Abba Father, what a privillege to be known as your sons and daughters!

Lilis and I shared something quite sweet last night I thought is a great encouragement for both of us so I think I just share it on my blog.

We reminded each other that God is our Father, He is watching us, and smiling, He delights in us, He sees us grow, and sees us stumble when we learn to walk, He loves us, no longer angry with us, because of Christ. Because of Christ - what a sweet phase…

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline

and do not resent his rebuke,

because the LORD disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in.” – Proverbs 3:11~12

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

because the Lord disciplines those he loves,

and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

– Hebrews 12:5~6

“It is kind of beautiful when Hebrews 12:4 and Proverbs 3, OT and NT agree with each other.

I just learnt again about father and son. He disciplines those are his sons for our good so we may share his holiness. and I’m glad the scripture is so honest about discipline, it said it will seem painful rather than pleasant to be revoked. but it YIELDS the peaceful fruit of righteousness. we will later have peace after the purification.

If we dont get discipline, we are illegitimate children. So it says that u and me are true child of God. and He said to look at Jesus example, Jesus looked forward to the joy that was set before him (the reward) to endure the cross. Looking on the reward is so biblical.” – Lilis

Other than that, because we have this intimate relationship with God the Father, we can cry out to Him in our troubles, we can ask Him questions, but in a humble way, like David, like Job. Because they have been walking closely with God, He is no longer a stranger for them, but someone they can cry out or pour out too. To cry out or to question can be a form of worship too, when we acknowledge God's sovereignty and putting Him in the right position in our lives.

Lastly, we reminded each other of the hope we have in the future which is described in 1 Corinthians 15: about the gospel, the resurrection of Christ, and how we are going change, and death no longer has victory over us… Therefore, we must stand firm, and let nothing move us. Always give ourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because we know that our labour in the Lord is not in vain.

God is watching... and smiling! =)

I wish I can record everything that God has done faithfully in my life. Someone told me that, there is not an experience in life that is going to be wasted; all can be used by God to teach, encourage, and build me up for His further purpose in my life. Mum said that my unemployment is like a holiday, with the visits and companies of many friends, I am enjoying myself in the midst of uncertainties. I found something to boast of: Christ who lives in me has never leaved me nor forsake me, his power and grace is present, he is alive and real.

Throughout the second half of last year until now I have been facing immense challenges. I have learnt, and grown, in wisdom of life and the love of Christ. Biggest lesson God trying to teach me is, live simple, live for Christ alone. Am I able to let go of the love and desires for the world, am I able to show Christ’s glory at the cost of my ambitions and worldly desires?

He has put me into a difficult situation. He knows I love travelling, and see the world, and somehow being glamorous, being envied by others. What is a better job than being a flight stewardess? Everything seems so perfect, the pay, the travel, the glamour, the cool aviation crew friends, and the chance to get to know people from all around the world… but there are certain things I need to ‘sacrifice’ if I take on this job. I will spend less time with the church and friends, I might being tied up and could not attend a good preaching, I might feel tired travelling and compromise my time spending with God, especially flying long hours in the plane, will I do my quiet time and bible study while I fly? Besides, I might face a lot of temptations and making compromises.

I do not know if I have made the right choice, choosing to work on the ground, working 5 days a week in a hospital, sounds boring huh… I don’t know… somehow I think this is better for me to grow, learn and serve God. I know the student ministry needs staffworker, I know the children ministry in church needs tuition teachers… I know in the hospital the patients need to hear the gospel… maybe the reality is not as fancy as I would imagine or describe, but somehow I know this is a better opportunity to serve and witness God. (Well, actually I made the decision because I cannot really wait and take risk anymore; the hospital needs an answer so I just say yes).

Ya so I made the decision and still trying to persuade myself that I made the right choice… I know this is a stressful job and I will face a lot of challenges in every way, but that makes me rely on God more than relying on myself. And I need to explain this to the airline, the friends who helped me to get into the aviation industry, and the cabin crew friends whom I just knew… Don’t know what is going to happen next so just commit everything in God’s hands.

Christ vs. Moralism

This article compares the true gospel with moralism, perfectionism, and legalism which are quite common in most churches today. Just wanna share this link with you all.

Christ vs. Moralism by John W. Hendryx

Restless Anne

I am grilled more and more day after day, I hope I would not get burnt. 2, 3, or even 4 jobs on hold and cannot do anything but wait, this is worse than anything. So what? Why wait? Why doesn’t God just give me a reply straight away? The longer I wait, the more likely I am going to lose all the possibilities and offend those who offered me jobs.

The biggest lesson God has taught me this year is WAITING, wait in patience, wait in hope, and wait for deliverance. If the situation is within my control, I wished I can just do something about it and get it done or get over it. But waiting is humbling me and reminding me that I am not in control, but God is. It takes a lot of faith and courage to believe that God is in control, He is wise and He loves me.

Yet, I am not going to have another good night sleep if the situation is not being solved. I am stuck, literally stuck that there is nothing I can do about the situation. I do not know how long it is going to take before they let me know whether I am taken or not, I do not know how long it will be before another position offered is being taken by another person. There is a big chance either I am getting both job offers, or losing both.

