Fear is overwhelming me,
Have I made the right choice?
What is right? What is wrong?
What is pleasing God? What is not pleasing Him?
How long will I be grilled and restless?
How long can I maintain my faith?
I have faith in God, but have no faith in myself.
I am afraid.
I thought I made a choice, and a right choice
I thought I can rest after that
But no
Still I am restless, without peace
What can be more horrible than human beings?
I am scared
Of other human beings
Scared of their selfishness, politics
Scared that I will be bullied
Above all, I am afraid of regret
Of making the wrong choice
Of wearying myself down
Of bringing extra troubles and miseries in life
I thought I can have a normal job
Go to church on Sundays
Spending time with family on public holidays
And I realised, no
Not with the choice I’ve made
I will sacrifice my weekends and holidays
Sacrifice my church day
Sacrifice time spending with my family
No… why I am being brought to test like this again and again?
Why do I always not know how to make the right choice?
Why is it always me myself to be blamed?
Why am I putting myself in a misery?
I hate of being regret… I don’t want to regret
But this is what always happened to me
Maybe it is not as bad as I thought…
Maybe…
2 comments:
how come? They didnt let you know about that, did they? uhm may be u cud share how u feel abt working on weekends and public holidays??
no I don't know my working hours yet. They didn't mention it in my second interview or when i sign contract even i asked them. they said they'll let me know but not yet. but i think i have to... cos i remembered she mentioned that in my first interview.
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