It has been 3 months since I graduated from Massey. I am more comfortable and emotionally stable than I was at the last few months. Even though the situation is still the same, I am coping better now with the uncertainty and loneliness that I am experiencing outside uni. Also, I started to accept the fact that everything is changed, and I need to move on, whether I like it or not. I can choose to go on escaping from the reality, or face it, and make a change. I started dreaming, dream about all the possibilities that I have in life ahead. Started to feel excited about the future, turning uncertainties to possibilities. I am working at a cafe, perfecting my coffee making skills and keep challenging myself to a higher level of professionalism.
Most of the time I stay in my flat, last week I tried to spend some time outside my flat other than working and church time, therefore I went to the city library. Although it was good weather but my day was ruined after got frightened by a stranger followed me for a long distance. So now I just stay at flat, in my room most of the time.
Many thoughts go through my head. The passion in my heart starts burning again, I applied for a few job positions, and can't stop thinking about the possibilities if I get any of the jobs. I would like to do anything that is being put in front of me right now, I just don't want to stay at the same place anymore.
But I still dreaming about going to Europe and South Island again, I like being a tourist. I want to meet more new friends. I want to change my image, buy a few clothes and change a hairstyle, I want to be different. But does that guarantee I will be satisfied? Most likely not. I want something that I don't know about, something that I might had before, or never have before. I know the answer is only found in God, and it is God. Maybe, I will never get satisfied in my whole life until the day I departed from this world and reunite with God again. But at least, I still need friends and families, people who actually love me, care about me, interested in me, and want to spend more time with me. Somehow, even I have friends and families, I still feel lonely, relationship with people is never the same anymore. As a kid I never have this feeling before, I never know it can be so lonely to be an adult. In fact, I never like the idea of being an adult.
Once again I turn to Jesus, my faithful Lord and friend, always there beside me, watching from above, and living within my heart. I will fight, even my faith is little and fragile, I just need to keep holding to His promise.
Most of the time I stay in my flat, last week I tried to spend some time outside my flat other than working and church time, therefore I went to the city library. Although it was good weather but my day was ruined after got frightened by a stranger followed me for a long distance. So now I just stay at flat, in my room most of the time.
Many thoughts go through my head. The passion in my heart starts burning again, I applied for a few job positions, and can't stop thinking about the possibilities if I get any of the jobs. I would like to do anything that is being put in front of me right now, I just don't want to stay at the same place anymore.
But I still dreaming about going to Europe and South Island again, I like being a tourist. I want to meet more new friends. I want to change my image, buy a few clothes and change a hairstyle, I want to be different. But does that guarantee I will be satisfied? Most likely not. I want something that I don't know about, something that I might had before, or never have before. I know the answer is only found in God, and it is God. Maybe, I will never get satisfied in my whole life until the day I departed from this world and reunite with God again. But at least, I still need friends and families, people who actually love me, care about me, interested in me, and want to spend more time with me. Somehow, even I have friends and families, I still feel lonely, relationship with people is never the same anymore. As a kid I never have this feeling before, I never know it can be so lonely to be an adult. In fact, I never like the idea of being an adult.
Once again I turn to Jesus, my faithful Lord and friend, always there beside me, watching from above, and living within my heart. I will fight, even my faith is little and fragile, I just need to keep holding to His promise.
