Some thoughts

I don't know how to describe this stage of my life, it is probably not the most enjoyable or memorable period in my life, but it is definitely the time when I start to grow and become a real adult. After teenage years I never hope that I want to grow up anymore. The world of adults is cruel, hard and cold. There is no happying merrying jumping anymore, but a half-done pottery thrown into the fire to be baked and hardened through fiery tests and trials.

This is the time that I started to experience the bittersweet moments in life. Life is always challenging, the bitterness comes from hardships, difficulties, and loneliness, but praise God there is still sweetness of God's grace and comfort that can only be tasted in the midst of uncomfort. I don't know if I am obsessed with punishing or abusing myself, but I feel better when I am actually not taking life for granted through enduring hardships, especially when I see the patients and their relatives, real people who suffers and in pain.

Life is so fragile, who are we but dust? It is so naive and ignorant that there are people who thought that they can escape suffering and death or avoiding the issue altogether. It is closer than you think, it is not something which is so far from us that we won't suffer if we don't think about it. We think that we are in control, as long as we eat the right food and do exercises or do more good things, we will be healthy all our life. But no, who can decide how life's going to be for himself?

I used to fear of growing up, and tried to avoid suffering and death issues, I had so much fear that I just pretended that it will never happen to me or my loved ones. I was fooling myself, I cannot even decide how my tomorrow is going to be. I rather be mourning for my helplessness than be pretending that I am happy. I rather to endure than trying to escape hard life. I choose the hard way, the narrow path, the challenging way, I face it, endure it, rather than trying to escape, for there is not without hope. I lean on Christ, only hope I have, only One whom I find meaning of life in. Jesus said he comes for the sick and lame, for only sick people needs doctor. I am that sick sinner, who needs a healer, a redeemer, to save me from this deathly pit. Praise be to God that in Him there is hope of eternal life, for we are created for eternity as free people, not enslaved by sins and sufferings in this dark dark world. I am longing for more and more of this hope, and it will be revealed to me when I am being raised up to heaven.

Lord, I miss you, I long for you, I just want to see your face.

Update

It has been long since I updated my previous post. I had no internet access and no time to go out and surf the internet since I start work. Yes, I started work at a hospital kitchen in Singapore, amazing huh… Well, it has been challenging so far, but still manageable. Just feeling tired since there is so much to learn and so much to do. My job is to supervise the kitchen and make sure no food poisoning will occur.

I have learnt and grown a lot through this uneasy time of my life. Working in a new environment, taking myself out of the comfort zone is always not easy. Especially in a setting which facing so much sufferings and deaths, it’s hard not to consider life in a deeper level. I am depending on God more than ever now, struggling with my unbelief and fears each day. But He has provided me sufficient grace and strength to overcome each day’s troubles. I learnt that His grace is sufficient for the day, unless I renew my mind, confess my sins, and submit myself to Him each day, I could not retrieve enough strength and courage to face the challenges. I will be easily drained. However, His power is displayed in my weaknesses, I need to believe that in fact He loves me, and He conquered sin and death. Therefore I will rejoice, and worship Him by serving others earnestly in my workplace.

The Gospel Coalition

I thought the introduction of this The Gospel Coalition website is exciting.

Air Traffic Worldwide

A simulation of global air traffic over a 24 hour period. Hit the fullscreen button to get a clearer idea of the buzzing beehive the global airways have become.

My Hope – To be home forever (translated from the Chinese post)

It has been ages since I updated about myself in my blog since there is hardly any input in my recent life. On the surface I seem to enjoy my relaxing lifestyle, however I find it very difficult to calm down to reflect or pray. Without realising I have been staying at home for almost five months, my work search has been challenging and I have not heard anything about my work pass yet. Being at home for me is a mix of joy and gloom, in fact, the world has never been perfect.

Joy, is because I’m enjoying an almost a carefree life, free of worry about money or food, and immerses myself in the love of family. I guess this is the wish of most of the people in the world. Nevertheless, still there is anxiety in my heart, and there is nothing I can do to get rid of it.

After staying at home for too long, my body has become stiffened. Anxiety that comes from nowhere has deeply burdened my body and soul. On one hand I enjoy and being thankful of the love and care of God and family members, on the other hand I feel guilty and empty inside. Guilty, is because while I am whole and able, I have not contribute anything to God, family, society, or the world. Emptiness, is because life has no meaning, everyday I just watch tv, play computer games, and because it is very hard for me to concentrate, I read less than before. When life is meaningless and aimless, a person will soon become wasted.

To be honest I feel that I am a total failure, not just feeling, but real failure. When I look back, especially for the past year, witnessing at the failures in my relationships, work search, ministry, ambitions, health… I feel extremely ashamed, and I want to runaway and hide myself from the world. Mum was right; even I did not admit at the time, that I am unable to face and accept failure. I always comfort myself by saying that everything will soon become past, so don’t take things too seriously, and soon I will have the chance to prove that I am not lame or loser anymore.

Today, I realised that I have been escaping from the reality, I have no courage to face and admit my own failure. I thought that I will never be able to stand up again after the fall, I thought the world will reject me forever, I thought my sin was too heavy for God to save me.

I had been in overseas for almost four years; in between there were two whole years I did not come home. Yet after coming home, everything is still the same, dad and mum still love me the same, my brother still recognises me as his sister. Soon after that, I managed to return to my old life. And those years in New Zealand feels like a dream for me. No matter how much I suffer or experienced, even faced the possibly of death, everything has become past. No matter how long I never ring home, how much I had hid from my family in the past, when I come home and told them the truth, my parents still forgave me and love me the same.