Again, it humbles me. God is God, and I am not. As a servant who submitted my will to my Lord, I can only wait in patience and obey whatever is coming. Perhaps, it is my duty to worship and rejoice even in the midst of restlessness and anxiety. I believe this is a God-given challenge for me to learn and overcome.

Who am I to question God?

I read this same passage/verse twice a day from different books, and it amazed me how Job had reacted to adversities which had happened in his life. After Satan afflicted Job by killing his family and properties, Job did not complain or doubt God's goodness, instead he fell to the ground and worship, and said,

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

The bible also says, in everything which had happened to Job, he did not sin by charge God with wrongdoing.

So how should I response to this passage? Or what should I learn from Job? Indeed, everything that I have in life is given to me by God's grace, they are all belong to the Lord's, and He has the right to give, and the right to take away. He has the right to bless, and He has the right to bring disaster or afflictions. Nevertheless, he deserved to be praised, worshiped and glorified, for He is the God who created all things, He is perfect and Holy, He is sovereign and supreme, He sent His son Jesus to show us His invisible being. Even only for the fact that He is my God, my Lord, my master, he deserves my worship to the full without questioning.

"Lord, I praise you for who you are, you are holy and without blemish. You have great wisdom, and your thoughts are beyond my thoughts, and your ways are higher than my ways. Who am I to question you? Who am I to complain or doubt your sovereignty? I am just a sinner, a sinner who does not have the right to defend anything because I have sinned against you. I can only plead for your mercy and grace. Have mercy on this helpless little child, who is helpless against the evil realm, against the temptations of the world, against the deceptions and lies of princes of the world. Nevertheless, you are in control above all, I put my hope in the promise of eternal life in the Kingdom which is to come. I have the reason to rejoice in the midst of sufferings and struggles, and everything seems so insignificant in compared to the hope of seeing you face to face, not through visualisation of the description of you in the bible, not through other people's words, but I will see you, with my own eyes, and declare you are God, and I will give all the glory to you, until forever and ever. From that day onwards, there is nothing could stop me from knowing you, and rejoicing in you, nothing could stop me from praising and worshiping you. I will wait for that day, in patience and perseverance, I will be a good witness, to draw more people to you. You are my greatest desire, Lord, nothing else can compare to your greatness, not money, not relationships, not glamour, not fame, not wisdom, not knowledge, not family, not anything in this world can compare to your surpassing greatness and glory. May all worship and glory be unto your holy name. Amen"

Thank God the world needs me!

After the dark period of life suddenly I feel there are so many changes and my life is at the turning point. Rejections after rejections of many job applications and relationship were very discouraging. However acceptance after acceptance of possibilities can be exciting but stressful as well. My job application and interview has never actually failed in my job search in Singapore. Firstly I got a conditioned job offer by a nutrition consultant company but due to complications with employment pass application until now I am still waiting for the response from the Ministry of Manpower after 2 months. Due to my losing hope of getting my EP and seeking for another path I went for walk-in-interview for cabin crew position at a local airline. I was happy and grateful for God as I passed all 4 rounds for interviews and being selected as potential air crew out of hundreds of interviewees. I went to the pre-employment briefing but still need approval from my medical check up report and EP application. I was a bit shaken when I was called in yesterday for taking another X-ray to confirm my mild scoliosis (curve at the backbone). Then I was not sure if I should put too much hope in getting the job as most of the girls are getting ready for their training on 7^th August.

Oh before that I met up with a staff worker of FES (Fellowship of Evangelical Students) here and heard about their need of a staff worker for the uni side. Then I was considering about that position and prayed about it. However since I got 'accepted' by the airline I did not follow up until further update.

In addition, to make things more complicated, I received an email today for a 2^nd interview with a hospital for Food and Beverage Executive position. The 1^st interview was at the beginning of last month and I thought there’s no hope so I almost forget about this job application. But I am going for another interview tomorrow morning! Hey what is going on? How am I going to solve the problem of lodging 3 EP applications at the same time? How do I make the final decision according to the Lord’s mighty will? This is funny but stressful hahaha…. Guess I can just pray and make a way through in choosing the best path… May God give me wisdom and get through this situation as soon as possible… In Jesus Precious Name I pray, Amen.

Church day

I had a special Sunday last week. Got to know an ex-OCFer and current staffworker of FES Singapore through Philip, and I followed her to Holy Trinity Anglican church. It was a good experience, learnt about apostle Paul’s focus, priority, devotion, and attitude according to Philippians, and got to know some very friendly church members and local CFers.

In the late afternoon, I went to another church introduced by Lilis, was surprised initially because I realised the service will be conducted in Indonesian language. I’d never attend an Indonesian church or service in my life, therefore I was a bit nervous. Nevertheless, I was surprised by the number of people attended the service, and the ‘presence’, I mean the worship was very powerful when all the congregation sang and give glory to God together. Although everything conducted in a rather traditional way other than the rock or modern style, I feel that is something I familiar with and can identify with the church which I used to go to when I was a child, and perhaps close to my idea of how a church suppose to be. I was even more excited when the choir sung a traditional hymn orchestra by Felix Mendelssohn, was amazed by the glory and awe which no words can describe, it actually enabled me to have a glimpse of God’s glory.

