Thursday, February 28, 2008

If only

If only you would never say what you said
If only you would never give up
If only you would submit everything to God and pray to Him
If only you would wait
If only you would cool down and listen to your heart
If only you would know what you have missed out
If only you would know what can make you happy
If only you would do as what you said
If only you know who loved you the most
If only you would come back
If only you would try your best
If only I have your heart
If only there is a second chance
If only…

There is no if only
Only it is happened
Only a fact
Only a past
Only a once upon a time
Only me and myself, and God, and my life
Only option is to move on, choose to be happy, choose to let go

I believe I have a better future
I believe my life is worth living
I believe singleness is a gift from God
I believe He loves me
I believe He died on the cross
His blood has washed away my sin
I believe He accepted me as His own
By His grace and mercy
I believe He is coming
Revealing Himself as the King of Glory
I believe I will never be disappointed
I will be forever happy

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Had a busy weekend, but everything was worth it. Firstly, it was my birthday on 21st, last Thursday. I decided, and I did climbed up to Mt Luxmore which is across the lake Te Anau. I took a water taxi across the lake, walked up for almost 3 hours, and walked all the way back to town. The whole trip was about 8-9 hours. My legs and muscles were so sore, but it was all worth it because the scenery on the mountain was so beautiful, and I felt so good for did it all by myself. There was only one thought in my mind: keep going, for He cares for you, think of the scenery up there.

The next day I went to Dunedin, Wellington, and Palmerston North. Met up with a friend in Dunedin, enjoyed it and appreciated the friendship, and had a great time in Palmerston North. The reason I went up was because of the wedding. The best wedding I’ve ever attend, for the love of Christ, love of people, love between two people was so evident. No matter I am going to be single or not in this life, there will be a wedding awaits for me.

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord;
My soul shall exult in my God,
For he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;
He has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
And as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up,
So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to sprout up before all nations.

Isaiah 61:10-11

I was and still am physically tired. But there is a gentle force that is working within me, I realised I am changing. The bitterness in me has slowly vanishing, the seed of joy is growing. Things can’t be changed in one or two days, but God’s power in working in me. I still miss him, still look back occasionally, but I choose to enjoy and appreciate life at the moment, for it is redeemed by the precious blood of Jesus Christ.

A quote from Wen Li:

The one who makes you cry do not deserve your tears, the one who deserves your tears won’t make you cry.

Thoughts from myself:

No one likes to be with a person who is always mourn and bitter. Therefore I ought to be happy and joyful, for there is no reason I can’t be happy. For I have God, I have life, and life to the full (John 10:10).

Time will past, things will change, pain will be healed, joy will come.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Thoughts of life

Gutted the previous post that I typed out was all gone and it saved automatically after I accidentally erased the whole lot. Thought it was a good one… Oh well…

Just said that I gained a lot of insights from my experience here in Te Anau. Firstly is the importance of companion, no matter it is a partner, a family member, a workmate, or a friend. It is impossible to live by myself, without involving anyone in my life, it is impossible. I simply could not enjoy life by not sharing with another person. Thank God I have a few good workmates, my host family, a church lady who is so kind, warm and friendly, and nice church people. What more should I ask for? I have a reasonably good job and pay, nice place to stay, stunning views of mountains, sky, and lake everyday. A simple life, which I always been looking for, actually, this is the life that I have been looking for, although it would be more perfect if someone could experience it with me, but I should be content with what I have and what I am experiencing at the moment. For a temporal life in this broken world, this is the best way I could live, maybe. I am free from pleasing people, free from live up to people’s expectations, free from commitments apart from work, free from hurting other people, free from worries about money, free to be me. It could be lonely at times, but it is simple life, simple as it is, having time and heart for God alone.

