I took this picture at the eco lake in Botanic Gardens, Singapore. I enjoyed the serenity of the moment in which can hardly be found in other places in Singapore. This photo further evokes my desire to be a photographer. I don't know if I can make a living out of it, but certainly I will not give up that dream, to travel and take nature and landscape photographs, to display the beauty of creation. There's still long way to go, to switch from pratical to artistic, yet that is my little dream.Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Morning at Botanic Gardens
I took this picture at the eco lake in Botanic Gardens, Singapore. I enjoyed the serenity of the moment in which can hardly be found in other places in Singapore. This photo further evokes my desire to be a photographer. I don't know if I can make a living out of it, but certainly I will not give up that dream, to travel and take nature and landscape photographs, to display the beauty of creation. There's still long way to go, to switch from pratical to artistic, yet that is my little dream.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Psalm 119:25-48
My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word!
When I told of my ways, you answered me;
teach me you statutes!
Make me understand the way of your precepts,
and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word!
Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law!
I have chosen the way of faithfulness, I set your rules before me.
I cling to your testimonies, O LORD; let me not be put to shame!
I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!
Teach me, O LORD, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.
Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.
Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!
Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things;
and give me life in your ways.
Confirm to your servant your promise that you may be feared.
Turn away the reproach that I dread, for your rules are good.
Behold, I long for your precepts;
in your righteousness give me life!
Let your steadfast love come to me, O LORD,
your salvation according to your promise;
then shall I have an answer for him who taunts me,
for I trust in your word.
And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth,
for my hope is in your rules.
I will keep your law continually, forever and ever,
and I shall walk in a wide place,
for I have sought your precepts.
I will also speak of your testimonies before kings
and shall not be put to shame,
for I find my delight in your commandments, which I love.
I will lift up my hands toward your commandments, which I love,
and I will meditate on your statutes.
When I told of my ways, you answered me;
teach me you statutes!
Make me understand the way of your precepts,
and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word!
Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law!
I have chosen the way of faithfulness, I set your rules before me.
I cling to your testimonies, O LORD; let me not be put to shame!
I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!
Teach me, O LORD, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.
Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.
Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!
Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things;
and give me life in your ways.
Confirm to your servant your promise that you may be feared.
Turn away the reproach that I dread, for your rules are good.
Behold, I long for your precepts;
in your righteousness give me life!
Let your steadfast love come to me, O LORD,
your salvation according to your promise;
then shall I have an answer for him who taunts me,
for I trust in your word.
And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth,
for my hope is in your rules.
I will keep your law continually, forever and ever,
and I shall walk in a wide place,
for I have sought your precepts.
I will also speak of your testimonies before kings
and shall not be put to shame,
for I find my delight in your commandments, which I love.
I will lift up my hands toward your commandments, which I love,
and I will meditate on your statutes.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Monologue
I don't know where I heard this before, but it is so true to describe my status right now: "when one tried so hard yet failed to achieve anything, the person will turn and go the opposite way." It starts in my work life, then it infected my personal life, then spiritual life, eating me up bit by bit. Dreams which seemed so close are now going further and further away from reality. I can't believe I had been through life in Kuching and New Zealand, there were like a dream, as if I've never been there before. Suddenly I could not recognise myself anymore, I am a stranger to myself.
I looked at the past I admired it, I look to my dreams I adored it, all the possibilities in life. Yet when I look at the present, the past and future vanished, it kills joy and hope. Nothing describe my current feeling better than sadness and emptiness. The perception of despair in life has driven a change in my character, I have to admit I am no longer who I was. I no longer have the passion in my heart, it became an insatiable, unreachable longing for the life I once dreamt of. I become cold hearted, hard, tough person at work, I become a person whom I used to hate and refuse to become. How scary that is, what politics and environment can change a person.
I look at myself, the Anne I used to know, I said to her, hey Anne, where are you now? Where are you, the one who loves God and passionate about life and people? Anne, you once enjoyed everything surrounding you so much, even the unnoticeable things you can appreciate, but now why you are so discontented? Anne, can't you remember that God was so gracious to you, that you experienced what most people would not experience in the world? You have been to New Zealand, you had tasted how good how wonderful God's creation can be. You tasted the goodness of the Lord, His love and faithfulness when you are weakest and loneliest, you experienced his love! Oh how forgetful and unappreciative you are! How can you complain when God withhold his goodness for this time even he promised an eternal life for you? Do you accept only the blessings but not the afflictions he sent? What gives you the right to choose? Who do you think you are? You better laugh when God accepted you as His child, don't be greedy and you got to be patient. Only those who are able to prepare themselves and wait upon Him will be blessed in the day of His return.