When the speaker Rev. Ps. Stephen Tong went up the stage to start to share and preach, he looks somehow familiar, I felt like I seen him somewhere before, but I could not remember. Though I was a bit struggling at understanding Indonesian language, I was impressed at myself that I actually could understand 60-70% of the whole service since I received Malay education since young. Pastor was sharing about the story Joseph’s brothers when they arrived Egypt to buy grains, and Joseph put the silver cup inside Benjamin’s grain sack when they about to leave. He relate the passage to other Christians who being treated unjustly, like Wang Ming Dao, my tears start falling when he shared about the story of Wang Ming Dao, of how he defended the gospel and being persecuted by the Chinese Communist. He talked about Christians will be persecuted and face suffering, and where our treasure is, there our heart is. Well sorry I am neither a good summariser nor reporter nor I noted down anything during the sermon. But my point is I enjoyed the service and shedding a little light of truth and who God is more touching and powerful to me than telling any me other good doctrines.

Today I found out I attend this preacher’s evangelical talks when I was young, and he can actually speak Mandarin and is a well-known preacher among Asia. He has a great impact on the Christian world in Asia and even Europe and America. It was my privilege to be able to shake hand with him after the service even I did not really know who he was.

Don’t misunderstand I am not trying to promote or idolise this well-known preacher, nor I think he is perfect. He is a man used by God to reach out to many people, but I do respect his zeal and knowledge and willingness to serve God with his whole life. I respect people who take God’s Word seriously and live and die for the sake of the gospel. I pray that other churches will follow and be radical, no more just following traditions or set of marketing principles but question everything and find the answers from careful investigation of the Bible.

Job wanted

From au pair to nutritionist, from admin assistant to management trainee, from bartender to tour guide, any exciting job opportunity can be introduced to me. I want to connect and contribute to the world. I am not perfect but not a bad person. Please drop a comment if you have a job to offer and want to know more about me.

Volunteer projects or translation (Chinese to English and vice versa) projects can be considered as well.

I can talk, listen, act, walk, run, read, write, draw, type, think, sing, dance, cook, serve, carry, pray....

I can be a great friend and loyal worker.

Just give me a job! sigh.

Maybe this explained why I do not have a job yet.

Please pray

Brothers and Sisters in Christ:

I need your prayers, please pray for me, as I need:

- a vision, a calling from God about what to do in near future, and what and how am I suppose to achieve it.

- a good church which I could settle, serve, fellowship, and build my support network.

- Mental and emotional strength and clarity in discerning the small voices of God and also my real passion and purpose in life.

- Being able to persist and persevere in pursuing the goal/vision.

- Sustaining provision of financial, food and daily needs.

Thank you for your precious time and may God bless you with His unfailing love.

Yours faithfully,

Anne Lim

Melaka trip

Nigel drove Cedric and I to Melaka for a short trip on my way back to KL. We had lots and lots of food… As Cedric keep saying ‘Solid ah!’, ‘Syok oh!’, and you’ll know how good the food is, haha. After almost one hour search of the exact location of the hotel, we checked in and start our quest for good food in Melaka. We came up with a theme: Seafood, and started driving along the coast to see if there is any seafood restaurant. It was very hard to decide but we ended up in a Peranakan restaurant at the seaside. We ordered steamed white pomphret, chilli crab, spicy lala, and salted fish wtih beansprouts. It was a very nice meal with nice atmosphere (although was a bit cold and too breezy for me), yea I definitely recommend it and will go back again.

After dinner we went for a walk at Jonker Walk, had our dessert there – famous cendol with gula Melaka (palm sugar). Had a look at Cheng Hoon Theng, a famous old temple, and bought some pineapple tarts for supper. We went back to the hotel, had some pineapple tarts and learnt about wine tasting and appreciation from Cedric the wine guru. Then we watched the exciting Euro Cup Final soccer match at about 3am and I was uplifted by the victory of my favourite team – Spain.

Second day, we got up and had breakfast in the hotel, then swam in the swimming pool. After swimming of course we got hungry again! After buying my bus ticket to KL we had famous Melaka chicken rice balls for lunch and another cendol for dessert! We visited the maritime museum, and the 500 years old fort A Famosa, due to the heat and our laziness we decided not to go uphill to see the ruins of St Paul’s church. Guess what, we had more food again, for afternoon tea in the fully-air conditioned mega shopping complex, we had XXXL crispy chicken leg and oyster noodles from Taiwan.

Overall it was a nice and relaxing trip, thanks for Cedric and Nigel for their wonderful company and friendship, I will pray that our cholesterol level will remain healthy and possibly have another adventure sometime in the future.

Tried to upload some photos but maybe the photo size is too big so I cannot upload them.

May my life be part of God's purpose

The reason I had that passion is not only God is so great, but it grieves my heart when I see people ignorant of God. If only they know who God is, if they know how great His Holiness and Glory is, if only they experience ‘the joy of the Lord is our strength’, if they know everything in this world worth much less and will bring much less joy for them compared to what God has to offer.