The same applies to God as well. Yes, it is true that I have sinned against God, and I have no excuse for that, and I need to confess, and hold responsible for my sins. But because of the only Jesus, although I have sinned, I still have the chance to start again, and still have the chance to be perfect before God. Because of Jesus, God loves me as his own child, even loves me more than my parents. Although facing a lot of failures and afflictions, even the world has rejected me, still I can go back to my Father’s arms, and receive healing from His love. Above all, I can look forward to go home, the perfect home, with no more blood and tears, no evil, no suffering, no hurts, but only perfect love and God’s glorious light forever. Therefore, I took the courage to admit my own weakness and failure before God, and receive my second chance with joy. Again I will be strengthened in God’s grace, and given chance to live a life with flying colours.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. – Hebrews 12:1~3

我的盼望- 永远回家

好久好久没有跟进我的部落格了，原因是最近的生活一成不变，属灵生活也怠慢了下来，虽然表面上是悠哉闲着，事实上心里一直无法平静下来思考。不知不觉我呆在家里已经接近五个月了，工作的事一直大幅大落，到至今仍没有工作准证的消息。在家里，可谓喜忧参半，这世界毕竟是不完美的。

喜，是很享受成天无所事事，过着‘饭来张口，钱来伸手’，还有父母疼爱，弟弟的陪伴的生活。我想，这是世界上大部分人的心愿吧。遗憾的是，即使是这样，我的心，仍存有隐忧，而且迟迟无法平息。在家里呆久了，身体也渐渐变得僵硬，也不知从哪儿来的焦虑，导致我身心日渐拖垮。一方面我享受并感恩家人和上帝对我的眷顾，另一方面则觉得愧疚，而且心里十分的空虚。愧疚，是自己好手好脚的，却不能为神，家人，社会，或者世界作出一点贡献。空虚，是生活没有意义，每天看电视，玩电脑游戏，因很难专心，连书都少看了。人活得没有意义，没有目的，是会颓废的。

其实我觉得自己很失败，不是觉得，而我是真的失败。回首过去，尤其是过去的一年，看着自己的感情，工作，人际关系，主的事工，自己的理想，健康等等一一遭遇到挫折和打击，不禁感到羞愧，因而想逃避这个世界。我妈妈说得不错，当时我虽然抵死不承认，但是她倒说中了我的要害 – 无法接受失败和挫折。我总是安慰自己，这一切总会过去的，不要把不重要的事情看得太重，再等一会儿就可以证明自己不是弱者，不是失败者了。

今天我恍然大悟，明白自己一直在逃避现实，没有勇气面对失败。我以为，跌倒了，就再也站不起来了。我以为，这个世界会永远拒绝我。我以为，自己的罪孽深重，连神也救不了我了。

想想其实我离开家去国外念书有几乎四年了，其中有两一连两年没有回家。可是回到家里，一切就好像在出国之前一样，父母仍然爱我，弟弟还是老样子，也不会因此要从新认识我。很快的，我就回到原来的样子生活，那三年多，好像梦一场，似有似无。不管在国外有多么难熬，经历了多少喜怒哀乐，甚至面对过生死关头，但那一切都已经过去了。不管自己有多久没打电话回家，隐瞒家人过多少事，回到家，还不都是一样，随便骂骂过后，爸妈还是一样爱我。

其实神也何尝不一样，是的，我犯了错，我的罪无可抵赖，我必须承认，并且对神负责。可是因着独一无二的耶稣，即使错了，我也有机会再重新来过，也有机会在神面前洁白无瑕。因着耶稣，神爱我，就像他爱他自己的孩子一样，比我爸妈更爱我。就算遭遇挫折，面对世人的唾弃，我仍然可以名正言顺的回到阿爸父神的怀抱，让他的爱来抚平我的伤痛。在加上，我还有个家可以回，而且是完美的家，永远不再流血流泪，不会再有邪恶，不会再有伤痛，只有爱和主荣美的光芒。

我勇敢的认了自己的软弱和失败，欢欢喜喜的接受自己重新开始的机会，再次在主里刚强起来，下定要活出生命的色彩。

我们既有这许多的见证人，如同云彩围着我们，就当放下各样的重担，脱去容易缠累我们的罪，存心忍耐，奔那摆在我们前头的路程。仰望为我们信心创始成终的耶稣，他因那摆在前面的喜乐，就轻看羞辱，忍受了十字架的苦难，便坐在神宝座的右边。- 希伯来书十二章一至二节

Something to share

I am currently reading a brilliant book called The Reason for God by Timothy Keller. I thought this quote from the book is very good so decided to share it here, when he talks about real love is constrained as the argument against Christianity is a Straitjacket.

Human beings are most free and alive in relationships of love. We only become ourselves in love, and yet healthy love relationships involve mutual, unselfish service, a mutual loss of independence. C.S. Lewis put it eloquently:

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping if intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative is to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.

Freedom, then is not the absence of limitations and constraints but it is finding the right ones, those that fit our nature and liberate us.

My Country

For the first time in my life I feel oppressed in my country just because of my skin colour. It is a lot harder than I expected to accept and love my enemies. I could not help myself but feeling hurt and threatened after hearing news about ‘Malaysians of Chinese descent are temporary residents and can never receive equal rights with other races in the country’, ‘arrest of Malaysia Today news portal editor Raja Petra, Seputeh MP Teresa Kok, and Sinchew reporter Tan Hoon Cheng under Internal Security Act (ISA)’ etc. It adds to my anger when watching the news on we are not allowed to talk about Malay rights, Islamic religion, and the Malay Rajas’ statuses because they are sensitive issues and will destroy the unity (how about they talk about racial issues and suppressing Christianity?). Also, I am being wakened up at about 5am because of the public speakers of Muslim prayers from the local mosque. I admit it is rather disturbing to force to listen to their prayers for five times a day to a god whom I do not worship.

The people no longer trust the government and are utterly disappointed with the unjust, uncivilised, non transparent way of ruling the country. Besides racial issues, it is disappointing to witness corruption, misused funds, lack of economic growth, lack of civilisation, lack of care to the environment, and narrow mindset of the people. We are hoping that either the government will change, or change the government. I was very naïve and believe that my country will be in peace forever with unity and tolerance of all races and religions. I loved my country because there is not many other places in the world share the same climate and have beautiful beaches, lush rainforests, and diverse flora and fauna. Other than that, the rich culture and the harmony regardless of skin colour and religion are precious. I do appreciate my country since a very young age and I love to see people to live in harmony. But when I grow up I realised more and more things which appears just as an illusion.

I cannot find any other better ways to resolve the conflict than love (again it is a lot more difficult to do it than just talk about it), as Jesus says love your enemies, and do not revenge, for vengeance is mine. There is no way I can love and forgive before I realised my own sins and receive grace and forgiveness from Christ. The way I relate to the world is deeply affected by my view of the gospel and relationship with God.

I pray that

• peace and harmony will continue in this country and people will be mature and open enough to talk about things and understand each other.
• Justice will be done and release of innocent people, and avoid misuse of power.
• Christians will grow mature and strong to make a stand when it’s necessary, and to be the pioneer of showing love and reconciliation.
• God will protect the Christians and use this opportunity to teach them and understand how Christ is relate to this world, the religious people (Pharisees), the oppressive government, and what are the roles of churches and individual Christians.
• Christians will grow in this situation and experience God’s grace and comfort.
• Most importantly, help us to understand why Christ has to die on the cross and live again and how it relates to this current situation, and helps us to see the glory of Christ therefore put our hope in the eternal Kingdom rather than the temporal one.