Remind yourself of His goodness, Anne, remind yourself of who He is. Who are you but a mere created being? Who are you to question God's goodness? Humble yourself before Him and revere His holiness and beauty. Clothe yourself with the righteousness which comes from the Lamb of God. Go, run, kneel before Him and worship Him, confess your sins before Him, and you may receive the grace of healing. Go Anne, for He is slow to anger and abound in love, He will forgive you according to His steadfast love. Tell Him your troubles, your angers, your frustrations, your disappointments. He is there willing to listen and being patient to you. Pour out to Him, and honor His name, you will receive healing and strength.
Love Him, Anne, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. Remember to look upon the cross, where He spread out His arms and nailed for your sins. Remember he has risen and conquered the curse of sin and death. Remember he is alive, at this very moment, He is alive, and watching you typing every single word here. Remember. Don't forget the Promises, He is able to guard your inheritance, your faith till you return to your heavenly home.
Therefore, serve Him, with grace and truth, tend His sheep. Feed the hungry, quench the thirst. Be blessed by being His messenger, carrier of the gospel, to every corners where He intends to redeem. Just rest in His promises and faithfulness, rest in Him, surrender yourself to Him, let Him lead you, protect you, guide you. And you will never regret of this precious life given by Him!
Amen.
I looked at the past I admired it, I look to my dreams I adored it, all the possibilities in life. Yet when I look at the present, the past and future vanished, it kills joy and hope. Nothing describe my current feeling better than sadness and emptiness. The perception of despair in life has driven a change in my character, I have to admit I am no longer who I was. I no longer have the passion in my heart, it became an insatiable, unreachable longing for the life I once dreamt of. I become cold hearted, hard, tough person at work, I become a person whom I used to hate and refuse to become. How scary that is, what politics and environment can change a person.
I look at myself, the Anne I used to know, I said to her, hey Anne, where are you now? Where are you, the one who loves God and passionate about life and people? Anne, you once enjoyed everything surrounding you so much, even the unnoticeable things you can appreciate, but now why you are so discontented? Anne, can't you remember that God was so gracious to you, that you experienced what most people would not experience in the world? You have been to New Zealand, you had tasted how good how wonderful God's creation can be. You tasted the goodness of the Lord, His love and faithfulness when you are weakest and loneliest, you experienced his love! Oh how forgetful and unappreciative you are! How can you complain when God withhold his goodness for this time even he promised an eternal life for you? Do you accept only the blessings but not the afflictions he sent? What gives you the right to choose? Who do you think you are? You better laugh when God accepted you as His child, don't be greedy and you got to be patient. Only those who are able to prepare themselves and wait upon Him will be blessed in the day of His return.
Remind yourself of His goodness, Anne, remind yourself of who He is. Who are you but a mere created being? Who are you to question God's goodness? Humble yourself before Him and revere His holiness and beauty. Clothe yourself with the righteousness which comes from the Lamb of God. Go, run, kneel before Him and worship Him, confess your sins before Him, and you may receive the grace of healing. Go Anne, for He is slow to anger and abound in love, He will forgive you according to His steadfast love. Tell Him your troubles, your angers, your frustrations, your disappointments. He is there willing to listen and being patient to you. Pour out to Him, and honor His name, you will receive healing and strength.
Love Him, Anne, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. Remember to look upon the cross, where He spread out His arms and nailed for your sins. Remember he has risen and conquered the curse of sin and death. Remember he is alive, at this very moment, He is alive, and watching you typing every single word here. Remember. Don't forget the Promises, He is able to guard your inheritance, your faith till you return to your heavenly home.
Therefore, serve Him, with grace and truth, tend His sheep. Feed the hungry, quench the thirst. Be blessed by being His messenger, carrier of the gospel, to every corners where He intends to redeem. Just rest in His promises and faithfulness, rest in Him, surrender yourself to Him, let Him lead you, protect you, guide you. And you will never regret of this precious life given by Him!
Amen.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Recharging mode
Gosh I got two days MC. Was coughing badly, runny nose and extremely exhausted. Somehow still feeling guilty for taking sick leave. I guess it's time to re-think my life, the way I live, behave and do things. I have been side tracked recently, not knowing what I'm doing, just getting by day by day. A voice telling me that that's not right, I need to "re-calibrate" myself with God's will in my life.
As I am already stressed for things getting out of control at work, I stress myself further for being guilty not going to work and thinking I might be trying to escape subconsciously. And there is a voice telling me, go rest, sleep and eat, then get up and walk again, like Elijah. I don't make equal my boss with Jezebel chasing Elijah, but the situation is similar. Elijah was wearied and exhausted, so do I.
Thank God giving me this time off, so I can re-think about my attitude towards things. I confess that I am not putting all effort at work, and am focusing on the escape routes. I no longer have the courage to confront the problems and people, rather putting my head in the sand like the ostrich. Obviously this is not going to help at all. Lord, not matter what will happen in a few months time, I thank you for giving me this job. I repent for my sins of being slack and cold hearted. Revive me Lord, give me that passion to serve again, to serve my boss, the patients, my colleagues and subordinates. Forgive me for taking things lightly. Revive me, give me wisdom and strength again to be a good witness and testimony for You. I am ashamed for who I am and what I'm doing right now. Please give me a new chance and make it right. Show me the way out and solutions to the problems and issues. Lead me to do your will, and I shall give all glory to your name. Amen.
