Looking for: Travelling companion / volunteering opportunity / mission work / working holiday / short course / interesting job opportunity / a life!
Hobbies: Internet surfing, watch tv, facebook, reading, travelling, daydreaming, arts and crafts, photography, cooking
Status: Unemployed, not under education or training, basically means do nothing.
Wanting: To stop wasting life / make self useful.
Anything welcomed as long as affordable. :)
Friday, September 25, 2009
How do I explain/demonstrate the reality of God without being sound contradictory to myself? In fact I am always contradicting my belief. I know that God is real, He has been doing wonderful things in my life, and He will do more later. But how do I defend myself when people ask me why I am doing what I am doing now? How do I tell people that greatest joy can only be found in God while I'm not appearing happy to others? How do I recommend a good product for others if I don't enjoy using it myself? My heart is pounding everytime I see or hear people chasing after worldly things in vain, I want to tell them that God loves them and it is the best thing to know God, but what's in my life to prove that God is good? I have faith that God is the best, but I have no faith in myself that I will not ruin the conversation/ the image of God which I portray to others in speech and way of life. I have deep compassion for the people around me who do not know God, I am eager to tell them, but I'm afraid that I will say the wrong thing and make things worse. It hurts me back when I feel helpless in doing nothing in sharing with them about the good news.
God, I love you, but I can't prove it/bring it to action, am I a failure? Lord, my life is a failure to most, which brings no glory to your name. How I can make myself successful (means happy and enjoying You and knowing my purpose) and show others that Christianity works?
I don't know how to live my life, I just feel that I cannot go on. Some things need to be resolved in me, but how? and who can help me to identify and overcome them?
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Finally I'm back in Kuala Lumpur, my home. Nothing is better than home, so comfortable, so hassle-free, pretty much. Still, I am having my European dream. During the day everything is ok, but when I try to close my eyes and sleep, things floating in my mind. What about God's will? What about my family and friends? What about my degree? What about my phone and internet accounts in Singapore? What about... too many what ifs and what abouts... worries. Is my faith too small to trust that God cares and doing something in my life? Yet I can't figure out what is the next step, and I don't have the energy to do so. Rest... and rest... until I find out the answer.