Religions and laws cannot change people’s heart, only sacrificial love that comes from Christ can ultimately change the condition of human beings.

Love Always Protects

by Max Lucado

Genesis 3:21 has been called the first gospel sermon. Preached not by preachers, but by God himself. Not with words, but with symbol and action.

"The LORD God made clothes from animal skins for the man and his wife and dressed them" (Gen. 3:21).

God covers them. He protects them.

Love always protects.

Hasn't he done the same for us? We eat our share of forbidden fruit. We say what we shouldn't say. Go where we shouldn't go. Pluck fruit from trees we shouldn't touch.

So what does God do? Exactly what he did for our parents in the garden. He sheds innocent blood. He offers the life of his Son. And from the scene of the sacrifice the Father takes a robe--not the skin of an animal--but the robe of righteousness. And does he throw it in our direction and tell us to shape up? No, he dresses us himself. He dresses us with himself. "You were all baptized into Christ, and so you were all clothed with Christ" (Gal. 3:26--27).

God has clothed us. He protects us with a cloak of love. Can you look back over your life and see instances of God's protection? I can too. My junior year in college I was fascinated by a movement of Christians several thousand miles from my campus. Some of my friends decided to spend the summer at the movement's largest church and be discipled. When I tried to do the same, every door closed. Problem after problem with finances, logistics, and travel.

A second opportunity surfaced: spending a summer in Brazil. In this case, every door I knocked on swung open. Two and one half decades later I see how God protected me. The movement has become a cult--dangerous and oppressive. Time in Brazil introduced me to grace--freeing and joyful. Did God protect me? Does God protect us?

And you? Did he keep you from a bad relationship? Protect you from the wrong job? Insulate you from _______________ (you fill in the blank)? "Like hovering birds, so will [the LORD Almighty] protect Jerusalem" (Isa. 31:5 JB). "He will strengthen and protect you" (2 Thess. 3:3 NIV). "He will command his angels ... to guard you" (Ps. 91:11 NIV). God protects you with a cloak of love.

From
A Love Worth Giving
© (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2004) Max Lucado

NOW IN PAPERBACK
With a Reader's Guide focusing on:
1. Love Remembered: gleans crucial quotes from the chapter and invites you to reexamine them by answering some probing questions.
2. Love Deepened: uses parallel Scriptures to reinforce and clarify the thrust of the chapter.
3. Love Given: application questions to help you integrate the main focus of each chapter into your life of faith.

so... this is 'life' huh

Some say the most pitiful people are the ones whom are poor, whom are struggling to feed themselves or cloth themselves. I say the most pitiful people are not the ones who are struggling to survive physically, but facing spiritual death.

When joy, hope, love, peace are gone, when what’s being left is hurting oneself and others around whether on purpose or not, hell on earth is not too far away. When one is not longer able to believe, when faith is dying away, when the darkness of reality is embedding oneself, he is facing spiritual death. Even more pitiful is when one accepted the ‘reality’ of life as the way it is, and forgetting that life can be much more beautiful than the way it is. The courage to hope and pureness of heart is flooded by the so called ‘reality’, and started to take in everything as it is, and foolishly ‘enjoy’ the ‘life’ in the ‘world’ that is presented in front of him.

He is to be known as ‘naïve’, ‘stupid’, ‘unrealistic’ when he believes in a world of perfect harmony and peace. He is ‘mad’ and ‘wasting his life’ when he is ‘dreaming’ and ‘investing’ in that world while he could spend his time doing something ‘meaningful’ such as ‘work hard’, ‘earn more money’, and ‘looking for better opportunities’.

‘Life’ is good when you find a beautiful wife whom her ‘beauty’ is being envied. ‘Life’ is good when you have unlimited source of money to ‘do charity’ and ‘help the needy’. ‘Life’ is good when you do not have to worry when you travel around the world and gain more ‘life experiences’ than more people do. ‘Life’ is good when you know how to ‘appreciate’ wine and espresso coffees and choosing the way of your steak is to be cooked. ‘Life’ is good when you help a lot of people and make them feeling appreciative of what you’ve done for them.

Otherwise,

You can pray 5 times a day regardless how efficient your work is, whether your report is being done or you have cared of someone who is in need. You just need to ‘pray’ so that your ‘god’ can make a difference to this country. Doesn’t matter what is the way you spend taxpayers’ money as long as you build a huge worship places, ‘god’ can bless the country and bring peace and harmony. You teach people to hate each other and discourage people to think and make their own stand. You ask people to reject what threatens your status and accept your ‘laws’ without questioning. As long as you ‘do the right thing’ doesn’t matter if you have loved someone today. As long as you followed the ‘rules’ doesn’t matter if you are going to destroy a nation one day. Who set the rules? Who make the laws? You announce whatever brings benefits to yourself, and cover up whatever threatens the loyalty from your people. There is one word, called hypocrite, and you are fooling yourself.

Evil one, what kind of tricks are you playing now? Yes I have tasted your power and control in this world, and you brought me down from a higher state of faith. You made me sin and harness hatred in my heart and weaken my memory. You reminded me of the ugliness of life and the world, and made me forget what brought me love, joy and peace. But this is not the end yet, our battle is still continuing until you declare that you are lost.

The mountain

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Longing

Lord I feel forsaken

Even though I know you won’t

I am contradicting myself as always

And I am weary of being like this

I am losing hope in life

Once I am looking forward to so many things

But now those dreams and ambitions seem vanishing

I am putting my hope in something I could not see

Something that I do not know

Until I slowly forget what I am believing

And believe, only for the sake of believing

Am not I pathetic?

Find it impossible to quiet down my soul

To listen that tiny whisper from you

I am too anxious until I forgot what I am anxious for

I have too much fear until I forgot what I am fear of

Reality of life is harsh

It can make the courageous coward

It can make the ambitious ordinary

It can make the passionate cold

You humbled me

By taking away my last pride

Of believing in myself that I will never leave you

Now I know it is not up to me

If it is not your grace

I have forsaken you since long time ago

Take my faith as tiny as a mustard seed

Reshape me again from a cluster of clay

Make me whole, make me pure

And make my life worth living again

Down again

Fear is overwhelming me,

Have I made the right choice?

What is right? What is wrong?

What is pleasing God? What is not pleasing Him?

How long will I be grilled and restless?

How long can I maintain my faith?

I have faith in God, but have no faith in myself.

I am afraid.

