I had a stressful night last night, 5 people to finish 9 people’s job it just seems like forever. Dishwasher was taking his time, laid back and refuses to wash the cutleries immediately and referring customers to use plastic ones. There was no one on the till, 4 of us including the supervisor and manager, had to serve food for about 600 students. We did it eventually, and cleaned up the whole place at 9pm (we usually finish at 8pm). I was frustrated, utterly disappointed with the terrible management. The only reasons I stayed are because: 1. I feel sorry for the remaining staffs and the customers. 2. I doubted if other company would be better (since I work at a similar workplace before). 3. Since I work here for so long, at least I get back something!!!
My body was aching, my muscles were sore. I went home and took a shower. I was angry at God and everything. What should I do as a Christian? How should I feel as a Christian? Am I supposed to be meek and constantly used by people? Where is justice? How long do I have to wait? If I do not die accidentally or serious disease, I would still have at least 30 years to live on this earth. 30 years! How am I going to endure for 30 years in this fallen world with this dying flesh?
I went to bed, and could not sleep. I know my some people were trying to avoid me because they know I was going to pour out my complaints. But I didn’t, I chose to be quiet. Please do not ask me if you never intend to listen! How should I deal with my anger and frustration? Aren’t Christians supposed to be nice and gentle? I don’t care about my image! I just need a break! Would my friends listen? Even they do, will they understand? How about my parents? From my past experience, they would just tell me to accept the fact and get over it. How about God? Is he listening? I know my suffering is nothing compared to Jesus’s death on the cross, but everything seemed vague and unreal. Does he care?
Then I listen to the radio, hope the music could calm down my angry soul. I turned to one radio station with old hymns. First song I listened is ‘Be Still for the presence of the Lord, He’s moving in this place’. Okay, then a series of beautiful hymns just came through, show me how beautiful Jesus is. Then is my mum’s favourite song ‘Olives That Have Known No Pressure’, my tears just falling and feel amazing sense of comfort. No big scripture words, no shouting voices, just a gentle music whispering God’s beauty overwhelmed me.
This morning I was determined to go to my lecture, however I sacrificed my devotional time to make my lunch and eat breakfast. I went to the bus stop and wait, but the bus never came. The girl sat beside me kindly asked me if I need a ride to Massey from her. Then I went with her. Because of the road works, the car was stucked in the traffic for half an hour, so I was late. It was shocking to find out I was the second student to attend the class, because everyone else was preparing for their semester test. The lecturer decided to re-scheduled the lecture. Well ya, I was kind of wasting my whole morning.
My body was aching, my muscles were sore. I went home and took a shower. I was angry at God and everything. What should I do as a Christian? How should I feel as a Christian? Am I supposed to be meek and constantly used by people? Where is justice? How long do I have to wait? If I do not die accidentally or serious disease, I would still have at least 30 years to live on this earth. 30 years! How am I going to endure for 30 years in this fallen world with this dying flesh?
I went to bed, and could not sleep. I know my some people were trying to avoid me because they know I was going to pour out my complaints. But I didn’t, I chose to be quiet. Please do not ask me if you never intend to listen! How should I deal with my anger and frustration? Aren’t Christians supposed to be nice and gentle? I don’t care about my image! I just need a break! Would my friends listen? Even they do, will they understand? How about my parents? From my past experience, they would just tell me to accept the fact and get over it. How about God? Is he listening? I know my suffering is nothing compared to Jesus’s death on the cross, but everything seemed vague and unreal. Does he care?
Then I listen to the radio, hope the music could calm down my angry soul. I turned to one radio station with old hymns. First song I listened is ‘Be Still for the presence of the Lord, He’s moving in this place’. Okay, then a series of beautiful hymns just came through, show me how beautiful Jesus is. Then is my mum’s favourite song ‘Olives That Have Known No Pressure’, my tears just falling and feel amazing sense of comfort. No big scripture words, no shouting voices, just a gentle music whispering God’s beauty overwhelmed me.
This morning I was determined to go to my lecture, however I sacrificed my devotional time to make my lunch and eat breakfast. I went to the bus stop and wait, but the bus never came. The girl sat beside me kindly asked me if I need a ride to Massey from her. Then I went with her. Because of the road works, the car was stucked in the traffic for half an hour, so I was late. It was shocking to find out I was the second student to attend the class, because everyone else was preparing for their semester test. The lecturer decided to re-scheduled the lecture. Well ya, I was kind of wasting my whole morning.
2 comments:
Hey mate,
Sounds like you had a hard night, and by the looks of it, not the first time too. I can understand when you said "Am I supposed to be meek and constantly used by people?" I still am struggling with this thought of what I am and what image I portray to others. Is being weak and used how others look at us, or is it just how we look at ourselves. I dunno, but honestly it feels like that so often for me lately and I have felt like turning my back on Christ more than a few times. Not just for this reason mind you. I find that often I tend to start looking for negative things when I am feeling tired, stressed, upset already and it exasperbates the situation. When I step back and look at the situation calmly and without bias it doesn't seem so bad afterall. The problem is I don't always do that, heh.
Stay strong and try to take some time out if you can, to just relax, sleep or whatever.
Scott
thanks scott, I felt much better now after 2 days of relaxing and talking about it to my friends. I realised it was a spiritual warfare, indeed I was more vulnerable to negative thoughts when stressed and tired. God just kept reminding me, "Be still, for I am God", for the problems had clouded my mind, so that I couldn't see God and think rationally. Ya I agree that we need to step back, and look at the situation calmly without bias, only by then we'll able to sort things out. I'm now recovering and hopefully will be restored and get back into the battle again. Thanks a lot for ur encouragement and support, may God bless you.
Anne
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