As I am already stressed for things getting out of control at work, I stress myself further for being guilty not going to work and thinking I might be trying to escape subconsciously. And there is a voice telling me, go rest, sleep and eat, then get up and walk again, like Elijah. I don't make equal my boss with Jezebel chasing Elijah, but the situation is similar. Elijah was wearied and exhausted, so do I.
Thank God giving me this time off, so I can re-think about my attitude towards things. I confess that I am not putting all effort at work, and am focusing on the escape routes. I no longer have the courage to confront the problems and people, rather putting my head in the sand like the ostrich. Obviously this is not going to help at all. Lord, not matter what will happen in a few months time, I thank you for giving me this job. I repent for my sins of being slack and cold hearted. Revive me Lord, give me that passion to serve again, to serve my boss, the patients, my colleagues and subordinates. Forgive me for taking things lightly. Revive me, give me wisdom and strength again to be a good witness and testimony for You. I am ashamed for who I am and what I'm doing right now. Please give me a new chance and make it right. Show me the way out and solutions to the problems and issues. Lead me to do your will, and I shall give all glory to your name. Amen.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Weak again
Sometimes I just wish that I'm a bit more consistent in my character. It just shatters too easily when things seem too difficult to overcome in life. I'm feeling frustrated recently, mainly because of work, I feel very discouraged and unmotivated since I have been criticized everyday that I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not performing at all etc.
I have been thinking lots. Especially on my vision in life and what are the options etc. Always come to the conclusion that I want to do so much, but there is so little that I can do. My European dream is farther and farther away since my mum told me there's a huge bank debt due to my study in NZ needs to be paid off. Changing job means that I will get a lesser pay job, and before that I need to get my PR before I can hop somewhere else. Argh, why is life so hard?
I'm just very tired again, physically, mentally, and spiritually weak. I know I need some rest, but no matter how long I slept I'm still drained, unable to recharge. Why oh why... Lord give me strength, vision and hope.
I have been thinking lots. Especially on my vision in life and what are the options etc. Always come to the conclusion that I want to do so much, but there is so little that I can do. My European dream is farther and farther away since my mum told me there's a huge bank debt due to my study in NZ needs to be paid off. Changing job means that I will get a lesser pay job, and before that I need to get my PR before I can hop somewhere else. Argh, why is life so hard?
I'm just very tired again, physically, mentally, and spiritually weak. I know I need some rest, but no matter how long I slept I'm still drained, unable to recharge. Why oh why... Lord give me strength, vision and hope.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Our Loving Father Carrying Us Through Life
This morning in my quiet time God revealed the idea of him carrying us through in our lives. In Deuteronomy 1:29, when God called Moses to bring the Israelites into the hill country of Amorites, the Israelites were afraid that God is going to destroy them. Then Moses said to them, "Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place." Deut 1:29-31The idea of God came to fight for the Israelites and carries them all the way through into the promise land is overwhelming. He's not just up there watching them struggling but he involves! Therefore when we look back in our lives, isn't God carrying us through until now in the midst of difficulties and uncertainties?
In another occasion in Isaiah 30, the Israelites went to seek refuge and protection from Pharaoh in Egypt instead of asking God for direction. Yet God says, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and trust shall be your strength." Isa 30:15
My understanding for this verse is to repent and rest in his promises, and be calm in our soul while waiting upon him in trust we are strengthened. And one day we shall weep no more (Isa 30:19), and he will be gracious to us that as soon as he hears our cry, he answers us, and though he gives us the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet he will hide himself no more but our eyes shall see him.
Jesus says Matthew 11:28 'Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.'
May our eyes be opened and find rest in His Truth. Amen
Friday, May 22, 2009
Sorry can't put words in a whole sentence
Tired
Afraid
Prayed
Regained strength
Went to work
Okay
Sudden appraisal from boss
Upset but sober
Busy
Sad
Public Lecture
St Andrews
Alister McGrath
Awesome
Before the throne of God above
In Christ Alone
Be thou my vision
Cried
Repented for my sins
Seek for a specific vision from God
I am special and unique to God
He will always be with me Matt 28
Joshua 9
Romans 12:2
...
Pearl - kingdom - precious
I am unique which something only I can do
Vision:
1. Who God is
2. What is the gospel and its impact
2. Who we are
will be continue and refined...
Afraid
Prayed
Regained strength
Went to work
Okay
Sudden appraisal from boss
Upset but sober
Busy
Sad
Public Lecture
St Andrews
Alister McGrath
Awesome
Before the throne of God above
In Christ Alone
Be thou my vision
Cried
Repented for my sins
Seek for a specific vision from God
I am special and unique to God
He will always be with me Matt 28
Joshua 9
Romans 12:2
...
