Again I got severe headache and could not sleep. I lie down on the bed, listening to music, hopefully to relieve the headache. I think back things that happened in my life. My heart aches as there were so many people who loved me, cared about me, but I had forgotten, and neglected them. I hardly contact any of my best friends from high school back home, not even my former colleagues. Even friends that I first met in NZ who helped me a lot during hard times before, I had forgotten them. Fewer calls were made to my parents, and one day I called my mum, only realised how much she missed me and waited for my call for so long. How did I live my life for the past 2 years? Yes I became a committed Christian, I know more about the bible than before, and I serve in a ministry. But, who really am I? I realised I have not changed much. I am still selfish as, or even worse than before, I am a hypocrite. The bible says look out for one another’s interests, not just for my own. But to what extend, or did I even look out for other people’s needs? Do I even care about them? I questioned my attitude towards God and people, something’s wrong, but I do not know what it is. I am sure God’s love is enough to overfill my heart and make me able to love and serve other people. However, all I feel is dryness, weariness, and emptiness. I trust that God still loves me, his love will never change. But what’s wrong with me? I think of the people back home, think of my friends, I felt stressed and burdensome. I want to share the gospel with them, but more like an obligation, not out of love.
"I may be able to speak the languages of human being and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains – but if I have no love, I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burnt – but if I have no love, this does me no good."(1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
One day when I was studying with a friend about world hunger, she was despairing and told me that love is the only way that works. And I told her confidently that the bible says God is love, the world needs God. (But do I really know either God or love?)
“Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Whoever loves is a child of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.”(1 John 4:7-8)
No wonder I could not grasp God, I could not even recognise Him anymore, because I do not love. At this point, I asked for God’s forgiveness.
“Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
“Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)
“And God showed his love by sending his only Son into the world, so that we might have life through him. This is what love is: it is not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the means by which our sins are forgiven.” (1 John 4:9-10)
Love is the hardest thing to learn and understand. But God is love, to imitate God, we have to imitate His love. I pray that I can love my friends even they are not Christian, and share with them the good news of Jesus, not just to obey God. I love them, because God loves them.
"I may be able to speak the languages of human being and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains – but if I have no love, I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burnt – but if I have no love, this does me no good."(1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
One day when I was studying with a friend about world hunger, she was despairing and told me that love is the only way that works. And I told her confidently that the bible says God is love, the world needs God. (But do I really know either God or love?)
“Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Whoever loves is a child of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.”(1 John 4:7-8)
No wonder I could not grasp God, I could not even recognise Him anymore, because I do not love. At this point, I asked for God’s forgiveness.
“Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
“Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)
“And God showed his love by sending his only Son into the world, so that we might have life through him. This is what love is: it is not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the means by which our sins are forgiven.” (1 John 4:9-10)
Love is the hardest thing to learn and understand. But God is love, to imitate God, we have to imitate His love. I pray that I can love my friends even they are not Christian, and share with them the good news of Jesus, not just to obey God. I love them, because God loves them.
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