Thursday, July 09, 2009

Stuck

I don't know what is it that bothering me, but the weight of the pain actually turned my face away from God. I'm tired for asking for His grace upon me, I'm too tired to ask. Life's greatest despair is to lose one's hope. One might think that it's only a job, why so upset about it? I don't think it's about work only, why am I bearing the debts of my family, because of that moment of pleasure to study overseas? All my hardwork in earning a degree just to be enslaved for more money? I want freedom, freedom to choose, freedom to go, not to tied up here like a prisoner. There will be no ending of earning money, the gaps will never be filled. How do I run, if my legs are being tied up to a big heavy rock? Above all, I'm disappointed with my family, all they want is to me to earn more and pay off their debts, don't care what I suffer at the moment, even I asked them a few times to go back. For God, if He is there watching me, why is He letting me to face all these alone and not doing anything? For the world, there is no mercy, only self profit and self edifying, and I will not ask for its mercy. Where should I turn to? I have no where to go.

1 comment:

Scott said...

Anne hang in there matey. I guess you are probably looking for another job already? This job sounds like a prison term to me, which isn't helped by your families expectations. I would suggest you have a serious conversation with someone in your family you can share your burdens with openly and honestly. Make them see what your job is doing to you. Be strong, don't give up. Hold fast to God's promises, it's closer than we think.