Friday, February 27, 2009

Struggling... again...

I'm getting so sick of myself, I hate being struggling all the time and stressing out about life but I am. Each time the thought of my dreams came, it stung my heart that I just want to get out of here as soon as possible. Always, things turn out the opposite of what I wished for. If not because I have no choice for my first proper job in my life ,I would not work here for another day. I want to be a 'normal' girl who looks after herself, acne free, ladylike and be nice to everybody. But life simply doesn't allow me to do that. I applied for an executive post ended up becoming a supervisor nannying people. What should I do with them? If only I have the power to employ new staff... Of course I need to re-evaluate myself: have I become a monster? Why the world just don't allow me to be a nice little office lady with weekends off and normal shift timings just as everyone else?

God I am so tired my heart is beating irregularly, my eyes are dry and I tried to read the bible but I just cannot. Is there any other way that I can approach you more easily? I do pray, but you seem so far away. The more I work, the more sinful feel about myself. I just want a simple, carefree life, or more meaningful life... I just want to live for you... I am not meant to be bound and enslaved by my heavy work, I don't live to work, I work to live, no, perhaps work to glorify your name, Lord, but just teach me how to do it. Amen

3 comments:

Janicelees said...

selfish, control freak, lazy? gee your staff are rebellious, have no respect and stressed out.

Scott said...

I hated being in charge of people. It was terrible, impossible to please the management and your workmates. Its the impossible dream. Just do the best you can and get some good work experience behind you and work towards a better job after 2 years work experience. You will be fine, keep doing your best. Thats all you can do. God is closer than you think. Stop trying so hard :)

Anne said...

Hey guys thanks for your encouragements. Really need some support, and of course His grace. He is always around. I had a thought today: when I work within my ability, it is from me; when I work beyond my ability, it is God's grace and glory.