the end, everyone is not happy with each other, instead of doing their best, they just perform minimal duty and give minimal reward (wages).

I guess this is the root problem of the dilemma: human nature of selfishness. That doesn’t meant that I agree with everything the book says, just that I admit selfishness is part of our fallen nature. The bible says, do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2) And the rest of the passage describes Jesus’s example of humility. Jesus doesn’t wants us to be selfish.

I’m so used to the community of committed Christians that everyone is usually selfless and striving to apply biblical principles in their lives: love one another, forgive one another, for Christ first loved us, and laid down His life for our sins. I feel comfortable working with them, partnering with them in the work of the gospel, and serve the Lord. However, I didn’t realise that in the “real world”, it is different. People generally are selfish; people are not living under the grace of God. Therefore I shouldn’t assume that everyone is selfless and work the same way as Christ’s followers do.

I came back from work everytime almost in tears. I am full of anger, resentment, due to the unfair treatment, unrewarding experience (other than wages) and exhaustion from work. I couldn’t stop myself from complaining about everyone. I found it so hard to accept the way people are. The challenge for me is: will I able to give my best into work and serve cheerfully even in difficult, unmotivated, selfish environment? In fact, I should not expect to live in Christian circles throughout my life, even Christians can be very selfish, because the Kingdom of God is yet to come! Therefore, by what principles should I live on? Should I automatically assume that everyone is selfish and I myself become selfish as well in order to fit in and survive? Should I work for the sake of money only so that I could feel better?

In Romans 12:1-6 says, I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I turned to Ephesians 6:5 – slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.

The keypoint is here: serve and please the Lord, not the man. The next verse: knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. It is funny that my motivation to work is still selfish: to receive back from the Lord! Indeed, I am selfish! But it is better to seek reward from the Lord than man.

Last verse to encourage myself and whoever experiences the same kind of suffering: But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. (2 Corinthians 4:7-10)

In the end, all these things will soon become past, and the only thing that remained is my character: the spirit that sanctified by God. I will see God, with my own eyes. When I cling to that hope, the present sufferings doesn’t really matter anymore.

Easter Camp 2007

Organised by PNOCF & WICF

40 Hour Famine

Give Basics Give Life! Sponsor me on 40 Hour famine on my website. Help the children!

Reasons Believers in Christ Need Not to Be Afraid

Spiritual Immunity

We knew that in order to prevent sickness we need to strengthen our immune system daily through getting enough rest, drink plenty of water, and eat nutritious foods. When we do not take care ourselves properly, our immune system will be weakened, eventually collapsed and we get sick. I believe that our emotional and spiritual health works the same way too. When I do not seek rest and gradually losing joy and peace in God, I get very tired and weary. In the end, I found it more difficult to resist temptations and spiritual attacks. I feel more difficult to control my temper, easily get depressed and less patience. The most critical thing is, I found it difficult to pray and read (or meditate) the Scripture.

I do not know what is the most effective way to maintain this “spiritual immunity”. At the moment, I found constant prayers (to be in the presence of God) and worship (do things for God’s glory and honour God) helpful. In that way, I can be reminded of God’s grace and the gospel thus gives me hope and joy so that I can draw strength from it.

Just to share a few Scripture verses:

2 Timothy 2:1 You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.

Nehemiah 8:10 The joy of the Lord is your strength.

Isaiah 40:31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Ephesians 3:14-21 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, Amen.

Don’t know if these verses are appropriate in this context. Anyway, I think the vitamins to be prescribed for spiritual immunity are: grace of Jesus, joy of the Lord, hope for the Lord, love of Christ, and power of Holy Spirit. In one word: God!

Does it make sense?