Pearl - kingdom - precious
I am unique which something only I can do
Vision:
1. Who God is
2. What is the gospel and its impact
2. Who we are
will be continue and refined...
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Today
Frustrated at work, desire for a change. Want to go Europe and go nomadic. Need to survive and support others, how? Am I thinking too much? Ah, who cares, it will all work out.
Want to be more 'humanised', loving, kind and feminine. Sick of being logical (nor I'm a Vulcan), rational, and firm. I want to be myself. I miss me.
Father I'm running into your arms again, being your little daughter, seeking your comfort and protection. I'm resting in your arms, listening to your gentle whisper, letting go of every worrisome tasks in the world...
Tomorrow will have tomorrow's worries. Let me finish off today with a good rest in peace.
Want to be more 'humanised', loving, kind and feminine. Sick of being logical (nor I'm a Vulcan), rational, and firm. I want to be myself. I miss me.
Father I'm running into your arms again, being your little daughter, seeking your comfort and protection. I'm resting in your arms, listening to your gentle whisper, letting go of every worrisome tasks in the world...
Tomorrow will have tomorrow's worries. Let me finish off today with a good rest in peace.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
God is My Strength and Portion Forever
Was reading Ps 73 last night and this morning. As I am exhausted and wearisome from work, God has given these words to me:
When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.
Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
May these words engraved in my heart always, indeed Your grace is sufficient for the day. To live is Christ, to die is gain. I will do my part well, and leave the worries and anxieties to you. I will lift up my burden from my shoulder and offer them to you. My life is not mine, I am a slave for Jesus alone, therefore I have been set free from the enslavement of others. May you use me as a channel for your light, grace, mercy and love. May others see no longer me but Christ in me. Ah may all glory be unto your name. Fill me with your Spirit of power and love, no more timidity. May I be a blessing for somebody today!
Amen
When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.
Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
May these words engraved in my heart always, indeed Your grace is sufficient for the day. To live is Christ, to die is gain. I will do my part well, and leave the worries and anxieties to you. I will lift up my burden from my shoulder and offer them to you. My life is not mine, I am a slave for Jesus alone, therefore I have been set free from the enslavement of others. May you use me as a channel for your light, grace, mercy and love. May others see no longer me but Christ in me. Ah may all glory be unto your name. Fill me with your Spirit of power and love, no more timidity. May I be a blessing for somebody today!
Amen
It is well with my soul
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
Refrain
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
Refrain
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
Refrain
But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
Refrain
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Refrain
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Escape
Glad that this week is over. It has been heavy, stressful and hectic. Need a rest. Offended people at work, showed my weakness and bad attitude towards others. I am an individualist, could not stand and accept certain things and I will not compromise.
Maybe this is not the job for me. I want to be an artist. I want to paint, to photograph, to write, to compose, to craft. Yet sadly that side of me is dying day after day. I'm losing my skills and ability to express each day. Everyday I struggle to accept the way life is, as what everyone has been telling me. I pretend to be content, I give thanks, yet something is there pleading for me to escape.
Yes, my word for the moment: Escape. Just want to escape, no matter where, as far as possible from this horrible place. Don't want to be controlled, don't want to be manipulated, don't want to be restricted, don't want to be limited. Yet I pose another question: what makes me deserve to escape? If this is for me, should I run away from the 'fate', the life that is being planned for me?
God, what is obedience? I try to obey you everyday, yet I failed. Is obedience accept the way life is and endure through it all? Is it rebellious to choose my road and walk the life I prefer to? What is right and what is wrong? What is your will?
Nothing seems ever changed. I thought I had, but everything comes back again. My attitude, my bad temper, my confusions, my doubts, my depression, my low self esteem, all coming back again. I though I had conquered it over the years, yet it all came back again, I feel like a double failure, even worse than before. Why can't I just change and be good? the peaceful way.
I feel less Christian now, I know what I'm talking about, you don't have to talk to me in a Christian way. I know I am not Christian at this moment. I know I need to repent and submit myself to God. But the anger is burning in my heart and it is growing. I'm tired, just tired.
Not justifying any of my thoughts or behaviour. I'm just telling how I feel right now. I need some rest, simply. Homesick. Lonely.
I meant to be a loner. This is who I am, rebellious, weird, difficult to live with, difficult to please, difficult to understand.
Maybe this is not the job for me. I want to be an artist. I want to paint, to photograph, to write, to compose, to craft. Yet sadly that side of me is dying day after day. I'm losing my skills and ability to express each day. Everyday I struggle to accept the way life is, as what everyone has been telling me. I pretend to be content, I give thanks, yet something is there pleading for me to escape.