I thought I made a choice, and a right choice

I thought I can rest after that

But no

Still I am restless, without peace

What can be more horrible than human beings?

I am scared

Of other human beings

Scared of their selfishness, politics

Scared that I will be bullied

Above all, I am afraid of regret

Of making the wrong choice

Of wearying myself down

Of bringing extra troubles and miseries in life

I thought I can have a normal job

Go to church on Sundays

Spending time with family on public holidays

And I realised, no

Not with the choice I’ve made

I will sacrifice my weekends and holidays

Sacrifice my church day

Sacrifice time spending with my family

No… why I am being brought to test like this again and again?

Why do I always not know how to make the right choice?

Why is it always me myself to be blamed?

Why am I putting myself in a misery?

I hate of being regret… I don’t want to regret

But this is what always happened to me

Maybe it is not as bad as I thought…

Maybe…

Yea I'm gonna watch movie-e!

After reading this blogpost I am more and more excited and looking forward to watch Wall-E with my high school mate in KL tomorrow!

Test Revival with Doctrine

Commentary by John Piper on Lee Grady's 'Lament and Critique of the Lakeland 'Revival'".

Rejoice, for you are the chosen one!

I always ask myself a question: what is my source of joy? When I am happy, what and who am I happy for? When I am upset, what and who upsets me and steal my joy? There is nothing wrong with feeling happy or upset about something or someone, but if that emotion is too strong and overtakes my desire for God, I have committed the sin of unbelief, or even idolatry. Well, this is just my opinion.

For example, I am not too happy at the moment, because I gave up my chance to travel around the world as a cabin crew. Seeing my dreams fleeting or delaying to whenever that is, I am disappointed. Therefore I ask myself: is travelling giving you more fulfilment than being obedient to God? Will God not able to fulfil all your longings and desires whether in this temporal life or most importantly eternal life? Why are you seeking ways to edify your earthly desires, for temporal fulfilment?

If only you can grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge… remain in Christ’s love, so that Christ’s joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Why are you looking for friends somewhere else, Christ has called you his friend, even lay down his life for you. He is alive, you know it, but do you believe it? If you believe it, how to you respond to the fact that Christ is alive and he is with you?

It is ok that you do not have a life being envious by the world. It is ok that you are being ordinary from the world’s point of view. It is ok that you are being unpopular. It is ok that you cannot please everyone. Why? Because you don’t have to, you belong to Christ alone. You are being accepted and you are unique in his eyes because he has created you according to his own image, and gives grace for you to repent and to believe in him, he chose you. Your value is neither determined by how the world evaluates you, nor by how people regard you, nor how much money you have, nor your status, nor how much knowledge you have, nor who you befriend with, nor how good-looking you are, nor your fashion sense, nor how many countries you travelled… Your value is in Christ, for who you are in Christ. Christ has chosen you, not because of who you are or what you did, but because of his mercy and grace. Isn’t that gives you enough reason to rejoice?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died- more than that, who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - my favourite passage: Romans 8

Yes, you are Christ’s, stop doubting. You cannot even separate yourself from Christ’s love by doubting him. So rejoice! Rejoice! REJOICE! Worship him! Free yourself from all the worries, rejoice! Cast your burdens unto Jesus, rejoice! Put your hope in Jesus, rejoice! Be excited for what he is going to accomplish, rejoice! For his Kingdom come, rejoice!

Abba Father, what a privillege to be known as your sons and daughters!

Lilis and I shared something quite sweet last night I thought is a great encouragement for both of us so I think I just share it on my blog.

We reminded each other that God is our Father, He is watching us, and smiling, He delights in us, He sees us grow, and sees us stumble when we learn to walk, He loves us, no longer angry with us, because of Christ. Because of Christ - what a sweet phase…

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline

and do not resent his rebuke,

because the LORD disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in.” – Proverbs 3:11~12

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

because the Lord disciplines those he loves,

and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

– Hebrews 12:5~6

“It is kind of beautiful when Hebrews 12:4 and Proverbs 3, OT and NT agree with each other.

I just learnt again about father and son. He disciplines those are his sons for our good so we may share his holiness. and I’m glad the scripture is so honest about discipline, it said it will seem painful rather than pleasant to be revoked. but it YIELDS the peaceful fruit of righteousness. we will later have peace after the purification.

If we dont get discipline, we are illegitimate children. So it says that u and me are true child of God. and He said to look at Jesus example, Jesus looked forward to the joy that was set before him (the reward) to endure the cross. Looking on the reward is so biblical.” – Lilis

Other than that, because we have this intimate relationship with God the Father, we can cry out to Him in our troubles, we can ask Him questions, but in a humble way, like David, like Job. Because they have been walking closely with God, He is no longer a stranger for them, but someone they can cry out or pour out too. To cry out or to question can be a form of worship too, when we acknowledge God's sovereignty and putting Him in the right position in our lives.

Lastly, we reminded each other of the hope we have in the future which is described in 1 Corinthians 15: about the gospel, the resurrection of Christ, and how we are going change, and death no longer has victory over us… Therefore, we must stand firm, and let nothing move us. Always give ourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because we know that our labour in the Lord is not in vain.

God is watching... and smiling! =)

I wish I can record everything that God has done faithfully in my life. Someone told me that, there is not an experience in life that is going to be wasted; all can be used by God to teach, encourage, and build me up for His further purpose in my life. Mum said that my unemployment is like a holiday, with the visits and companies of many friends, I am enjoying myself in the midst of uncertainties. I found something to boast of: Christ who lives in me has never leaved me nor forsake me, his power and grace is present, he is alive and real.

Throughout the second half of last year until now I have been facing immense challenges. I have learnt, and grown, in wisdom of life and the love of Christ. Biggest lesson God trying to teach me is, live simple, live for Christ alone. Am I able to let go of the love and desires for the world, am I able to show Christ’s glory at the cost of my ambitions and worldly desires?

He has put me into a difficult situation. He knows I love travelling, and see the world, and somehow being glamorous, being envied by others. What is a better job than being a flight stewardess? Everything seems so perfect, the pay, the travel, the glamour, the cool aviation crew friends, and the chance to get to know people from all around the world… but there are certain things I need to ‘sacrifice’ if I take on this job. I will spend less time with the church and friends, I might being tied up and could not attend a good preaching, I might feel tired travelling and compromise my time spending with God, especially flying long hours in the plane, will I do my quiet time and bible study while I fly? Besides, I might face a lot of temptations and making compromises.

