I really enjoy my time without stress from study. It's time for me to stop and think about life, why God give me life, and what should I do with my life. I thought with my prayers and faith God will immediately provide me a full time job straight after I finished my degree. I thought I don't have to worry about planning about anything, and everything will just happen like that naturally. But His ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I had a job interview in Christchurch but I got rejected. And then I got sick, and don't know what to do about my life. I applied for a part time job in a cafe, and retain my other job as a cleaner in city library. These two jobs are not quite provide enough money for me to support my life, but they are better than nothing. I love arts, I pick up the paintbrush again since I came back from holiday. I am practicing piano as there is a piano in my flat. I realised I still love arts, although I am not very good in any of them, but I just love being arty. I found out all my cafe workmates have passion for arts, including my boss, they all doing some sorts of arty thing like painting and theatre production. I was even invited to put my paintings on the cafe wall and sell them! I was excited, although I don't have really plans or inspiration to paint, but at least that was a huge motivation for me. Also, I learnt how to make real coffee now, my workmate is really nice and she patiently taught me how to make different coffees. I can now make latte, cappucino, flat white, mocha, long black etc. One day I marked up and overpoured the milk in the coffee, I thought the customer would not be very happy about that. However, when she was going to leave, she said thank you to me and praised me for the good coffee that I had made. I did not know how to react except just said thank you and smile to her, but I felt a great joy and satisfaction in my heart that no words can describe at that moment.
Today is my new workmate's birthday. This is the second day I met him and worked with him. We talked a lot after finish work and he shouted me for dinner at a flash Thai restaurant. It was interesting talking to him, he realised I am a committed Christian even from the very beginning of our conversation. He is a buddhist. We talked about religion for a while, he believe in evolution as well as believe in God and Jesus. I told him there is only one truth, if there is only one truth, then the others must be false. But to avoid arguments he talked about something else. Then we talked about our countries, families, politics (as most Chinese people like to discuss), education, work etc. He come from a rich family, his father is a governor in his city. People who work in government sectors in China are not simple, that means they have money and status, and don't have to worry about future. Despite that, he chose to work as a cleaner, not because he needs money as I am, but just because he is bored. He rather spend time on earn money than watch tv or computer. He said he does not want to depend on his family, but by studying property he hope that one day he will be like Donald Trump. It was interesting talking to him, although we have very different worldviews.
People from both part time jobs are very nice, I think God is changing my perception of the world and work through these two jobs, as I had very bad experiences in previous jobs before. Maybe that is why I am afraid of looking for a full time, proper job. I am afraid of being bound, losing my freedom. I am afraid of difficult situations especially moral decisions that have to be made in work. I am afraid of bearing responsibility, and interrupt or add trouble to other people's previous work. I am afraid of failure and criticism. I am even afraid of new work related relationships, afraid being used or betrayed. But I am sure that God is working through these issues with me right now. At the same time giving me a break, He is teaching me some life lessons as well.
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