Yes, my word for the moment: Escape. Just want to escape, no matter where, as far as possible from this horrible place. Don't want to be controlled, don't want to be manipulated, don't want to be restricted, don't want to be limited. Yet I pose another question: what makes me deserve to escape? If this is for me, should I run away from the 'fate', the life that is being planned for me?
God, what is obedience? I try to obey you everyday, yet I failed. Is obedience accept the way life is and endure through it all? Is it rebellious to choose my road and walk the life I prefer to? What is right and what is wrong? What is your will?
Nothing seems ever changed. I thought I had, but everything comes back again. My attitude, my bad temper, my confusions, my doubts, my depression, my low self esteem, all coming back again. I though I had conquered it over the years, yet it all came back again, I feel like a double failure, even worse than before. Why can't I just change and be good? the peaceful way.
I feel less Christian now, I know what I'm talking about, you don't have to talk to me in a Christian way. I know I am not Christian at this moment. I know I need to repent and submit myself to God. But the anger is burning in my heart and it is growing. I'm tired, just tired.
Not justifying any of my thoughts or behaviour. I'm just telling how I feel right now. I need some rest, simply. Homesick. Lonely.
I meant to be a loner. This is who I am, rebellious, weird, difficult to live with, difficult to please, difficult to understand.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
The Anchor
The Lord is my Rock, when I am lost wandering in the seas of uncertainties, He alone is my Rock whom I need to anchor with faith on. The Rock is definitely strong enough to hold my little boat of life, but it depends on how big is my anchoring faith to hold it. Lord, give me a super duper huge anchor so that I can cling on You the Mighty Rock even in the midst of fiercest storm!
Being disciplined by Father
I rather take risks for Christ than seek security and comfort for myself. For which is scarier: the challenges in front of my eyes, or separation from God eternally, or seeing people around separate from God eternally? I can never turn back to the life I was in, though sometimes I was tempted. Not that I am going to do something so great and fearful in life, but the more I know the Truth, the more I hunger for something greater than the life in the past. Sometimes I feel very lonely, like no one could understand or walk with me, especially when my family don't understand. It would be the best if my family could love God and worship God more and walk with me in this battle of life. Maybe this is not their calling.
I kept thinking of Christ crucified on the cross and the nails going through His hands and feet after came back from listening to khorale's performance at Esplanade. They were singing a hymn called "were you there?", I can only remember the words of the song were: "were you there, when Christ was crucified? Each time I think of it I would tremble..." Why is Christ crucified? What was the price he paid and what was he paying for? He either was mad, a liar, or He was speaking the truth. If Christ can crucify himself so lonely on the cross, what makes him willing to do so? Isn't it the joy of setting his children free and enjoy the relationship with God the Father forever?
I tremble. I do tremble. It's just work right? Why am I having so much fear to face tomorrow? Even the people are so mean, even problems are so many, even big decisions need to be made., even time is not enough, even my body is weak.. If God would give His son for us, who can be against us? Who can separate us from the love of God in Christ?
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? "My son, do not regard lightly in the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." ...
but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for you feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled... (Hebrews 12:3-15)
I love this passage of the bible... it speaks right through me at the moment, nothing seems more appropriate. What are my struggles? Have I shed my blood? My hands are droopy, knees are weak indeed, but I need to strengthen myself and walk straight again. I had failed to make peace with people at work, that's exactly what I need to work on, because if I have not being gracious to other people, how am I going to obtain grace from God? And if I am bitter because other being mean to me, I will start defend myself and making waves of troubles... and that would not make me a good witness for God...
Can I get through all this? If He is my helper, will I still fear? If I still fear, that means I do not know him nor believe in Him. If I have no fear because even He is helping me, what can mere human being do to me?
Can I be joyful and content? Yes I can. I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to be abound. In any and every circumstance , I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. Just simply because I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me (Philippians 4:11-13). May all praise and worship be to the Holy God alone. Amen.
I kept thinking of Christ crucified on the cross and the nails going through His hands and feet after came back from listening to khorale's performance at Esplanade. They were singing a hymn called "were you there?", I can only remember the words of the song were: "were you there, when Christ was crucified? Each time I think of it I would tremble..." Why is Christ crucified? What was the price he paid and what was he paying for? He either was mad, a liar, or He was speaking the truth. If Christ can crucify himself so lonely on the cross, what makes him willing to do so? Isn't it the joy of setting his children free and enjoy the relationship with God the Father forever?
I tremble. I do tremble. It's just work right? Why am I having so much fear to face tomorrow? Even the people are so mean, even problems are so many, even big decisions need to be made., even time is not enough, even my body is weak.. If God would give His son for us, who can be against us? Who can separate us from the love of God in Christ?