I do not know if I have made the right choice, choosing to work on the ground, working 5 days a week in a hospital, sounds boring huh… I don’t know… somehow I think this is better for me to grow, learn and serve God. I know the student ministry needs staffworker, I know the children ministry in church needs tuition teachers… I know in the hospital the patients need to hear the gospel… maybe the reality is not as fancy as I would imagine or describe, but somehow I know this is a better opportunity to serve and witness God. (Well, actually I made the decision because I cannot really wait and take risk anymore; the hospital needs an answer so I just say yes).

Ya so I made the decision and still trying to persuade myself that I made the right choice… I know this is a stressful job and I will face a lot of challenges in every way, but that makes me rely on God more than relying on myself. And I need to explain this to the airline, the friends who helped me to get into the aviation industry, and the cabin crew friends whom I just knew… Don’t know what is going to happen next so just commit everything in God’s hands.

Christ vs. Moralism

This article compares the true gospel with moralism, perfectionism, and legalism which are quite common in most churches today. Just wanna share this link with you all.

Christ vs. Moralism by John W. Hendryx

Restless Anne

I am grilled more and more day after day, I hope I would not get burnt. 2, 3, or even 4 jobs on hold and cannot do anything but wait, this is worse than anything. So what? Why wait? Why doesn’t God just give me a reply straight away? The longer I wait, the more likely I am going to lose all the possibilities and offend those who offered me jobs.

The biggest lesson God has taught me this year is WAITING, wait in patience, wait in hope, and wait for deliverance. If the situation is within my control, I wished I can just do something about it and get it done or get over it. But waiting is humbling me and reminding me that I am not in control, but God is. It takes a lot of faith and courage to believe that God is in control, He is wise and He loves me.

Yet, I am not going to have another good night sleep if the situation is not being solved. I am stuck, literally stuck that there is nothing I can do about the situation. I do not know how long it is going to take before they let me know whether I am taken or not, I do not know how long it will be before another position offered is being taken by another person. There is a big chance either I am getting both job offers, or losing both.

Again, it humbles me. God is God, and I am not. As a servant who submitted my will to my Lord, I can only wait in patience and obey whatever is coming. Perhaps, it is my duty to worship and rejoice even in the midst of restlessness and anxiety. I believe this is a God-given challenge for me to learn and overcome.

Who am I to question God?

I read this same passage/verse twice a day from different books, and it amazed me how Job had reacted to adversities which had happened in his life. After Satan afflicted Job by killing his family and properties, Job did not complain or doubt God's goodness, instead he fell to the ground and worship, and said,

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

The bible also says, in everything which had happened to Job, he did not sin by charge God with wrongdoing.

So how should I response to this passage? Or what should I learn from Job? Indeed, everything that I have in life is given to me by God's grace, they are all belong to the Lord's, and He has the right to give, and the right to take away. He has the right to bless, and He has the right to bring disaster or afflictions. Nevertheless, he deserved to be praised, worshiped and glorified, for He is the God who created all things, He is perfect and Holy, He is sovereign and supreme, He sent His son Jesus to show us His invisible being. Even only for the fact that He is my God, my Lord, my master, he deserves my worship to the full without questioning.

"Lord, I praise you for who you are, you are holy and without blemish. You have great wisdom, and your thoughts are beyond my thoughts, and your ways are higher than my ways. Who am I to question you? Who am I to complain or doubt your sovereignty? I am just a sinner, a sinner who does not have the right to defend anything because I have sinned against you. I can only plead for your mercy and grace. Have mercy on this helpless little child, who is helpless against the evil realm, against the temptations of the world, against the deceptions and lies of princes of the world. Nevertheless, you are in control above all, I put my hope in the promise of eternal life in the Kingdom which is to come. I have the reason to rejoice in the midst of sufferings and struggles, and everything seems so insignificant in compared to the hope of seeing you face to face, not through visualisation of the description of you in the bible, not through other people's words, but I will see you, with my own eyes, and declare you are God, and I will give all the glory to you, until forever and ever. From that day onwards, there is nothing could stop me from knowing you, and rejoicing in you, nothing could stop me from praising and worshiping you. I will wait for that day, in patience and perseverance, I will be a good witness, to draw more people to you. You are my greatest desire, Lord, nothing else can compare to your greatness, not money, not relationships, not glamour, not fame, not wisdom, not knowledge, not family, not anything in this world can compare to your surpassing greatness and glory. May all worship and glory be unto your holy name. Amen"

Thank God the world needs me!

After the dark period of life suddenly I feel there are so many changes and my life is at the turning point. Rejections after rejections of many job applications and relationship were very discouraging. However acceptance after acceptance of possibilities can be exciting but stressful as well. My job application and interview has never actually failed in my job search in Singapore. Firstly I got a conditioned job offer by a nutrition consultant company but due to complications with employment pass application until now I am still waiting for the response from the Ministry of Manpower after 2 months. Due to my losing hope of getting my EP and seeking for another path I went for walk-in-interview for cabin crew position at a local airline. I was happy and grateful for God as I passed all 4 rounds for interviews and being selected as potential air crew out of hundreds of interviewees. I went to the pre-employment briefing but still need approval from my medical check up report and EP application. I was a bit shaken when I was called in yesterday for taking another X-ray to confirm my mild scoliosis (curve at the backbone). Then I was not sure if I should put too much hope in getting the job as most of the girls are getting ready for their training on 7^th August.

Oh before that I met up with a staff worker of FES (Fellowship of Evangelical Students) here and heard about their need of a staff worker for the uni side. Then I was considering about that position and prayed about it. However since I got 'accepted' by the airline I did not follow up until further update.

In addition, to make things more complicated, I received an email today for a 2^nd interview with a hospital for Food and Beverage Executive position. The 1^st interview was at the beginning of last month and I thought there’s no hope so I almost forget about this job application. But I am going for another interview tomorrow morning! Hey what is going on? How am I going to solve the problem of lodging 3 EP applications at the same time? How do I make the final decision according to the Lord’s mighty will? This is funny but stressful hahaha…. Guess I can just pray and make a way through in choosing the best path… May God give me wisdom and get through this situation as soon as possible… In Jesus Precious Name I pray, Amen.

Church day

I had a special Sunday last week. Got to know an ex-OCFer and current staffworker of FES Singapore through Philip, and I followed her to Holy Trinity Anglican church. It was a good experience, learnt about apostle Paul’s focus, priority, devotion, and attitude according to Philippians, and got to know some very friendly church members and local CFers.