I realised that, trying to live a life without God is in vain. No matter how much money you have, how much time or possibility you have to satisfy your cravings and desires, you will never satisfy the vacuum in your heart that is meant to be filled by God. You will never find fulfilment in this fallen world, even you have greatest dreams and ambitions, without God in the picture. When you reach there, you will say, is this all it is? This is not enough, I want more. You will crave for more, and you will never be content. Until one day you realised what you trying to do is all in vain, for everything will pass away, then you will turn back to God, and realised how much you have wasted your life, how many people who loved you you have hurted, how much things you could have done but never do. You would wish if only you could turn back time and start it all over again, but it’s too late. The only hope you can find is Jesus, through His blood you could have the second chance, to live life to the full.

Saturday, February 09, 2008


Worked today, was very busy. Broke a full bottle of red wine and spilled them all over myself in front of everyone. Legs were sore, feet was sore, full of blisters and corn. Physically tired. Even though, I have a strange feeling of happiness, I could not feel sad or distressed at all even I thought I would. It is strange, and somehow I know it's from God. I was thinking back of what had been happening, I do not feel sad anymore, even I think about it, I can smile. I knew I did everything that I could and I should, I have a clear conscience. I knew it was God, it was the Holy Spirit, who comforts me and heals me. It is Jesus Christ, who has forgiven my sins and set me free. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, I have a reason to live, and an eternal hope to look forward to. He is my closest friend. I lost a loved one, but I am much more closer to God, someone who deserves all my love and devotion. Thank you Lord, for being so wonderful to me.
I'm so looking forward to go home, to continue a my life over there. I am going to see a good friend in Gold Coast, and then go back to Kuching, my hometown, which I never been back since 2004. Going back to Palmy end of the month for a wedding. Wow so many things to look forward to, I am so excited. Can't imagine I'm going to have rojak, kolo mee, wantan mee, bak kut teh, roti canai, nasi lemak, curry chicken... etc everyday!

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever.

I have received great love and comfort from God. He is always faithful and his healing power and comfort is real as I read and meditate upon His Word. He sets me free, so I'm not in bondage of the past. He heals my wound, so I am able to freely receive and give love again. He gives me rest and peace, so my strength is renewed day after day. Great is thy faithfulness.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Happy Chinese New Year

Happy Chinese New Year to all who celebrates it. Share the love and joy to the people who might need it in your community. Treasure the time you spend with family and/or friends.

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13
Be joyful and do good as long as you live, also everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil - this is God's gift to man.

Moving on

I knew it’s not coming back anymore, and I fully understand that we can never be together. When I was involved in that relationship, I could not devote my heart to God but swayed away from Him no matter how much I consciously forcing myself to be depending on God, not him. But now I rejoice, although through painful discipline, God lovingly drew me back to Himself, He is the one who truly loves and accepted and understood me. The One who is faithful and His love will never change. This verse kept coming up to me:

Philipians 3:13-14 forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize pf the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I need to let go, and move on. Being obedient to His calling and continue to love him and his people.

I give thanks for:

- friendly, caring workmates.
- Bruce and his two daughters who are so welcoming and friendly for me to stay in their house.
- Beverly, a church lady who so faithful and caring and welcoming to me all the time.
- Te Anau Baptist Church: Bible saturated, God-centred, and Christ exalted. Good fellowship.
- Te Anau- beautiful surroundings and landscape. Nice weather.
- All my friends in Palmerston North especially OCF who faithfully supported me during times of crisis.
- My beloved family, who always so supportive and faithful.
- Ability to work and support myself.
- Boss who listens and a job which pays well and enjoyable.

Pray for:

- Healing and comfort of pain, renewation of the Spirit, and readiness to move on.
- Maintain friendship with Scott and his family.
- Being a good witness and sharing the gospel to the community which is so deprived of you.
- Openness of the heart of the people who did not know you.
- Growth and maturity in knowledge of God.
- Able to receive God’s love, grace, and mercy, and able to extend them to the world of spiritual poverty.
- Find my confidence and identity in Christ.
- Put my faith, hope, and love in God, submission to God alone, above all, and be independent.
- Love God with all my heart, mind, strength, and might.
- Joy in the heart, positive outlook in life of serving God, peace and rest.
- Humility and obedience to God’s Word.