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? "My son, do not regard lightly in the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." ...
but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for you feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled... (Hebrews 12:3-15)
I love this passage of the bible... it speaks right through me at the moment, nothing seems more appropriate. What are my struggles? Have I shed my blood? My hands are droopy, knees are weak indeed, but I need to strengthen myself and walk straight again. I had failed to make peace with people at work, that's exactly what I need to work on, because if I have not being gracious to other people, how am I going to obtain grace from God? And if I am bitter because other being mean to me, I will start defend myself and making waves of troubles... and that would not make me a good witness for God...
Can I get through all this? If He is my helper, will I still fear? If I still fear, that means I do not know him nor believe in Him. If I have no fear because even He is helping me, what can mere human being do to me?
Can I be joyful and content? Yes I can. I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to be abound. In any and every circumstance , I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. Just simply because I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me (Philippians 4:11-13). May all praise and worship be to the Holy God alone. Amen.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
A Tapestry of Sacred Music
One thing I like about Singapore is the free arts and cultural performances and exhibitions. I went to a music festival in Esplanade called 'a Tapestry of Sacred Music' on last Sunday and watched chorale, Indian tabla and sitar performance, and Balinese Court Gamelan.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
I need Jesus
Today is my off day. No peace. Bored. Empty.
Need love, need friends, need family, need Jesus.
Frustrated, weary, tired, burdened, need Jesus.
Lost confidence, fear, anxiety, need Jesus.
Feel like good food, good drink, good movie, good shopping, good book, need Jesus.
Need a way out, a solution, energy, wisdom, perseverance, need Jesus.
Need fulfillment, happiness, comfort, need Jesus.
I need Jesus.
Need love, need friends, need family, need Jesus.
Frustrated, weary, tired, burdened, need Jesus.
Lost confidence, fear, anxiety, need Jesus.
Feel like good food, good drink, good movie, good shopping, good book, need Jesus.
Need a way out, a solution, energy, wisdom, perseverance, need Jesus.
Need fulfillment, happiness, comfort, need Jesus.
I need Jesus.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Longing for His Kingdom
Coming back to Singapore is like from paradise to hell. Why is there such a huge contrast? I had a glimpse of heaven yet groaning deep inside my heart that we are living in an imperfect world, full of suffering, pain and hopelessness. We have sinned and separated from God and we need him to live out who we are.
It is like a wake up call for me, it was the right time I bought a book from second hand bookstore called ‘Revolution in World Missions’ by K P Yohannan. This book strikes me so much that it slapped me in the face and revealing how sinful my life is in living in an affluent society yet unthankful, and claimed to have faith but no actions for the Great Commission. My friends are suffering in one form or another, my relatives do not believe in Jesus, my colleagues probably never heard of the gospel. What should I do?
I cannot see so far ahead but I know what I need to do now: to get back to God, study his word, meditate upon it, and pray. The voice is stronger and stronger that He is going to make me do something great or huge for His Kingdom. But this is not the time yet; this is just the time to shape my character, to build up my experience and knowledge in order to carry out the ‘mission’ in the future. I am not an ambitious person; it does not matter for me if I am doing anything great in life or just an ordinary person. But one thing I know is, God has put into my heart so much passion or empathy for the world and it is going to accumulate and in the end push me to do something, which I do not know yet.
I would like to move to a nice little village with my family, completed with everything we need, away from all the hustles and bustles in the big cities, go fishing in the weekends, work with my own hands and get rewarded… not worrying too much about everything. But I knew I couldn’t do it, because it is selfish. I will not even able to account to myself that I know Christ has done everything on the cross and yet I keep the gospel to myself, taking the good and ignoring the needs, especially when Yohannan mentioned in his book that when every pulse you feel, there are people dying without hearing the gospel.
Lord, but how? It is easy to say, but how do I serve You? I struggle everyday with completing my work task and stay healthy and vibrant. I am weary and tired, mind is full of fears, problems to solve, worries… how do I serve You? I hardly have time to fellowship with other believers, cannot go to church on Sundays, Lord You know my heart aches everytime when I missed a cellgroup, church service, or quiet time with You. You know my struggles, you know my weaknesses. I repent for all my sins of being materialistic and hedonistic at times, setting up idols to fulfil my hunger and emptiness. It is a constant battle mentally, physically and spiritually. I pray that no matter how, never let me forsake my faith in you (for it is the stupidiest thing to do), and use me for your glory, in loving, serving, praying for others, and take part in the work of the gospel. May your kingdom come, your will be done. May your name be glorified above all else. Amen.
It is like a wake up call for me, it was the right time I bought a book from second hand bookstore called ‘Revolution in World Missions’ by K P Yohannan. This book strikes me so much that it slapped me in the face and revealing how sinful my life is in living in an affluent society yet unthankful, and claimed to have faith but no actions for the Great Commission. My friends are suffering in one form or another, my relatives do not believe in Jesus, my colleagues probably never heard of the gospel. What should I do?
