Monday, March 23, 2009

Evermore



Just love this band so much, even this song is quite old.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I feel dead

I am aware that something inside me has 'died'. I don't feel 'alive' anymore, just dead and dull working life here. This can be me, but I don't want to remain in this way. Work is way beyond my control, working super duper hard yet still probably will be blamed. I can't deny that I have learnt a lot, overcame a lot of challenges and barriers, and build some good work relationships. However, everything is too overwhelming. If I have a choice and influence to make this place a better place to work, I will definitely stay. If only She will listen.

Somehow I feel lost again. I am desperate for something, something unknown, but huge. Something in which could not be contained in crampy Singapore. The worst thing can ever happen to me is lost of memory, or narrowing of worldview. Scared that one day I will take in everything surround me as the way world is, and forgetting how the rest of the world looks like.

Lost again, I'm again replanning my future route. Should I pick up the arts stuffs again, which I'd always been wanting to get back? Should I start making coffee and travelling around the world? Should I become a missionary in somewhere remote? I just know that, although I can do it, and enjoy it at times, management and administration are not something I have so much interest in.

Lord, I don't know where and how, but please deliver me to a place in which I can feel more 'alive' in. Which I have better work-life balance, more of you, more of the beauty of you and the people you created. I am hunger and thirsty for 'life', something so sweet, nourishing, and quenching, yet seems so far away from me right now. Please replace worries with peace, sorrows with joy, uncertainties with hope, doubt with trust, fear with faith, weakness with strength in you. I need you, Lord, more than anything. I miss you. I don't know and cannot feel where you are, but surely you will are always here, just that I'm not aware of it. Need you more than ever.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Dreaming again... Anne needs some sleep

Just came back from IEC fellowship, was so good. Love the sermon from Joseph Tong, love the worship, love the people, love the food, love the culture. Oh the songs they sang for Indonesia day, were so awesome! Man I just love the so many kinds and languages of Indonesian folk songs, and made me miss my home country and cultures back home. I have a sudden urge of 'melting' in the kampungs, eat, live, sing and dance with the villagers...don't mention the lush rainforests, sandy beaches, mighty mountains, tranquil lakes, rich flora and fauna... oh... ah... k... next targets: Sabah KK trip (Easter weekend), Sarawak rainforest music festival (July), Poland (IFES world conference, next year). Other possible plans: Gold Coast, Thailand, Vietnam and Indonesia, short trips. Hmm... yea... travelling addictive, not good. Lilis says: "Anne will not obsess..." haha. Well I'm just tired so it was a bit random. Nite nite.