They are blinded, they do not take God’s Word seriously, it is a love letter from God, it is God’s Word that is written for our sake, I cannot see why we do not handle it carefully and handle it under submission to God. People focus on the miracles and gifts that God would bring for them, they focus on how much money is God able to generate for their church, they focus on how God will make them a better person, they focus on how they will glorify God in a worldly way so they can attract more churchgoers. They talk about salvation, and God’s love, they talk about how we suppose to do in response to Christ’s crucifixion. But they could not understand that Cross is not only for us, but His work on the Cross has revealed God’s Glory and Power.

I want to learn and know how to teach the Bible as it is. I want to show people His Glory through reading His Word, I want to be like Philip, being an instrument of God explaining the Scripture to the Ethiopian Eunuch and sharing the good news.

I know the spiritual battle is real, and satan is doing everything to stop me from being functional for God’s Kingdom. But I will fight, not because without me God cannot do anything, His plans will still prosper, but if I don’t fight for God, my life will be in vain and meaningless. Let me make use of the precious gift of life which is given by Him, and may my life counts.

My Life Plan

As Lilis has requested, I think I should update a little bit what’s going on in my life recently. I am back in KL again, feeling good after meeting my former workmate in Te Anau, New Zealand. It is my first time to be a host for people who comes from another country. We visited to Central Market and Masjid Jamek, took a train to KLCC, had char kuey teow and asam laksa at Madam Kuan’s, then we walked from there to Bukit Bintang, had some ais kacang and mango shake, and walked back to Chinatown. Well I forgot I am in KL and my parents were worrying about me for not picking their phone calls, got yelled by mum for hanging out for so late, suddenly I felt I lost my freedom, but then I understand that was because they cared about me.

A job, well, not yet. I am still looking for one, hopefully can settle down after a long long break after graduation. My real and ultimate passion is to proclaim and witness Christ in what I do in my life. The Glory of God is so awesome that I would not compromise anything to pursue it, that’s my passion. Yet I am very weak and frail, and faith without works is dead, not going to church and not fellowshipping with other believers mean my faith is worthless. I will, find a church to commit after I decided where am I going to work and stay, I will. I want to learn more about God in the Bible, and church history, and I want to learn another language, Spanish, so preparing myself to other countries in the future.

My other passion is travelling, and experiencing another culture. My dream is one day I can travel with a purpose, to reach to the unreached. I want to learn how to tell them and engage them about Christ, and how great He is, and how privileged is for us to worship this God in spirit and in truth. In order to achieve that dream, firstly I need to settle down, build my own supporting network from a good church fellowship and from ex-OCFers from New Zealand. Then I need to start work, to gain work experience and save money. After that when opportunity comes, I will go and start my whole new adventure again.

May I worship the Lord by offering myself as a living sacrifice for Him. May my life magnifies His Glory and proclaims His name whenever I go and whatever I do. Amen.

Goodbye

It is over, finally

Everything is over

Nothing to hold on

Nothing to miss

It has gone

No longer controlled by you

No longer suffer quietly in that secret corner

No more tears for you

No more waste of time

You never deserve it

Let go, recharge, and move on.

Switch my focus

I swear I will live better without you

One day you will understand everything

Maybe

But it will be too late

The damage has been done

The deep scar you gave me

There is nothing could repair

Thank you tho

For let me learn how much love would cost

I will ever more cherish the love of the Cross

Glad that I tried my best

I gave my all

However

That is it, no more

Once again I will look upon the Cross

Only He deserves my all.

Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me

Text: Augustus M. Toplady, 1740-1778
Music: Thomas Hastings, 1784-1872

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee;
let the water and the blood,
from thy wounded side which flowed,
be of sin the double cure;
save from wrath and make me pure.

Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's commands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
thou must save, and thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee. 

Introduced by Scott Mackay at TSCF conference last year, I fell in love with this song at the first time I hear it. May this song be the words from my heart.

Memory

by Andrew Lloyd Webber

Midnight, not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is shining alone.
In the lamplight the whithered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan.
Daylight, see the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses wither away
Like the sunflower I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day
Now Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different jellicle life
Memory, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Sunlight, through the trees in the summer
Endless masquerading
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
The memory is fading
Touch me, it's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun

Lord I miss you

Yesterday I did something which I deeply regret now even how I tried to persuade myself it’s ok. I dyed my hair. Convinced by my mother I should lighten my hair colour so I won’t look too serious. However due to lack of hair dye choosing experience I chose a very light colour that doesn’t suit me at all. And I realised something, not only I lost my original healthy black colour which the Lord gave me, I lost myself too.

No matter how long I lived here, I always feel lost. Home is unlike home. Concrete jungle and a cage-like apartment is never my cup of tea. I have to admit that I miss New Zealand. I miss the mountains, lakes, rivers and the sea. They don’t seemed as dynamic as the hustle bustle in the big city, but they have more life compared to everything here, they are the creation of God, which created for humans.

My soul feels empty, one day emptier than another. Trying hard to catch up with the fashion and make up stuff and fill up the expectation of my mother after she criticised my outward appearance. I tried to be “beautiful” according to the standards of city people, it is almost ‘compulsory’ to read fashion magazines and buy the “right” cosmetic kits for myself. Still, the more I indulge in it, the more I feel empty, and destroy the original beauty: imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:4).