My first assignment is about the sensory physiology of the migration of wildebeest. How interesting is that…

No one is more worthy of Praise than my God

Finally my summer holiday ends. It has been wonderful that I’ve seen how much God has blessed me in my life. I have an awesome family who loves me and supports me so much, and I have my second family here – more than OCF, actually I describe it as a family of Christian students. God has answered my prayers; I was worrying about finding a place to stay in Palmy while I was in Malaysia. My heart is constantly wrestling about worry or not to worry. Should I try my best to look for a flat? Or leave it to God? I tried look for flat through internet, but I hardly can do anything: I couldn’t visit the flat by myself, I do not know who are my flatmates and how would they be like. Then I prayed to God. In the past, when I pray, I just submitted everything to God, and let Him decide everything for me. But this time, don’t know why, I listed my requirements of the flat that I want to: I want Christian flatmates (its best if I know them), I want a somewhat nice flat (not those old, dirty and spooky ones), I want the flat in a good location (better close to town), and of course reasonable rate and furniture included. Well, sounds very choosy, but guess what, God gave them all to me! Even much better than I expected! Now I’m living in a double-storey recently painted house, with 3 big bedrooms, 1 big kitchen, dining room, and a big lounge. I got all my furniture for free, all the electronic stuffs like washing machine, fridge, microwave are provided by generous friends, and the most important: awesome flatmates! One of them works with international student ministry, she is a Chinese Malaysian, another one is the leader of teachers college Christian group, and my good friend! I’m actually planning a mission trip to Taiwan end of this year with her. How awesome is this! God is extremely patient, loving, caring and faithful to me, what else can I ask for?

BESIDES, before this morning I was actually doubting if I should do church hopping as I wasn’t sure if my current church is right for me. I do not know exactly what I expect from church, but I know something was missing there, in the church which I always go to. However, this morning I went there again, and I was overwhelmed! This morning is a special service combined with Chinese congregation, when we start singing worshipping the Lord, my heart was melted! Something missing has come back into my heart! The worship reminded me of childhood, during the early times that I started knowing God and worship God as a family and community in my hometown. I guess maybe it was because of the bilingual service that was so similar to my church back home. However, it is more than that, the strong force of God presence has swept me over and over, I can feel the power of the Holy Spirit entered me, and when the new pastors started to share their testimony, I could not control myself anymore, my tears just keep falling down and I was so overwhelming with joy. I do not experience this often, the last time I was like this was the day of my baptism. At that time, that was the tears of repentance, I cried because I recognised how sinful I was, and by grace God has forgiven me through Jesus Christ. But now is different, this is the tears of joy. As I am working out what does it meant by being a joyful Christian and glorify God, the Spirit has touched me. I feel so much joy in my heart that no words can describe. It is different than happy, it is a deep, heavy, hearty feeling of thankfulness and happiness I describe as true joy! I was so happy that God has sent two pastors to the church, and they are so humble and truly love and wants to serve the community. I just want to be involved in this church, and grow and serve under the leadership of one or both pastors. I can see much hope and potential in the growth of the church, both spiritual growth and growth of community. My conclusion for the day is: even we do not deserve to request God for anything, He still wants us to ask Him, and He will provide, and provide generously, abundantly. What God ask from us, is just submission, honour, and love for Him, so that His glory can be displayed. Who else is more worthy our treasure other than the only living Almighty God who gives us His only Son?

I am excited! I can’t wait to see what amazing thing God will do next.

The beauty of God is displayed where nature is preserved. Open your eyes you’ll see the beauty of creation, open your hearts and you’ll see the glory of God.

Visit Malacca

The welcoming of the great giant lizard of the Malacca river

Stadhuys and Christ Church Malacca

Hokkien association

Negeri Sembilan

Floral Fest Malaysia

Here is some of the photos taken at floral parade at Putrajaya at yesterday morning.

Some photos from Kuantan trip

I went to Kuantan for trip with my mother and her colleagues. Here is some pictures for you to have a brief look of Malaysia's beauty.