In the late afternoon, I went to another church introduced by Lilis, was surprised initially because I realised the service will be conducted in Indonesian language. I’d never attend an Indonesian church or service in my life, therefore I was a bit nervous. Nevertheless, I was surprised by the number of people attended the service, and the ‘presence’, I mean the worship was very powerful when all the congregation sang and give glory to God together. Although everything conducted in a rather traditional way other than the rock or modern style, I feel that is something I familiar with and can identify with the church which I used to go to when I was a child, and perhaps close to my idea of how a church suppose to be. I was even more excited when the choir sung a traditional hymn orchestra by Felix Mendelssohn, was amazed by the glory and awe which no words can describe, it actually enabled me to have a glimpse of God’s glory.

When the speaker Rev. Ps. Stephen Tong went up the stage to start to share and preach, he looks somehow familiar, I felt like I seen him somewhere before, but I could not remember. Though I was a bit struggling at understanding Indonesian language, I was impressed at myself that I actually could understand 60-70% of the whole service since I received Malay education since young. Pastor was sharing about the story Joseph’s brothers when they arrived Egypt to buy grains, and Joseph put the silver cup inside Benjamin’s grain sack when they about to leave. He relate the passage to other Christians who being treated unjustly, like Wang Ming Dao, my tears start falling when he shared about the story of Wang Ming Dao, of how he defended the gospel and being persecuted by the Chinese Communist. He talked about Christians will be persecuted and face suffering, and where our treasure is, there our heart is. Well sorry I am neither a good summariser nor reporter nor I noted down anything during the sermon. But my point is I enjoyed the service and shedding a little light of truth and who God is more touching and powerful to me than telling any me other good doctrines.

Today I found out I attend this preacher’s evangelical talks when I was young, and he can actually speak Mandarin and is a well-known preacher among Asia. He has a great impact on the Christian world in Asia and even Europe and America. It was my privilege to be able to shake hand with him after the service even I did not really know who he was.

Don’t misunderstand I am not trying to promote or idolise this well-known preacher, nor I think he is perfect. He is a man used by God to reach out to many people, but I do respect his zeal and knowledge and willingness to serve God with his whole life. I respect people who take God’s Word seriously and live and die for the sake of the gospel. I pray that other churches will follow and be radical, no more just following traditions or set of marketing principles but question everything and find the answers from careful investigation of the Bible.

Job wanted

From au pair to nutritionist, from admin assistant to management trainee, from bartender to tour guide, any exciting job opportunity can be introduced to me. I want to connect and contribute to the world. I am not perfect but not a bad person. Please drop a comment if you have a job to offer and want to know more about me.

Volunteer projects or translation (Chinese to English and vice versa) projects can be considered as well.

I can talk, listen, act, walk, run, read, write, draw, type, think, sing, dance, cook, serve, carry, pray....

I can be a great friend and loyal worker.

Just give me a job! sigh.

Maybe this explained why I do not have a job yet.

Please pray

Brothers and Sisters in Christ:

I need your prayers, please pray for me, as I need:

- a vision, a calling from God about what to do in near future, and what and how am I suppose to achieve it.

- a good church which I could settle, serve, fellowship, and build my support network.

- Mental and emotional strength and clarity in discerning the small voices of God and also my real passion and purpose in life.

- Being able to persist and persevere in pursuing the goal/vision.

- Sustaining provision of financial, food and daily needs.

Thank you for your precious time and may God bless you with His unfailing love.

Yours faithfully,

Anne Lim

Melaka trip

Nigel drove Cedric and I to Melaka for a short trip on my way back to KL. We had lots and lots of food… As Cedric keep saying ‘Solid ah!’, ‘Syok oh!’, and you’ll know how good the food is, haha. After almost one hour search of the exact location of the hotel, we checked in and start our quest for good food in Melaka. We came up with a theme: Seafood, and started driving along the coast to see if there is any seafood restaurant. It was very hard to decide but we ended up in a Peranakan restaurant at the seaside. We ordered steamed white pomphret, chilli crab, spicy lala, and salted fish wtih beansprouts. It was a very nice meal with nice atmosphere (although was a bit cold and too breezy for me), yea I definitely recommend it and will go back again.

After dinner we went for a walk at Jonker Walk, had our dessert there – famous cendol with gula Melaka (palm sugar). Had a look at Cheng Hoon Theng, a famous old temple, and bought some pineapple tarts for supper. We went back to the hotel, had some pineapple tarts and learnt about wine tasting and appreciation from Cedric the wine guru. Then we watched the exciting Euro Cup Final soccer match at about 3am and I was uplifted by the victory of my favourite team – Spain.

Second day, we got up and had breakfast in the hotel, then swam in the swimming pool. After swimming of course we got hungry again! After buying my bus ticket to KL we had famous Melaka chicken rice balls for lunch and another cendol for dessert! We visited the maritime museum, and the 500 years old fort A Famosa, due to the heat and our laziness we decided not to go uphill to see the ruins of St Paul’s church. Guess what, we had more food again, for afternoon tea in the fully-air conditioned mega shopping complex, we had XXXL crispy chicken leg and oyster noodles from Taiwan.

Overall it was a nice and relaxing trip, thanks for Cedric and Nigel for their wonderful company and friendship, I will pray that our cholesterol level will remain healthy and possibly have another adventure sometime in the future.

Tried to upload some photos but maybe the photo size is too big so I cannot upload them.

May my life be part of God's purpose

The reason I had that passion is not only God is so great, but it grieves my heart when I see people ignorant of God. If only they know who God is, if they know how great His Holiness and Glory is, if only they experience ‘the joy of the Lord is our strength’, if they know everything in this world worth much less and will bring much less joy for them compared to what God has to offer.

They are blinded, they do not take God’s Word seriously, it is a love letter from God, it is God’s Word that is written for our sake, I cannot see why we do not handle it carefully and handle it under submission to God. People focus on the miracles and gifts that God would bring for them, they focus on how much money is God able to generate for their church, they focus on how God will make them a better person, they focus on how they will glorify God in a worldly way so they can attract more churchgoers. They talk about salvation, and God’s love, they talk about how we suppose to do in response to Christ’s crucifixion. But they could not understand that Cross is not only for us, but His work on the Cross has revealed God’s Glory and Power.

I want to learn and know how to teach the Bible as it is. I want to show people His Glory through reading His Word, I want to be like Philip, being an instrument of God explaining the Scripture to the Ethiopian Eunuch and sharing the good news.

I know the spiritual battle is real, and satan is doing everything to stop me from being functional for God’s Kingdom. But I will fight, not because without me God cannot do anything, His plans will still prosper, but if I don’t fight for God, my life will be in vain and meaningless. Let me make use of the precious gift of life which is given by Him, and may my life counts.

