Sunday, November 23, 2008

Some thoughts

I don't know how to describe this stage of my life, it is probably not the most enjoyable or memorable period in my life, but it is definitely the time when I start to grow and become a real adult. After teenage years I never hope that I want to grow up anymore. The world of adults is cruel, hard and cold. There is no happying merrying jumping anymore, but a half-done pottery thrown into the fire to be baked and hardened through fiery tests and trials.
This is the time that I started to experience the bittersweet moments in life. Life is always challenging, the bitterness comes from hardships, difficulties, and loneliness, but praise God there is still sweetness of God's grace and comfort that can only be tasted in the midst of uncomfort. I don't know if I am obsessed with punishing or abusing myself, but I feel better when I am actually not taking life for granted through enduring hardships, especially when I see the patients and their relatives, real people who suffers and in pain.
Life is so fragile, who are we but dust? It is so naive and ignorant that there are people who thought that they can escape suffering and death or avoiding the issue altogether. It is closer than you think, it is not something which is so far from us that we won't suffer if we don't think about it. We think that we are in control, as long as we eat the right food and do exercises or do more good things, we will be healthy all our life. But no, who can decide how life's going to be for himself?
I used to fear of growing up, and tried to avoid suffering and death issues, I had so much fear that I just pretended that it will never happen to me or my loved ones. I was fooling myself, I cannot even decide how my tomorrow is going to be. I rather be mourning for my helplessness than be pretending that I am happy. I rather to endure than trying to escape hard life. I choose the hard way, the narrow path, the challenging way, I face it, endure it, rather than trying to escape, for there is not without hope. I lean on Christ, only hope I have, only One whom I find meaning of life in. Jesus said he comes for the sick and lame, for only sick people needs doctor. I am that sick sinner, who needs a healer, a redeemer, to save me from this deathly pit. Praise be to God that in Him there is hope of eternal life, for we are created for eternity as free people, not enslaved by sins and sufferings in this dark dark world. I am longing for more and more of this hope, and it will be revealed to me when I am being raised up to heaven.
Lord, I miss you, I long for you, I just want to see your face.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


It has been long since I updated my previous post. I had no internet access and no time to go out and surf the internet since I start work. Yes, I started work at a hospital kitchen in Singapore, amazing huh… Well, it has been challenging so far, but still manageable. Just feeling tired since there is so much to learn and so much to do. My job is to supervise the kitchen and make sure no food poisoning will occur.

I have learnt and grown a lot through this uneasy time of my life. Working in a new environment, taking myself out of the comfort zone is always not easy. Especially in a setting which facing so much sufferings and deaths, it’s hard not to consider life in a deeper level. I am depending on God more than ever now, struggling with my unbelief and fears each day. But He has provided me sufficient grace and strength to overcome each day’s troubles. I learnt that His grace is sufficient for the day, unless I renew my mind, confess my sins, and submit myself to Him each day, I could not retrieve enough strength and courage to face the challenges. I will be easily drained. However, His power is displayed in my weaknesses, I need to believe that in fact He loves me, and He conquered sin and death. Therefore I will rejoice, and worship Him by serving others earnestly in my workplace.