Friday, May 29, 2009

Our Loving Father Carrying Us Through Life

This morning in my quiet time God revealed the idea of him carrying us through in our lives. In Deuteronomy 1:29, when God called Moses to bring the Israelites into the hill country of Amorites, the Israelites were afraid that God is going to destroy them. Then Moses said to them, "Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place." Deut 1:29-31

The idea of God came to fight for the Israelites and carries them all the way through into the promise land is overwhelming. He's not just up there watching them struggling but he involves! Therefore when we look back in our lives, isn't God carrying us through until now in the midst of difficulties and uncertainties?

In another occasion in Isaiah 30, the Israelites went to seek refuge and protection from Pharaoh in Egypt instead of asking God for direction. Yet God says, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and trust shall be your strength." Isa 30:15

My understanding for this verse is to repent and rest in his promises, and be calm in our soul while waiting upon him in trust we are strengthened. And one day we shall weep no more (Isa 30:19), and he will be gracious to us that as soon as he hears our cry, he answers us, and though he gives us the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet he will hide himself no more but our eyes shall see him.

Jesus says Matthew 11:28 'Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.'

May our eyes be opened and find rest in His Truth. Amen

Friday, May 22, 2009

Sorry can't put words in a whole sentence

Regained strength
Went to work
Sudden appraisal from boss
Upset but sober
Public Lecture
St Andrews
Alister McGrath
Before the throne of God above
In Christ Alone
Be thou my vision
Repented for my sins
Seek for a specific vision from God
I am special and unique to God
He will always be with me Matt 28
Joshua 9
Romans 12:2
Pearl - kingdom - precious
I am unique which something only I can do
1. Who God is
2. What is the gospel and its impact
2. Who we are

will be continue and refined...

Thursday, May 21, 2009


Frustrated at work, desire for a change. Want to go Europe and go nomadic. Need to survive and support others, how? Am I thinking too much? Ah, who cares, it will all work out.

Want to be more 'humanised', loving, kind and feminine. Sick of being logical (nor I'm a Vulcan), rational, and firm. I want to be myself. I miss me.

Father I'm running into your arms again, being your little daughter, seeking your comfort and protection. I'm resting in your arms, listening to your gentle whisper, letting go of every worrisome tasks in the world...

Tomorrow will have tomorrow's worries. Let me finish off today with a good rest in peace.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

God is My Strength and Portion Forever

Was reading Ps 73 last night and this morning. As I am exhausted and wearisome from work, God has given these words to me:

When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

May these words engraved in my heart always, indeed Your grace is sufficient for the day. To live is Christ, to die is gain. I will do my part well, and leave the worries and anxieties to you. I will lift up my burden from my shoulder and offer them to you. My life is not mine, I am a slave for Jesus alone, therefore I have been set free from the enslavement of others. May you use me as a channel for your light, grace, mercy and love. May others see no longer me but Christ in me. Ah may all glory be unto your name. Fill me with your Spirit of power and love, no more timidity. May I be a blessing for somebody today!


It is well with my soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.


My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.


But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!


And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.


Saturday, May 16, 2009


Glad that this week is over. It has been heavy, stressful and hectic. Need a rest. Offended people at work, showed my weakness and bad attitude towards others. I am an individualist, could not stand and accept certain things and I will not compromise.

Maybe this is not the job for me. I want to be an artist. I want to paint, to photograph, to write, to compose, to craft. Yet sadly that side of me is dying day after day. I'm losing my skills and ability to express each day. Everyday I struggle to accept the way life is, as what everyone has been telling me. I pretend to be content, I give thanks, yet something is there pleading for me to escape.

Yes, my word for the moment: Escape. Just want to escape, no matter where, as far as possible from this horrible place. Don't want to be controlled, don't want to be manipulated, don't want to be restricted, don't want to be limited. Yet I pose another question: what makes me deserve to escape? If this is for me, should I run away from the 'fate', the life that is being planned for me?

