Yesterday I did something which I deeply regret now even how I tried to persuade myself it’s ok. I dyed my hair. Convinced by my mother I should lighten my hair colour so I won’t look too serious. However due to lack of hair dye choosing experience I chose a very light colour that doesn’t suit me at all. And I realised something, not only I lost my original healthy black colour which the Lord gave me, I lost myself too.
No matter how long I lived here, I always feel lost. Home is unlike home. Concrete jungle and a cage-like apartment is never my cup of tea. I have to admit that I miss
My soul feels empty, one day emptier than another. Trying hard to catch up with the fashion and make up stuff and fill up the expectation of my mother after she criticised my outward appearance. I tried to be “beautiful” according to the standards of city people, it is almost ‘compulsory’ to read fashion magazines and buy the “right” cosmetic kits for myself. Still, the more I indulge in it, the more I feel empty, and destroy the original beauty: imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:4).
Lord, living in a city bombarded by the temptations to buy, and doing nothing for building up your Kingdom, is much worse than living in poverty and persecuted by bearing your name. I wished I can serve You, but why is it so hard? I do not ask for fame, wealth, career or even marriage, I just want to serve You. But I don’t even have the channel to do it. I failed to see your Glory, and failed to show it to others. I live as indifference with the world even my heart does not want to. Show me a way out, show me a way Lord, I can do whatever You will, just to bring meaning to my life.
1 comment:
Be happy being who you are, there is no one else you need to please beside God. Although you did something you regret, you will have learnt something from the experience I believe. Thats important, we all make mistakes and that is how we often learn, by making them. You colour will grow out with time, or you can dye it black again.
Cheer up my sister, You are beautiful in God's eyes, and thats all that matters. Your rejection of this World's self-indulgant and greed fueled treasures, your eye for God's own creation is a sign of your acceptance and true understanding of God's sovereignty here on Earth.
'For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.'
Be still in your troubled heart, keep strong in your beliefs and high in your faith.
Love faith and hope in Christ.
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