I cannot see so far ahead but I know what I need to do now: to get back to God, study his word, meditate upon it, and pray. The voice is stronger and stronger that He is going to make me do something great or huge for His Kingdom. But this is not the time yet; this is just the time to shape my character, to build up my experience and knowledge in order to carry out the ‘mission’ in the future. I am not an ambitious person; it does not matter for me if I am doing anything great in life or just an ordinary person. But one thing I know is, God has put into my heart so much passion or empathy for the world and it is going to accumulate and in the end push me to do something, which I do not know yet.
I would like to move to a nice little village with my family, completed with everything we need, away from all the hustles and bustles in the big cities, go fishing in the weekends, work with my own hands and get rewarded… not worrying too much about everything. But I knew I couldn’t do it, because it is selfish. I will not even able to account to myself that I know Christ has done everything on the cross and yet I keep the gospel to myself, taking the good and ignoring the needs, especially when Yohannan mentioned in his book that when every pulse you feel, there are people dying without hearing the gospel.
Lord, but how? It is easy to say, but how do I serve You? I struggle everyday with completing my work task and stay healthy and vibrant. I am weary and tired, mind is full of fears, problems to solve, worries… how do I serve You? I hardly have time to fellowship with other believers, cannot go to church on Sundays, Lord You know my heart aches everytime when I missed a cellgroup, church service, or quiet time with You. You know my struggles, you know my weaknesses. I repent for all my sins of being materialistic and hedonistic at times, setting up idols to fulfil my hunger and emptiness. It is a constant battle mentally, physically and spiritually. I pray that no matter how, never let me forsake my faith in you (for it is the stupidiest thing to do), and use me for your glory, in loving, serving, praying for others, and take part in the work of the gospel. May your kingdom come, your will be done. May your name be glorified above all else. Amen.
Awesome Weekend in Sabah
It has been long since I blog. Blogging is a good indicator of my ‘spiritual awakeness’ as I often was being caught up and ‘buried’ by everyday routines and find no inspiration to write at all.
I just came back from a short trip in Sabah with my family during the Easter weekend. It was so awesome and it makes me feeling that my soul has coming back again. I have been missing those days in New Zealand while life is full of input and colours from travelling, university life with friends and OCF etc. Work is so boring in reality and inescapable, full of challenges, routines, and stress.
Talk about the holiday first, I went to Kota Kinabalu, the capital of state of Sabah, in northern East Malaysia, on the island of Borneo. We had minimum planning beforehand so everything just happens as it goes. My first challenge was renting a car in the airport (terminal 2), and drive it to terminal 1 where my family was. I haven’t drive since last year and I was slightly unconfident but I made it safely there. In the first day we were just checking in to the hotel, sort out our plans, hanging around in the city and markets.
We watched the beautiful sunset at Tanjung Aru beach and had dinner at the seafood place in Kampung Air, where there were hundreds choices of live seafood and free Kadazan performance on stage. The clams, shellfish, bamboo chicken with rice wine, sea cucumber etc were so good you can never find them anywhere else in the peninsula or Singapore.
Second day we decided to go up to the mountains since we rented a car. Firstly we went to Monsopiad Cultural Village, where the original Kadazan village was located since hundreds years ago. The dance performance was good and I was challenged by the Kadazan-Dusun warrior to shoot the balloon on the stage with the blowpipe. He was quite scary at first but better as he starts talking. We were challenged for the bamboo dance as well which I badly failed due to my weak muscle-nerve coordination. We were showed the houses, lifestyle, history and culture of the Kadazan-Dusun there, and of course the house of skull, where the ‘trophies’ of the headhunters are. Also, they showed us the making of rice wine, sago worms, tried a few traditional games like slingshot, and welcomed with the delicious traditional rice wine.
After the visit to the cultural village, it was the beginning of an adventure of surprises ahead. Our aim was Kinabalu Park where we were hoping to see Mount Kinabalu, the highest peak in South East Asia and Australia region, as well as the proboscis monkeys, an endangered monkey species which can only be found in Borneo. We roughly know how to go and how long it takes but did not know what to expect. The road trip turned out so amazing even the roads was not easy to drive on. The villages, paddy fields, stalls, ranges, vegetations, climate, rainforest… were so beautiful and my heart revives as I was praising God all the way through. The air was so cooling and refreshing, and people were so friendly. We went through a few towns, including Ranau and Kundasang, beautiful view, nice coffee too, and there located a war memorial for British soldiers during world war 2. If not mistaken on Anzac day 25 April there will be a mini service there for the remembrance of the sacrifices by Australian and New Zealand soldiers. The best part of the day was the sunset on the mountains, where the clouds intertwined between the ranges, it was one of the most beautiful sunsets I had ever seen in my life. We had Filipino dinner at Kampung Api-Api, was a unique experience, nice ambience and tasty, authentic Filipino food and people.
Third day was the ‘ocean day’. We visited the Sunday market, had our breakfast, and bought some souvenirs there, then headed to the islands after returning the rented car.
