Thursday, February 25, 2010

Greatness of God

How I grieved when I heard my mum said "Buddhism is good, the way the Buddhist see things are beautiful, their arts, photography has wonderfully expressed the beauty of something we never realized for, unlike Christians trying to use music create a fake atmosphere and fake glory". I said to mum, "Mum, God is the one who created everything, His glory is something way beautiful that we can never imagine, everything beautiful comes from the Lord". Yet I feel so ashamed of myself, that I have failed to reflect His beauty in my life, I live indifferently just as good as others who don't know the Lord. How we as Christians reflect the glory of God? Instead of using the technology to create the "high and spiritual (drunken)" atmosphere during worship service, is there any other way we can perceive and reflect the glory of God? How when we don't idolize things and materialize God while we can help people to see God as He is? It is good but disturbing to understand that there is no other way but read the Bible and learn the Word of God and let the Word itself through the Spirit touch each individual's heart.

If law is the heart of Islam, morale and discipline is the heart of modern Buddhism, then love is the heart of Christianity. Out of love we obey the laws, out of love we discipline ourselves, out of love we do good and expect nothing in return, because Christ has gave out His everything on the Cross. God loves us, therefore he created us, and appointed his only Son to die and rose again. We cannot explain the difference of Christianity than other religions unless we focus on the Cross. We all have turned away from God and deserved to be punished for our rebellion (declares ourselves god) and be separated from God forever. Yet the Lord choose to save us by punishing His own son, who came as God embodied in flesh, lived a life full with temptations but remained sinless, and willingly to accept the inhuman treatment, stricken, afflicted and took the pain and bleed by nailed on the cross, in order to take up the wrath of God on our behalf, so that in believing Him we can escape the eternal condemnation. This is called grace, not cheap grace that costs nothing and can give to anyone, but grace that is given by his precious blood to those who believe in Christ.

Islam requires their believers to adhere to the laws in order to enter the paradise with 7 virgins, Buddhism requires people to do good in order to rid their 'sins' so that they can incarnate to a higher being in the next life, but Christianity requires us to repent, to turn back from our sins and believe that Jesus is the Son of God, so that we can be accepted by God eternally. Which is greater? Discipline that is being demanded in order to exchange for something, or obedience that is prompted by the sacrificial love and glory of God?

We bless others by overflowing our blessings from God, but at first have we receive His blessings and recognizing them? Blessings of knowing who He is, the joy of knowing that God is with us and in us, and the privilege of serving Him along with other believers.

Father, I have failed to reflect your light and glory when people can't see joy and goodness in my life. I can't retrieve my understanding of You when I don't open the Bible and hear from you. I can't love others while I am blinded from your love for me. I can't tell others about you when I am ashamed of my failures as a Christian. Lord, discipline me because I want to keep myself close to you, and keep my eyes and ears opened to your light and voice. I surrender my guilt, shamefulness and fears so that I can receive your grace. Let me keep my faith and keep myself holy so that people can see the difference of me being a Christian. Hide me behind the cross and humble me under your knees so that I will never swell up to pride. Set me free as your Child, therefore not being controlled by tricks of the devil again. In Christ's holy name, Amen.

Monday, February 22, 2010

My Soul Thirsts for You

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land when there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

But those who seek to destroy my life
shall go down into the depths of the earth;
they shall be given over to the power of the sword;
they shall be a portion for jackals.
But the king shall rejoice in God;
all who swear by him shall exult,
for the mouths of liars will be stopped.

Psalm 63, ESV

Sunday, February 21, 2010

It's my birthday

It's my birthday. Somehow I feel emotional and down instead of happy and excited. Where am I now in life? Where am I going? I'm telling myself not to hope for people or thing that will not come. I should turn to the Lord and place my hope in Him. I don't want to be the same state on my birthday again. Thank God at least I'm at home and will spend the day with friends and family. I pray that I will get up and move on. I pray that I will know, enjoy and love God more. I pray that I will be a blessing for people who come across in life. I pray that I will be healthier, stronger and confident. Want to be a good witness.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


What is reality and what is not? Am I trying to confront it or runaway from it? What is God's will? What is my will? What does God want and what do I really want to do in life? I have been searching for these answers for many many months. No one can understand my struggles, I know He can, but when is He going to end my frustration? Like Jake in Avatar, I feel crippled in my real life, I believe there is a perfect world to live in like Pandora, but my crippled self doesn't allow me to enter and enjoy it. On one hand I'm frustrated with reality of life, therefore I indulged in entertainment medias, games and house chores to kill time. On the other hand I know there is an ideal life that I can enjoy, but I have nothing to deserve to enter it, I feel useless.

The Truth tells me that I am to suffer in this world, and if I believe in Christ, no servant is higher than his master, and if Christ is persecuted, why do I expect myself to be exempted? Yet it looks like a huge mountain in front of me blocking my way, I feel very weak, helpless, and do not have the courage to climb. My experience tells me that no one is going to look into my true heart and feelings in the real world, it is just a trade between my time and ability and financial reward. I'm craving for happiness, true sharing between people, integrity and respect, and somehow I believed that it cannot be found in secular workplace, not to mention the extremely few days of leave. I don't want that kind of life, I don't want to do things that I can never enjoy and shake my conscience. I don't want to fake myself to please the people I don't like. I don't want to be a bad witness at work for Christ... my body can't handle long hours shift, I can't focus, I can't manage, I am stressed easily... all these 'mountains' I need to overcome...

I turned to the Lord many times, I said, 'Lord, please help me, I want to be constantly joyful because I know that you are in control, and I surrender myself to you, including all my cares and burdens. I want to take up my cross and follow you.' But there is still no answer... Why is strength from family and friends support my faith instead the other way round? Why at the same time I don't want anything from this world but I want everything? Should I dream of everything I want or dream nothing except the Kingdom of heaven?

Other than the Holy Spirit I pray for someone in my life who is able to coach, guide, lead, and support me in my spiritual and work life at the same time. My dream is global ministry, to meet people of every tribe and tongue in the world, and to serve God with a strong and humbled heart. May the Lord opens the door and lead me to the path which brings meaning of everlasting.

Monday, February 08, 2010

Kitty doesn't love me

I'm little upset that the kitty I look after all this while still choose his master over myself...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod