Heartbreak

Is there still love in this world? Even there is, it doesn't belong to me. Again, my heart is broken into pieces. I don't know is there anymore hurtful thing than saying "I never loved you" by someone you thought who loved you. My mind is trying to rationalise everything but the wound is still there, laying open and bleeding. I have never felt being so forsaken in my life. I only have God now and I believe that He will never want to break my heart. Why is it so hard to rejoice? It is a command but why can I never do it and let down people around me? I feel like a parasite that sucks everyone's joy and peace and maybe I should disappear forever. Why is it so hard to be a Christian? If God is so powerful why he has to make it so hard? The reality of adult life is more cruel than I can ever thought. I thought there must be someone there comfort me when I am sad, tolerate my bad tempers, always love and accept me no matter what I've done, like my parents do. In fact no one will love me more than my parents do, apart from God. I am tricking myself, fooling myself that there must be someone out there will able to truly love me. I sound like a loser now, I thought when someone says this they sounded stupid for me why would they be sad and now I'm feeling this way, like everyone else. I am no different than an average person, my heart still breaks, my strength still fails.