I tried

I just hope somebody can understand me. I really do want to apply for jobs, but I can’t. My right ear is ringing badly, and am having a persistent headache that never goes away even with Panadol. I sleep and find it hard to wake up in the morning. I tried to do exercise but I don’t have the energy. I couldn’t concentrate or motivate myself to do anything. I am tired and cold all the time. I tried to improve the situation, I do. I prayed so hard that I could be restored again and put full energy into life. In fact, I can’t. I guessed is the high level of stress hormone in my body caused hormone imbalance and bad circulation and even maybe neurodegeneration. I can’t remember most of the things, or just remember fragments, or pieces of memories, not even anything that I learnt from uni. I always left my things somewhere, just left my wallet in Wellington 2 weeks ago. I could not socialise, can’t stand loud music, it makes me headache. Every attempt I had to write a CV I get migraine attack. I don’t have health insurance, I don’t have money. I stayed up late every night because calling home after 12am is cheaper, I tried to call them, but I always gave up in the end. I want to ask for money, to pay off credit card debts and buy insurance so that I can seek medical help, but I can’t ask them, I am too ashamed. I tried, I really tried to build up my life, but I can’t, I really can’t, why don’t you believe me?