We decided to go to Manukan and Sapi Island out of a few islands in Tengku Abdul Rahman Marine Park. We hired snorkelling gears and snorkelled in Sapi and Manukan Island. To my slight disappointment I did neither seen live corals nor huge marine animals nor sea turtles. However the colourful tropical fishes and sea urchins were fun to see and swim with. Clear sea water and white sandy beaches were enough for us to enjoy and relax for a whole day.
As we unable to decide we went back to Kampung Air’s eating place again and had the free flow seafood hotpot there.
This morning went for a walk at Tanjung Aru Beach again to say bye bye. Restaurants there were so nice and I started to imagine having a mini wedding there.
Really if I can I wish to marry a Sabahan or Sarawakian, so that I have excuse to go there frequently or live there! I love East Malaysia and I feel a special connection with that land as there is where I was born and grew up. Sadly, I had to leave for Singapore and back to the real world again.
I just came back from a short trip in Sabah with my family during the Easter weekend. It was so awesome and it makes me feeling that my soul has coming back again. I have been missing those days in New Zealand while life is full of input and colours from travelling, university life with friends and OCF etc. Work is so boring in reality and inescapable, full of challenges, routines, and stress.
Talk about the holiday first, I went to Kota Kinabalu, the capital of state of Sabah, in northern East Malaysia, on the island of Borneo. We had minimum planning beforehand so everything just happens as it goes. My first challenge was renting a car in the airport (terminal 2), and drive it to terminal 1 where my family was. I haven’t drive since last year and I was slightly unconfident but I made it safely there. In the first day we were just checking in to the hotel, sort out our plans, hanging around in the city and markets.
We watched the beautiful sunset at Tanjung Aru beach and had dinner at the seafood place in Kampung Air, where there were hundreds choices of live seafood and free Kadazan performance on stage. The clams, shellfish, bamboo chicken with rice wine, sea cucumber etc were so good you can never find them anywhere else in the peninsula or Singapore.
Second day we decided to go up to the mountains since we rented a car. Firstly we went to Monsopiad Cultural Village, where the original Kadazan village was located since hundreds years ago. The dance performance was good and I was challenged by the Kadazan-Dusun warrior to shoot the balloon on the stage with the blowpipe. He was quite scary at first but better as he starts talking. We were challenged for the bamboo dance as well which I badly failed due to my weak muscle-nerve coordination. We were showed the houses, lifestyle, history and culture of the Kadazan-Dusun there, and of course the house of skull, where the ‘trophies’ of the headhunters are. Also, they showed us the making of rice wine, sago worms, tried a few traditional games like slingshot, and welcomed with the delicious traditional rice wine.
After the visit to the cultural village, it was the beginning of an adventure of surprises ahead. Our aim was Kinabalu Park where we were hoping to see Mount Kinabalu, the highest peak in South East Asia and Australia region, as well as the proboscis monkeys, an endangered monkey species which can only be found in Borneo. We roughly know how to go and how long it takes but did not know what to expect. The road trip turned out so amazing even the roads was not easy to drive on. The villages, paddy fields, stalls, ranges, vegetations, climate, rainforest… were so beautiful and my heart revives as I was praising God all the way through. The air was so cooling and refreshing, and people were so friendly. We went through a few towns, including Ranau and Kundasang, beautiful view, nice coffee too, and there located a war memorial for British soldiers during world war 2. If not mistaken on Anzac day 25 April there will be a mini service there for the remembrance of the sacrifices by Australian and New Zealand soldiers. The best part of the day was the sunset on the mountains, where the clouds intertwined between the ranges, it was one of the most beautiful sunsets I had ever seen in my life. We had Filipino dinner at Kampung Api-Api, was a unique experience, nice ambience and tasty, authentic Filipino food and people.
Third day was the ‘ocean day’. We visited the Sunday market, had our breakfast, and bought some souvenirs there, then headed to the islands after returning the rented car.We decided to go to Manukan and Sapi Island out of a few islands in Tengku Abdul Rahman Marine Park. We hired snorkelling gears and snorkelled in Sapi and Manukan Island. To my slight disappointment I did neither seen live corals nor huge marine animals nor sea turtles. However the colourful tropical fishes and sea urchins were fun to see and swim with. Clear sea water and white sandy beaches were enough for us to enjoy and relax for a whole day.
As we unable to decide we went back to Kampung Air’s eating place again and had the free flow seafood hotpot there.
This morning went for a walk at Tanjung Aru Beach again to say bye bye. Restaurants there were so nice and I started to imagine having a mini wedding there.
Really if I can I wish to marry a Sabahan or Sarawakian, so that I have excuse to go there frequently or live there! I love East Malaysia and I feel a special connection with that land as there is where I was born and grew up. Sadly, I had to leave for Singapore and back to the real world again.
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