Lord, living in a city bombarded by the temptations to buy, and doing nothing for building up your Kingdom, is much worse than living in poverty and persecuted by bearing your name. I wished I can serve You, but why is it so hard? I do not ask for fame, wealth, career or even marriage, I just want to serve You. But I don’t even have the channel to do it. I failed to see your Glory, and failed to show it to others. I live as indifference with the world even my heart does not want to. Show me a way out, show me a way Lord, I can do whatever You will, just to bring meaning to my life.

Division

My mother and my brother are those who hear the word of God and do it.

“Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.

No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.

I said I don't care

When this life is is going to be over? Glad that I don’t have much attachment in life my life on earth, so I am ready to return to Jesus anytime He appointed. Life is exhausting, I have no more energy. What remaining is hatred and dissatisfaction. I am ashamed to be called as a Christian, I have sinned greatly against whom I declared to believe. I have come to a point that am too shameful to ask for forgiveness. Just like many other Christians, I am a hypocrite. I have seen no genuine love, nor be able to show genuine love to other people. I am helpless against everything, unable to listen from God, unable to teach the Bible. What is any use for me as a Christian? How long should I be waiting? There is no hope. It is IMPOSSIBLE to be pure and blameless in this corrupted world, lest I have the capacity to endure. Truth is no where to be taught, love is no where to be seen, or I have hardened my heart so I could not hear the truth, and could not accept the love from God? Why do I have a brother like that? Why do I live in a society like this? Why am I not a princess?

Who cares? I am sick of all this, I don’t care.

Wait, I'm getting there.

How many times will I be rejected until I get the right one? When I look back what was happening in my past year since graduation, I think I’m surviving pretty well, thank God I never attempted to kill myself. I try not to see things in that way, rather praise God in the midst of the crisis in my life. I was graduated without a direction, was facing financial problems while I was in NZ. I was forced to work as a cleaner to support my living, I was refused by companies which I applied jobs for. My church and fellowship undergo dynamic changes, and to escape from everything, I moved to Te Anau. I was very tired and stressful working there, to make it worse my boyfriend dumped me when I need him the most. Then I made some minor plans before I head home, hopefully can rest temporarily in my own sanctuary. Then I was facing reverse culture shock, I could not find a job, I could not cope with anything, I don’t want to go to church, I never hang out with my friends, and I withdrew myself from the world…

But thank God it wasn’t too bad at all. I feel much better now and start getting comfortable staying at home. The worst thing I need to do is getting to a job interview. The only thing that disturbing me is, is this what God intends me to do? Is this a process of refining my character, or a result of a series of bad decisions made?

I can’t stop questioning: why ‘everyone else’ is enjoying their life? Why ‘everyone else’ has a much smoother road to walk on than I do? Why ‘everyone else’ seems normal and I feel left out from the society, or the world? I am very sure that my IQ is not too much lower than an average working human, and my EQ is not too terrible than some awfully rich people or politicians.

God knows how much I can endure, he knows that I can handle all this and still firm in faith. It is rather encouraging to hear stories like Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Addison or William Carey about how success cannot be achieved easily. It would be a definite huge success and testimony if I manage to overcome this crisis; I’m looking forward to that day. And I know I will have the opportunities to use this experience to encourage others to trust in God. As long as I stand on and not give into negative aspects. I’m rather peaceful that I don’t expect God to give me ‘the best life’ after being faithful to Him. I don’t expect the successes and glories that I will gain if I believe God loves me. I believe God is good, He is powerful, and He loves me. full stop.

It doesn’t matter right? One day I will see the purpose of all this, one day I will see Him face to face and I will know everything spontaneously. I don’t need the approval or appreciation from another human being, because it is more than enough that the highest God knows me and loves me from the inside out. To be honest, I don't expect anything from this world, though I know there are beautiful places where I always want to visit, I know that the heaven will be much better. The only aim of my life at the moment is: being used by God to extend His Kingdom, that His glory will be magnified in whatever I do. I don't want to waste my life for any lesser purpose than this.

I cried

I'm deeply moved by the news on tv about earthquake in China. I wish I can do something but I can't really help these people. Lord I pray for your comfort and hope for the victims' families, I pray for the energy and efficiency of the rescuers so that they can save as many people as possible. I pray for your soothing and healing on their emotions. Pray that you will reveal yourself through adversities to these people. I pray for Myanmar will open it's door to receive foreign aids and stop letting so many people died unnecessarily in hunger and disease. I pray that this would be a reminder for all the Christians to question their faith and take You seriously. I pray that Christians will be united and step out to offer help and prayers for these people. I pray that Christians will show love and compassion for these people because of Jesus Christ.

More natural disasters, more people killed without hearing the gospel

One thing I love being stay at home is, I feel much closer to the real world. The real world where all suffering, wickedness, injustice happened, and there is a urgent need of the gospel for so many people.

In case you do not know what nature disaster is happening in the world, there are

China: 7.9 magnitude earthquake in Szechuan that kills nearly 10,000.

Myanmar: cyclone Nargis disaster that kills between 50,000 to 10,000, left 200,0000 homeless people.

America: Tornado in north-eastern Oklahoma

It used to be my response to question why all these are happening. But now I have a different response: I believe that God is in control in all these events, I do not know why or what is the purpose, I think I am too arrogant if I demand God’s explanation. My response is: what should be my response in view of God to worldly disasters?

There is a song that came into my head this morning, it is a Chinese hymn which lyrics taken from 1 Peter 4:7-8:

The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

I also read a passage from Ecclesiastes 11 this morning. Ecclesiastes 11:5-6

As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.

In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.

Luke 21:34

“But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap. For it will come upon all who dwell on the face of the whole earth. But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man.”

All of us will suffer, some choose not to suffer at the moment, for they think they could escape, others have no choice but suffer. The Bible says all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted (2 Timothy 3:12). God gave us believers a beautiful promise in the midst of persecution: you will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you they will put to death. You will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your lives (Luke 21:16-19).

My point is, you will suffer no matter what, even you cannot see where or when it is coming from. Know who you believe, stay awake, do not be deceived. Keep praying, be self-controlled and sober minded, love one another earnestly. Sow your seeds in the Kingdom of God, invest in the Kingdom of God, share the gospel, live a godly life, but remember it will cost your suffering and persecution. Enter through the narrow gate, and walk the narrow path, till that day you are proven faithful to God.

Don't forget to pray for disasters victims, pray for people's repentance, and pray for Christian brothers and sisters among them. Pray for God's mercy upon them, pray that food and aid will reach them as soon as possible.

Strong Youth Message

Lord, send your revival

I will not look back

I will not turn back to my sins

I will follow you, my loving Father

I was a lost sheep, and you found me

You chased me like a heavenly hound

I have no where to escape

Revive my soul O Lord

Revive my soul

Transform me into a new creation

Remember my sins no more

From now on I am yours

Forever I am yours

Fill me with the inexpressible joy

Though I shall suffer for your Name

Though this is a miserable world

I shall rejoice for the hope that is in you

The hope for justice

The hope for salvation

The hope for eternity

The hope to see you face-to-face

The hope of the satisfaction of soul

This hope will sustain me till the end of days

O Lord please humble me

O Lord, you are most worthy of all,

Worthy of our praises

Worthy of our worship

Worthy of our honour

Worthy of our obedience

Worthy of our service

Worthy of our love

All because you died for justice and love for us

Through the cross you bear our sins

You were forsaken by the Father

Smitten, afflicted, assaulted

Through the pain, the suffering, the torture

You expressed your mighty grace, unfailing love

O Lord there is none can compare

You humbled me to nothing,

I kneel before you,

Repenting for the depth of my sinfulness

I am desperate for your forgiveness

You have justified me, and please sanctify me.

Discipline me your child, teach me the right way

Lead me to the path of righteousness

I am ever hunger for your beauty, wonder

The glorious light that shines out by your holiness

Is the most beautiful light above all

You are the Supreme God, Highest of all

You alone are worthy of my worship and love

I need my dose of the Scripture

For he grew up before him like a young plant,

and like a root out of dry ground;

he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,

and no beauty that we should desire him.

He was despised and rejected by men;

a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;

and as one from whom men hide their faces

he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he has borne our grieves and carried our sorrows;

yet we esteemed him stricken,

smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions;

He was crushed for our iniquities;

Upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

And with his stripes we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray;

We have turned every one to his own way;

And the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,

yet he opened not his mouth;

like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,

and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,

so he opened not his mouth,

By oppression and judgment he was taken away;

and as for his generation,

who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living,

stricken for the transgression of my people?

And they made his grave with the wicked

and with a rich man in his death,

although he had done no violence,

and there was no deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him;

he has put him to grief;

when his soul makes an offering for sin,

he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;

the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.

Isaiah 53:2~10

I need my dose of the Gospel

Everyone’s life has a purpose, according to God, so do I. But there is something that blocks me from achieving that purpose. I found myself in a situation in which I can’t trust anyone except my own parents, I can’t see how my dreams are going to achieve, I don’t want to work even I force myself, I dislike most employers.

Sin is like bacteria growing and creeping and eroding my soul, taking my hopes, dreams, courage, love, peace, confidence, trust… away.

There were incidents in my life that I thought were harmless or minor, in fact they had great impact. It seemed that in my life I’ve always been betrayed. Since I was about 3 years old a girl in kindy refuse to befriend me for no reason, and I was betrayed by my close friends in school for numerous times just because they can. In high school I was backstabbed by my classmate and my friends hated me for false truths. In college my close friend and her friends boycott me behind my back. During my first summer holiday my trust had betrayed by a recruitment agency, which took away the money which I earned with great effort. I was treated unfairly in a few part time jobs which I worked during study at university. I was betrayed in relationships, and then after a long time I thought I met the right one, I was betrayed again.

In all these incidents and relationships I never meant to hurt anyone. I was always sincere and tried to make peace with everyone, even more than that, to love these people around me. But in the end, I was always the one who being taken advantage of, being hated and forsaken for no reasons. Maybe I was not cool enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, and not proud enough to be their friend. Perhaps a good and sincere heart is never enough. A Chinese idiom says, “Kind horse is rode by man, kind person is taken advantage of/being bullied”. That is so true.