God, what is obedience? I try to obey you everyday, yet I failed. Is obedience accept the way life is and endure through it all? Is it rebellious to choose my road and walk the life I prefer to? What is right and what is wrong? What is your will?

Nothing seems ever changed. I thought I had, but everything comes back again. My attitude, my bad temper, my confusions, my doubts, my depression, my low self esteem, all coming back again. I though I had conquered it over the years, yet it all came back again, I feel like a double failure, even worse than before. Why can't I just change and be good? the peaceful way.

I feel less Christian now, I know what I'm talking about, you don't have to talk to me in a Christian way. I know I am not Christian at this moment. I know I need to repent and submit myself to God. But the anger is burning in my heart and it is growing. I'm tired, just tired.

Not justifying any of my thoughts or behaviour. I'm just telling how I feel right now. I need some rest, simply. Homesick. Lonely.

I meant to be a loner. This is who I am, rebellious, weird, difficult to live with, difficult to please, difficult to understand.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

The Anchor

The Lord is my Rock, when I am lost wandering in the seas of uncertainties, He alone is my Rock whom I need to anchor with faith on. The Rock is definitely strong enough to hold my little boat of life, but it depends on how big is my anchoring faith to hold it. Lord, give me a super duper huge anchor so that I can cling on You the Mighty Rock even in the midst of fiercest storm!

Being disciplined by Father

I rather take risks for Christ than seek security and comfort for myself. For which is scarier: the challenges in front of my eyes, or separation from God eternally, or seeing people around separate from God eternally? I can never turn back to the life I was in, though sometimes I was tempted. Not that I am going to do something so great and fearful in life, but the more I know the Truth, the more I hunger for something greater than the life in the past. Sometimes I feel very lonely, like no one could understand or walk with me, especially when my family don't understand. It would be the best if my family could love God and worship God more and walk with me in this battle of life. Maybe this is not their calling.

I kept thinking of Christ crucified on the cross and the nails going through His hands and feet after came back from listening to khorale's performance at Esplanade. They were singing a hymn called "were you there?", I can only remember the words of the song were: "were you there, when Christ was crucified? Each time I think of it I would tremble..." Why is Christ crucified? What was the price he paid and what was he paying for? He either was mad, a liar, or He was speaking the truth. If Christ can crucify himself so lonely on the cross, what makes him willing to do so? Isn't it the joy of setting his children free and enjoy the relationship with God the Father forever?

I tremble. I do tremble. It's just work right? Why am I having so much fear to face tomorrow? Even the people are so mean, even problems are so many, even big decisions need to be made., even time is not enough, even my body is weak.. If God would give His son for us, who can be against us? Who can separate us from the love of God in Christ?

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? "My son, do not regard lightly in the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." ...

but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for you feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled... (Hebrews 12:3-15)

I love this passage of the bible... it speaks right through me at the moment, nothing seems more appropriate. What are my struggles? Have I shed my blood? My hands are droopy, knees are weak indeed, but I need to strengthen myself and walk straight again. I had failed to make peace with people at work, that's exactly what I need to work on, because if I have not being gracious to other people, how am I going to obtain grace from God? And if I am bitter because other being mean to me, I will start defend myself and making waves of troubles... and that would not make me a good witness for God...

Can I get through all this? If He is my helper, will I still fear? If I still fear, that means I do not know him nor believe in Him. If I have no fear because even He is helping me, what can mere human being do to me?

Can I be joyful and content? Yes I can. I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to be abound. In any and every circumstance , I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. Just simply because I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me (Philippians 4:11-13). May all praise and worship be to the Holy God alone. Amen.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Balinese Court Gamelan Semara Pagulingan

A Tapestry of Sacred Music

One thing I like about Singapore is the free arts and cultural performances and exhibitions. I went to a music festival in Esplanade called 'a Tapestry of Sacred Music' on last Sunday and watched chorale, Indian tabla and sitar performance, and Balinese Court Gamelan.