Tupai - a kind of squirrel at Orang Asli's village

Orang Asli's village

Gua Charas

Sungai Pandan Waterfall

Teluk Cempedak

Natural Disasters

2 years ago I came back there was a tsunami. This year there is flood in 6 states of Malaysia and Sumatra and earthquake at grandparents’ home in Taiwan. I don’t know what does God wants to show me from these incidents. I feel painful toward the victims, or the world. There are people suffering around, and there were people celebrating Christmas as they do not know anything. I feel pathetic toward both crowds. I could not do anything except begging for God’s mercy. I feel the urgency: something has to be done as soon as possible; there is no time to be wasted. If something you can do, don’t wait until tomorrow. For the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him, be watchful and keep praying, do not act like the ignorant.

Jesus answered, “Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Christ, and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumours of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains...
Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come… Now one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen till the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of Son of Man… Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. (Matthew 24)

There is one thing I have not yet understood. If God is sovereign over all these disasters, and has predestined the salvation of His people, how should I pray? Should I pray that the gospel would be preached to the whole world? But Jesus said it will. Should I pray for the salvation of the people? Should I pray that God will take away the disasters? Or I should ignore everything as if there is nothing happen because God is sovereign? These questions have been bothering me…

Merry Christmas

Christmas

Really miss the celebration and the atmosphere of Christmas in New Zealand. Miss the advent services, Christmas carols, midnight service, potluck gathering, Christmas presents… At here Christmas is just all about shopping or dining or travelling, nothing more than commercial. My aunt from Kuching came to KL and stayed for 2 nights, I was greatly challenged by her as she is a non Christian and told me about Chakra and yoga those "mind, body, and soul" type of things. To be respectful I was just listening to her. From conversations with my mum and my aunt I can feel my family's high expectations on me. If I graduate next year (hopefully) I would be the first one who gets a university degree in my grandfather's line. I wonder what their reaction would be like if I tell them that I am not interested in building a career or being a “successful” woman but just want to follow God.

I feel lonely here, really lonely. I miss the smiles, the laughters, the hugs, the craziness, the warmth from my fellow friends in Palmerston North. Miss the bible discussions in OCF, miss the excitement to share about God, miss the time when we pray together… However I still have to thank God for showing me that glimpse of His Kingdom, so that I may have the hope and strength to wait upon Christ’s second coming and eternal life with God and His people.

Preach the Word; be ready in season and out of season

As I was grieving about the church and the world, I've learnt that I need to look at the things in a positive perspective, and put my hope and trust in the Lord. On Saturday afternoon I had a long chat with a Christian friend whom I met in New Zealand. I was so happy to know that at least there is someone that I can talk about God with in KL. We had talked about more than 3 hours in the café. I was deeply encouraged by her faith in God, and her love for people. She has made me understand that, even when the earthly conditions are not favourable to serve God and love people, I still have to do it, with passion, because deep in my heart I know who I am serving for. There is one verse from 2 Timothy that was floating in my mind at that time:

Preach the Word; be ready in season and out of season

Now I understand what it means, but I admit that it is not easy. And the next line:

reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. (2 Timothy 4:2)

Why Paul gave this command to Timothy? Because in previous chapter he mentioned that there will come times of difficulty, he will face Godless people everywhere. But he didn’t tell Timothy to give up and sit there do nothing, insteaad he told him to preach the Word, be ready in season and out of season. Also, reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. Am I expecting to serve God only when the surroundings are desirable? Am I expecting to share the Gospel only when people ask me to tell them? Am I choosing to obey God only when it does not cost anything?

Honestly I was quite disappointed at myself, I had compromised a lot, I have become lazy to pray, and spend less and less time with the Bible. But thank God He will accomplish His will, His plan, no matter I obey Him or not. And I thank Him that He is a living and sovereign God, patiently teaching, guiding, rebuking, and correcting me so that I will not waste my life on this journey to eternal life.