Sometimes there is only one way to explain and overcome all these hurts. I could not find any other better solution than Jesus. Not because this is my religion, but I don’t know what to say in view of Jesus. He is always sinless even he is fully human. I thought I wronged no one but I am still sinful. But He is holy, perfect in righteousness; and was betrayed all the time. He was hated by the world; people took advantage of him, mocked him, spat on him, slander him, claimed false truths about him, kill him… even until today people still do it all the time, hate him for no reasons. God is able to use His Mighty Power to wipe out humanity, but still He chose to die for us and want to forgive us, give us a second chance. My worldly mind can never comprehend how deep is His love, how holy He is, and how much my sinful nature and deeds had violated His perfection.

My rebellious nature has been refused, but in my consciousness I have no reason for not repenting for my sinfulness. I confess that there is no other god who could convince me to lovingly obey him. There is no god who is good enough, or holy enough to demand my repentance. Jesus’ love has put me to shock in silence.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. John 3:16-17

I want to relax!

What is a Christian way to relieve stress? I have been under huge stress since way before I graduate from university. Facing heaps of assignments and examinations, work and financial pressure, church and fellowship responsibilities, job hunting, relationship problems and future planning, I was burnt out. It became a lot worse after I graduate from university…

I tried so hard to cope with the problem, I did a lot of things to improve the situation. Although I can’t underestimate the problem, there’s no use to exaggerate the problem either. I went to see the doctor once when I was so sick during final exams, he suggested I have chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), all I can do is do more recreational activity and stop working.

I tried to analyse my problem, read the bible, remember God’s promises, and trying to submit all to Him. But the problem never goes away, it just keep accumulating including causing problems in my last relationship and in the end break up. I talked to myself, tried to talk to God at the same time. I told myself this isn’t the end of the world, I need to be happy and forget all unhappy things.

However, the reality is always the same, I need to get a job, still I need to survive and feed myself. Due to long term withdrawal from the crowd, I am losing my support network, i.e. my friends or brothers and sisters in Christ. I lost my work related references. All I feel like is continue withdraw from everyone whom I know, and start my life somewhere else again. Deep in my heart I know I should not be doing that, I should not runaway, or escape, I should face my problems, and deal with them.

Secular ways of stress relieving techniques including deep breathing, visualisation, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, yoga etc. What does the bible says about those techniques? Does not believe the bible itself sufficient to relieve my stress? If it is sufficient, which passage should I read? What should I do?

“Lord, forgive my sin of unbelief. I doubted your power and sufficiency. I doubted if you care enough to heal my brokenness and pain. I want to praise and worship you with my life, my words and my actions. I want to live peacefully and joyfully, shining as your child. But Lord, with my own strength, I am unable, for I am weak and powerless, to change myself and the circumstances. Change my heart O Lord, change my attitude, fixed my attention on yourself, gazing upon your beauty. Let your holiness heal my brokenness, let your love transform me, let your sovereignty strengthen my soul, let your character shape my integrity, let Jesus be my hope and salvation, empower me by your Holy Spirit. Get me ready to do your will, I know ultimate hopes and dreams and happiness can be found in you. Amen.”

Before I know how to be a disciple, I need to learn how to be a human. Before I know how to evangelize, I need to learn how to communicate. Before I know how to make a stand, I need to learn the culture.

Lord, I am ready

Stuck in this concrete jungle, I am forgetting that the world once, or in other places, is beautiful, and full of hope. I refused to pursue a comfortable wonderful life for myself, for I would not have a good conscience. If I truly love other people, if I truly love God, how I could pretend there is no one who is suffering, pretend that everyone is able to help themselves, pretend everyone already know the Truth? I can’t say that I can help much, I can’t say that I am able to influence the society, tragically I can’t even influence my own family, even struggling in myself!

Seeing everyone eating healthily, physically active, protect the environment, living sustainable, loving themselves and one another, respect one another, giving way to one another, ultimately loving God, is my dream. This distorted community, society, city, country, world is far from my ideal. It is disturbing, corrupting, and disgusting. Would it help if I move to another place, so I would hide myself from all the troubles in the world? Or saying that, ‘I can’t do anything anyway, so better avoid everything while I can: runaway.’ What does God says? He is saying that we are sinful, we are helpless to ourselves, we couldn’t save ourselves, we just keep sinning and digging graves for our own, not just that, walking a path that leads to destruction, a total mess! In a world without God there is no such thing as love, joy, peace, beauty, because the further away we are from God, the more unfamiliar we are with those concepts, because He is the only source, only He is Holy.

I believe God is able, and He is working. I want to participate in the work in which He is doing, I don’t know what will it be like, I don’t know what exactly He is doing, I don’t know how many people are involved. But I know, if I want to fulfil my dream, He is the only way, truth, and life, and apart from following Him there is no other way.

Lord, I am here, ready to be used by you. I am an untrained athlete, a new soldier, weak and helpless. But I have a heart to serve You, even though I don’t know how. I want to involve in a fellowship that loves you, seeks to glorify you, humbling themselves to learn your truth, and putting you as the centre, above all else. I want to involve, take part in something meaningful. May the days of serving you cheerfully, hunger for your word, praying for one another, having fun together, may those days come back to me, and blessing those who never experience all that before – the joy of truly knowing you, the joy of loving one another, the joy of proclaiming the Truth.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Corinthians 1:18

Just need Jesus

Who will give me a chance? Where do I belong to? Who will accept me? Sometimes I wish I just vanish and no one will know and remember me anymore. I am lost for too long. I forgot how to communicate with people, I forgot how to tolerate, I forgot how to write an article, a cv, or a cover letter, I forgot how to introduce myself, I forgot who I am. Who knows me? Who remembers me? Who will help me? Who will give me a chance? I lost my strength, I lost myself.

