Why things always turned up this way? Why there is always fault in everything? Why plans never work out? Came to Te Anau, I have a lot of struggles. Trying to look at the positive sides, but it's too hard. I learnt a lot of new things, and earned more money than before. For the first time i can afford a full airticket to go home and even australia on the way. However there's a price to pay. Thought I could spend more time with Scott if I come here, thought I could see him more often. But it turns out the other way round. The first few weeks were sweet, things were fine and he was here helping me to settle down. However everything changes when he starts milking. He starts at 5.30am every morning till about 9am and milk again at 2pm till 6pm. I start at 8am almost everyday, have a wee break in the afternoon, and finish at about 10pm. I only have a day off in a week, and Scott works everyday, that means we can hardly see each other again, or even talk on the phone, even time we could text is limited. Last night I came home early at 9pm, happily thought that we could talk on the phone, but he was at his ex-girlfriend's house watching movie! Imagine how disappointed I was. Tonight I thought we could talk, I tried to finish as soon as I can but it was so busy that I worked ten hours today and only get to finish at about 10:30pm and realised he had gone to sleep 10 minutes ago. I got an emotional breakdown, why could this happen?
Basically I don't have a life, I worked 6 days a week the only day off I couldn't do anything except staying at home catch up with my dishes and washings. I don't have friends outside work, don't have anyone to hang out or watch movie with. Wanted to explore the environment and go for a tramp even a short walk but I don't have that extra energy. I can't go to see Scott because the bus goes there in the morning and comes back in the afternoon. Went to his house last week but he was busy with his assignments and milking. I know my life shouldn't evolve around him, I tried to go near God, I tried spend time with God everyday, I read the bible, I read Christian books, I listen to sermons... But I still feel very lonely, I couldn't help it. Last thing I could do is trying to get to go to church every Sunday morning even I am always being rostered on Sunday mornings... This is the only thing I could not compromise.
The only thing I could look forward is going to Aussie and then home at the end of March. I don't know how long will my relationship with Scott last? It is a tough time and test for us. I don't know... I'm tired.
Basically I don't have a life, I worked 6 days a week the only day off I couldn't do anything except staying at home catch up with my dishes and washings. I don't have friends outside work, don't have anyone to hang out or watch movie with. Wanted to explore the environment and go for a tramp even a short walk but I don't have that extra energy. I can't go to see Scott because the bus goes there in the morning and comes back in the afternoon. Went to his house last week but he was busy with his assignments and milking. I know my life shouldn't evolve around him, I tried to go near God, I tried spend time with God everyday, I read the bible, I read Christian books, I listen to sermons... But I still feel very lonely, I couldn't help it. Last thing I could do is trying to get to go to church every Sunday morning even I am always being rostered on Sunday mornings... This is the only thing I could not compromise.
The only thing I could look forward is going to Aussie and then home at the end of March. I don't know how long will my relationship with Scott last? It is a tough time and test for us. I don't know... I'm tired.
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