My Life Plan

As Lilis has requested, I think I should update a little bit what’s going on in my life recently. I am back in KL again, feeling good after meeting my former workmate in Te Anau, New Zealand. It is my first time to be a host for people who comes from another country. We visited to Central Market and Masjid Jamek, took a train to KLCC, had char kuey teow and asam laksa at Madam Kuan’s, then we walked from there to Bukit Bintang, had some ais kacang and mango shake, and walked back to Chinatown. Well I forgot I am in KL and my parents were worrying about me for not picking their phone calls, got yelled by mum for hanging out for so late, suddenly I felt I lost my freedom, but then I understand that was because they cared about me.

A job, well, not yet. I am still looking for one, hopefully can settle down after a long long break after graduation. My real and ultimate passion is to proclaim and witness Christ in what I do in my life. The Glory of God is so awesome that I would not compromise anything to pursue it, that’s my passion. Yet I am very weak and frail, and faith without works is dead, not going to church and not fellowshipping with other believers mean my faith is worthless. I will, find a church to commit after I decided where am I going to work and stay, I will. I want to learn more about God in the Bible, and church history, and I want to learn another language, Spanish, so preparing myself to other countries in the future.

My other passion is travelling, and experiencing another culture. My dream is one day I can travel with a purpose, to reach to the unreached. I want to learn how to tell them and engage them about Christ, and how great He is, and how privileged is for us to worship this God in spirit and in truth. In order to achieve that dream, firstly I need to settle down, build my own supporting network from a good church fellowship and from ex-OCFers from New Zealand. Then I need to start work, to gain work experience and save money. After that when opportunity comes, I will go and start my whole new adventure again.

May I worship the Lord by offering myself as a living sacrifice for Him. May my life magnifies His Glory and proclaims His name whenever I go and whatever I do. Amen.

Goodbye

It is over, finally

Everything is over

Nothing to hold on

Nothing to miss

It has gone

No longer controlled by you

No longer suffer quietly in that secret corner

No more tears for you

No more waste of time

You never deserve it

Let go, recharge, and move on.

Switch my focus

I swear I will live better without you

One day you will understand everything

Maybe

But it will be too late

The damage has been done

The deep scar you gave me

There is nothing could repair

Thank you tho

For let me learn how much love would cost

I will ever more cherish the love of the Cross

Glad that I tried my best

I gave my all

However

That is it, no more

Once again I will look upon the Cross

Only He deserves my all.

Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me

Text: Augustus M. Toplady, 1740-1778
Music: Thomas Hastings, 1784-1872

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee;
let the water and the blood,
from thy wounded side which flowed,
be of sin the double cure;
save from wrath and make me pure.

Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's commands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
thou must save, and thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee. 

Introduced by Scott Mackay at TSCF conference last year, I fell in love with this song at the first time I hear it. May this song be the words from my heart.

Memory

by Andrew Lloyd Webber

Midnight, not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is shining alone.
In the lamplight the whithered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan.
Daylight, see the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses wither away
Like the sunflower I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day
Now Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different jellicle life
Memory, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Sunlight, through the trees in the summer
Endless masquerading
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
The memory is fading
Touch me, it's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun

Lord I miss you

Yesterday I did something which I deeply regret now even how I tried to persuade myself it’s ok. I dyed my hair. Convinced by my mother I should lighten my hair colour so I won’t look too serious. However due to lack of hair dye choosing experience I chose a very light colour that doesn’t suit me at all. And I realised something, not only I lost my original healthy black colour which the Lord gave me, I lost myself too.

No matter how long I lived here, I always feel lost. Home is unlike home. Concrete jungle and a cage-like apartment is never my cup of tea. I have to admit that I miss New Zealand. I miss the mountains, lakes, rivers and the sea. They don’t seemed as dynamic as the hustle bustle in the big city, but they have more life compared to everything here, they are the creation of God, which created for humans.

My soul feels empty, one day emptier than another. Trying hard to catch up with the fashion and make up stuff and fill up the expectation of my mother after she criticised my outward appearance. I tried to be “beautiful” according to the standards of city people, it is almost ‘compulsory’ to read fashion magazines and buy the “right” cosmetic kits for myself. Still, the more I indulge in it, the more I feel empty, and destroy the original beauty: imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:4).

Lord, living in a city bombarded by the temptations to buy, and doing nothing for building up your Kingdom, is much worse than living in poverty and persecuted by bearing your name. I wished I can serve You, but why is it so hard? I do not ask for fame, wealth, career or even marriage, I just want to serve You. But I don’t even have the channel to do it. I failed to see your Glory, and failed to show it to others. I live as indifference with the world even my heart does not want to. Show me a way out, show me a way Lord, I can do whatever You will, just to bring meaning to my life.

Division

My mother and my brother are those who hear the word of God and do it.

“Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.

No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.

I said I don't care

When this life is is going to be over? Glad that I don’t have much attachment in life my life on earth, so I am ready to return to Jesus anytime He appointed. Life is exhausting, I have no more energy. What remaining is hatred and dissatisfaction. I am ashamed to be called as a Christian, I have sinned greatly against whom I declared to believe. I have come to a point that am too shameful to ask for forgiveness. Just like many other Christians, I am a hypocrite. I have seen no genuine love, nor be able to show genuine love to other people. I am helpless against everything, unable to listen from God, unable to teach the Bible. What is any use for me as a Christian? How long should I be waiting? There is no hope. It is IMPOSSIBLE to be pure and blameless in this corrupted world, lest I have the capacity to endure. Truth is no where to be taught, love is no where to be seen, or I have hardened my heart so I could not hear the truth, and could not accept the love from God? Why do I have a brother like that? Why do I live in a society like this? Why am I not a princess?

Who cares? I am sick of all this, I don’t care.

Wait, I'm getting there.

How many times will I be rejected until I get the right one? When I look back what was happening in my past year since graduation, I think I’m surviving pretty well, thank God I never attempted to kill myself. I try not to see things in that way, rather praise God in the midst of the crisis in my life. I was graduated without a direction, was facing financial problems while I was in NZ. I was forced to work as a cleaner to support my living, I was refused by companies which I applied jobs for. My church and fellowship undergo dynamic changes, and to escape from everything, I moved to Te Anau. I was very tired and stressful working there, to make it worse my boyfriend dumped me when I need him the most. Then I made some minor plans before I head home, hopefully can rest temporarily in my own sanctuary. Then I was facing reverse culture shock, I could not find a job, I could not cope with anything, I don’t want to go to church, I never hang out with my friends, and I withdrew myself from the world…

But thank God it wasn’t too bad at all. I feel much better now and start getting comfortable staying at home. The worst thing I need to do is getting to a job interview. The only thing that disturbing me is, is this what God intends me to do? Is this a process of refining my character, or a result of a series of bad decisions made?