I am seriously considered about coming back to KL. My friend told me that she has a vision that there will be a revival in the churches of Malaysia; people will come back from overseas to serve the Lord. Yes, indeed there are many weaknesses in the churches here, but does it matter? God is powerful, He will do what he intends to do, and I just need to commit in Him, delight in Him, trust in Him, and be still before Him (Psalm 37).

Putrajaya

Some pics of KL

1 Utama Shopping Centre - Huge Mickey Christmas Decoration

Central Market

Petaling Street (Chinatown)

Contemporary Worship Songs

I used to enjoy most the ‘worship’ / singing part of the church, because of the emotional effect they created through music made me ‘feel’ that God is most near at that moment (i.e.' Spirit-filled' moment). However, this time I went to church again, the part that I most uncomfortable with is the singing part. It was a very weird feeling. Churches I attended in KL mostly emphasise on ‘filling by the Holy Spirit’ on worship services, but not hearing the word of God. The funny thing is, I feel God is most unreal, or most distance, when they do that, especially when they start lift their hands on high, and start speaking in tongues. Maybe that is just not my way to approach God anymore.

All the songs they sang were about ‘me’- ‘How much I love God’, ‘How much happy I am after believed in God’, ‘God can comfort me’, or ‘God can heal my pain’. I don’t see how God’s glory is revealing, instead people worship because of its therapeutic effect. And these songs repeated week after week, the leader emphasised that the Holy Spirit is in among the congregation, and people come week after week to seek comfort and healing, instead of spiritual growth. This is just my own opinion. I feel 'resisted' when singing worship songs, I wasn't sure which God I was worshipping. Was He the God of creation? Was He the God who died for us? Or he just an imaginary 'god' who everyone longing for: 'God who can bless you, give you, comfort you, love you when you need?'

The reason I still keep going to this church is because they have good guest speakers for the past 2 weeks. At least my parents feel ok about it, and willing to go to church even it is so early and so far from home, before I found a truly Scripture based, God centred church, it is better than not going to church at all. I haven’t hear pastor from the church speak yet, will see if the truth is spoken. Another thing that I don’t feel comfortable is after the speakers finished their speech, and prayed for everyone, and sang closing song, the church leader still wants to come up and do another altar call with long prayers. Church elders will pray for the people stepped forward personally, mostly for healing. They do altar call every week, and many were saved. And that’s a good thing.

The church here operates very differently than OCF. In OCF, people believe in God and accept God because of what they learnt through the Scriptures and friendship (community) with other believers. For the church here, they share the gospel every week, and if only you believed and accepted Christ, you belong to the community, and start your ‘active Christian life’ – to serve, share testimony, and get others to believe as well. This progress is faster and efficient to convert non-believers. People believed because of the life testimonies and the gospel. Who knows what happens later on in their life? As long as many are ‘saved’, does it matter if they lack of biblical knowledge?

TV

Because I have nothing much to do at home I watch almost 5-6 hours of tv programs per day! I watch Thai, Taiwanese, Chinese, Hong Kong, Korean, Singaporean, and Malaysian drama series everyday. Although all produced in different countries and from different producers, the main themes are not that different. All of them talks about love and suffering, good and evil. Good people who love are always suffering; suffering for their lovers, family, friends, or social injustice. Sometimes there was a happy ending, sometimes not. I was questioning why they have to produce so many dramas that are full of suffering? Why don’t produce more comedies or positive programs so that people can laugh and feel better? My answer is of course people like to watch them. I think when people watch others suffering it will reduce their own pain because there is a kind of soothing effect. I think the cross of Christ has the same effect too: Jesus not just heals, but He suffers himself so that you might be comforted. However, there were many times I think if Jesus is in that situation (in the drama) or they know God, much sufferings were unnecessary. For example, people who suffers from cancer or terminal illness gives great pain for people around who loves him/her, but if they know God, and put their hope in Christ, they won’t need to despair, but have the hope of eternal life instead!