I need my dose of the Gospel

Everyone’s life has a purpose, according to God, so do I. But there is something that blocks me from achieving that purpose. I found myself in a situation in which I can’t trust anyone except my own parents, I can’t see how my dreams are going to achieve, I don’t want to work even I force myself, I dislike most employers.

Sin is like bacteria growing and creeping and eroding my soul, taking my hopes, dreams, courage, love, peace, confidence, trust… away.

There were incidents in my life that I thought were harmless or minor, in fact they had great impact. It seemed that in my life I’ve always been betrayed. Since I was about 3 years old a girl in kindy refuse to befriend me for no reason, and I was betrayed by my close friends in school for numerous times just because they can. In high school I was backstabbed by my classmate and my friends hated me for false truths. In college my close friend and her friends boycott me behind my back. During my first summer holiday my trust had betrayed by a recruitment agency, which took away the money which I earned with great effort. I was treated unfairly in a few part time jobs which I worked during study at university. I was betrayed in relationships, and then after a long time I thought I met the right one, I was betrayed again.

In all these incidents and relationships I never meant to hurt anyone. I was always sincere and tried to make peace with everyone, even more than that, to love these people around me. But in the end, I was always the one who being taken advantage of, being hated and forsaken for no reasons. Maybe I was not cool enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, and not proud enough to be their friend. Perhaps a good and sincere heart is never enough. A Chinese idiom says, “Kind horse is rode by man, kind person is taken advantage of/being bullied”. That is so true.

Sometimes there is only one way to explain and overcome all these hurts. I could not find any other better solution than Jesus. Not because this is my religion, but I don’t know what to say in view of Jesus. He is always sinless even he is fully human. I thought I wronged no one but I am still sinful. But He is holy, perfect in righteousness; and was betrayed all the time. He was hated by the world; people took advantage of him, mocked him, spat on him, slander him, claimed false truths about him, kill him… even until today people still do it all the time, hate him for no reasons. God is able to use His Mighty Power to wipe out humanity, but still He chose to die for us and want to forgive us, give us a second chance. My worldly mind can never comprehend how deep is His love, how holy He is, and how much my sinful nature and deeds had violated His perfection.

My rebellious nature has been refused, but in my consciousness I have no reason for not repenting for my sinfulness. I confess that there is no other god who could convince me to lovingly obey him. There is no god who is good enough, or holy enough to demand my repentance. Jesus’ love has put me to shock in silence.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. John 3:16-17