I can’t stop questioning: why ‘everyone else’ is enjoying their life? Why ‘everyone else’ has a much smoother road to walk on than I do? Why ‘everyone else’ seems normal and I feel left out from the society, or the world? I am very sure that my IQ is not too much lower than an average working human, and my EQ is not too terrible than some awfully rich people or politicians.

God knows how much I can endure, he knows that I can handle all this and still firm in faith. It is rather encouraging to hear stories like Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Addison or William Carey about how success cannot be achieved easily. It would be a definite huge success and testimony if I manage to overcome this crisis; I’m looking forward to that day. And I know I will have the opportunities to use this experience to encourage others to trust in God. As long as I stand on and not give into negative aspects. I’m rather peaceful that I don’t expect God to give me ‘the best life’ after being faithful to Him. I don’t expect the successes and glories that I will gain if I believe God loves me. I believe God is good, He is powerful, and He loves me. full stop.

It doesn’t matter right? One day I will see the purpose of all this, one day I will see Him face to face and I will know everything spontaneously. I don’t need the approval or appreciation from another human being, because it is more than enough that the highest God knows me and loves me from the inside out. To be honest, I don't expect anything from this world, though I know there are beautiful places where I always want to visit, I know that the heaven will be much better. The only aim of my life at the moment is: being used by God to extend His Kingdom, that His glory will be magnified in whatever I do. I don't want to waste my life for any lesser purpose than this.

I cried

I'm deeply moved by the news on tv about earthquake in China. I wish I can do something but I can't really help these people. Lord I pray for your comfort and hope for the victims' families, I pray for the energy and efficiency of the rescuers so that they can save as many people as possible. I pray for your soothing and healing on their emotions. Pray that you will reveal yourself through adversities to these people. I pray for Myanmar will open it's door to receive foreign aids and stop letting so many people died unnecessarily in hunger and disease. I pray that this would be a reminder for all the Christians to question their faith and take You seriously. I pray that Christians will be united and step out to offer help and prayers for these people. I pray that Christians will show love and compassion for these people because of Jesus Christ.

More natural disasters, more people killed without hearing the gospel

One thing I love being stay at home is, I feel much closer to the real world. The real world where all suffering, wickedness, injustice happened, and there is a urgent need of the gospel for so many people.

In case you do not know what nature disaster is happening in the world, there are

China: 7.9 magnitude earthquake in Szechuan that kills nearly 10,000.

Myanmar: cyclone Nargis disaster that kills between 50,000 to 10,000, left 200,0000 homeless people.

America: Tornado in north-eastern Oklahoma

It used to be my response to question why all these are happening. But now I have a different response: I believe that God is in control in all these events, I do not know why or what is the purpose, I think I am too arrogant if I demand God’s explanation. My response is: what should be my response in view of God to worldly disasters?

There is a song that came into my head this morning, it is a Chinese hymn which lyrics taken from 1 Peter 4:7-8:

The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

I also read a passage from Ecclesiastes 11 this morning. Ecclesiastes 11:5-6

As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.

In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.

Luke 21:34

“But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap. For it will come upon all who dwell on the face of the whole earth. But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man.”

All of us will suffer, some choose not to suffer at the moment, for they think they could escape, others have no choice but suffer. The Bible says all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted (2 Timothy 3:12). God gave us believers a beautiful promise in the midst of persecution: you will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you they will put to death. You will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your lives (Luke 21:16-19).

My point is, you will suffer no matter what, even you cannot see where or when it is coming from. Know who you believe, stay awake, do not be deceived. Keep praying, be self-controlled and sober minded, love one another earnestly. Sow your seeds in the Kingdom of God, invest in the Kingdom of God, share the gospel, live a godly life, but remember it will cost your suffering and persecution. Enter through the narrow gate, and walk the narrow path, till that day you are proven faithful to God.

Don't forget to pray for disasters victims, pray for people's repentance, and pray for Christian brothers and sisters among them. Pray for God's mercy upon them, pray that food and aid will reach them as soon as possible.

Strong Youth Message

Lord, send your revival

I will not look back

I will not turn back to my sins

I will follow you, my loving Father

I was a lost sheep, and you found me

You chased me like a heavenly hound

I have no where to escape

Revive my soul O Lord

Revive my soul

Transform me into a new creation

Remember my sins no more

From now on I am yours

Forever I am yours

Fill me with the inexpressible joy

Though I shall suffer for your Name

Though this is a miserable world

I shall rejoice for the hope that is in you

The hope for justice

The hope for salvation

The hope for eternity

The hope to see you face-to-face

The hope of the satisfaction of soul

This hope will sustain me till the end of days

O Lord please humble me

O Lord, you are most worthy of all,

Worthy of our praises

Worthy of our worship

Worthy of our honour

Worthy of our obedience

Worthy of our service

Worthy of our love

All because you died for justice and love for us

Through the cross you bear our sins

You were forsaken by the Father

Smitten, afflicted, assaulted

Through the pain, the suffering, the torture

You expressed your mighty grace, unfailing love

O Lord there is none can compare

You humbled me to nothing,

I kneel before you,

Repenting for the depth of my sinfulness

I am desperate for your forgiveness

You have justified me, and please sanctify me.

Discipline me your child, teach me the right way

Lead me to the path of righteousness

I am ever hunger for your beauty, wonder

The glorious light that shines out by your holiness

Is the most beautiful light above all

You are the Supreme God, Highest of all

You alone are worthy of my worship and love

I need my dose of the Scripture

For he grew up before him like a young plant,

and like a root out of dry ground;

he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,

and no beauty that we should desire him.

He was despised and rejected by men;

a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;

and as one from whom men hide their faces

he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he has borne our grieves and carried our sorrows;

yet we esteemed him stricken,

smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions;

He was crushed for our iniquities;

Upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

And with his stripes we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray;

We have turned every one to his own way;

And the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,

yet he opened not his mouth;

like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,

and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,

so he opened not his mouth,

By oppression and judgment he was taken away;

and as for his generation,

who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living,

stricken for the transgression of my people?

And they made his grave with the wicked

and with a rich man in his death,

although he had done no violence,

and there was no deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him;

he has put him to grief;

when his soul makes an offering for sin,

he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;

the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.

Isaiah 53:2~10