I just need a little bit more compassion, I just need a little bit more support, I just need someone to pray for me, I just need a little encouragement, I just need a little reminder, I just need someone who cares, I just need a little bit more understanding, I just need a friend, I just need Jesus.

The world will not be better, but the world will be renewed.

The world would be better if we look after each other interests instead of our own.
The world would be better if we look after the natural environment by sustainable living.
The world would be better if we treat animals properly.
The world would be better if we are honest and humble.
The world would be better if we look after ourselves by eating right and exercise.
The world would be better if we can share our transport.
The world would be better if we open our houses for strangers
The world would be better if we say thank you and please.
The world would be better if we always smile.
The world would be better if we don’t indulge.
The world would be better if we have common hopes and dreams.
The world would be better if we have love.
The world will never be better.
But the world will be renewed, and only the people who love and obey God will be chosen to live there.
I hope I am one of them, waiting for the arrival of that day, while groaning in this fallen world.

Lost

I don’t know what scares me, maybe life in general. I feel like a boat floating in the middle of the ocean, losing it’s direction, have no where to go, no where for support. I tried to escape, to chase my nomadic dream, but I end up here again, facing the realities of life. I don’t know why I have so much fear towards a career. I’m afraid I will lose my freedom, I’m afraid being rejected, I’m afraid of failure, afraid of disappointment. I have no confidence in myself at all, I can’t remember anything I learnt from uni, I don’t have confidence to speak, I can’t speak fluent English, neither Malay or Mandarin. I don’t have money for further education, my results are too bad for scholarships. I don’t have any connection, not belong to any organisation or society. I’m a loner, belongs to no where. I don’t have friends here, feeling infamiliar about everything in Malaysia. What should I do? Where should I go? Here I am being lost again in life. God I pray you open a door for me, pray that you lead me to the place you want me to go, pray that you put the right people in my life. Help me to submit the burdens to you, help me to discern your voice, help me to obey you, help me to fulfil your purpose. I’m desperate for you.

Sustainable living

We are responsible to look after the planet that God has created for us. I found a brilliant website about sustainable living.

KL again

Finally I’m back at home in KL. Feels weird, it’s like being awaken from a beautiful dream, coming back to the reality. Truly New Zealand was like a paradise, I experienced many important events of my life there and she changed my ‘Weltanschauung’ (worldview in German, according to Krissy this word is more appropriate in my situational context). I miss New Zealand, I really do.

Now I’m bit struggling everything I’m facing: life in KL in general. Equality and freedom in New Zealand are things that I long for in Malaysia. I feel somehow restrained, even though I have a lot more freedom in terms of spending and opportunities in life. I grieve for the people in Malaysia, and Asia, and people around the world. For the things they do to each other, or lack for each other, for the injustice, materialism, consumerism, spiritual bondages etc. I wish I can do something, but now I can just pray.

More Gold Coast photos

Aboriginal Dance Show (the live didgeridoo performance was fabulous!)

My baby she was so cute!

Surfers Beach Cinema

I held the snake on my shoulders!

Great polar bears, they so cuddly wish I could cuddle but I don't want to be torn apart!

Gold Coast Visit

I am having a great time in Gold Coast, especially have my best friend live here and showing me around, couldn't be better than this. :)

Firstly visit the Q1 building, the highest residential tower in the world, 20th highest building, overlooked the whole Gold Coast area. After that we watched Ratatoiulle on Surfer's beach under the full bright moonlight. Done some shopping, not much. Yesterday went to Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary, hugged the koala, fed the kangaroos, ride the camel, hold the snake and baby crocodile. Today I went to Seaworld, saw polar bears, dugong, sharks and awesome dolphins, seals and water ski shows. Also, I challenged myself with all the rides, including corkscrew rollercoaster and pirate ship! The rollercoaster was OK but the pirate ship was less desirable, I closed my eyes almost the whole ride, it was so scary, I swear I never want to do it again.

Q1 Building

Surfers beach

Metermaids! (they put coins in people's parking meters)

Camel ride with James

Feeding the roo

I'm in Gold Coast but I miss NZ already!

Well, I was a little bit disappointed when I saw Brisbane, so many people in the airport that almost suffocates me, and there are ugly parts of the city. But it's nice to meet up with my old friend from uni again, looking forward to everything that I will be doing here. :)

Whales

"Little Nick"

"Tiake"

Albatross was flying too fast

Does the sperm whale needs to slow down or us?

Whales and dolphins!

I have fulfilled my childhood dreams of seeing the whales. I went to Kaikoura on Tuesday, and joined the whalewatch tour in Wednesday morning. I saw the sun rising from the edge of the sea, wandering albatrosses, mighty sperm whales, and numerous dusky dolphins. God's creation is truly incredible and wonderful.

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

You have set your glory above the heavens.

From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies,

to silence the foe and the avenger.

When I consider your heavens,

the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars,

which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,

the son of man that you care for him?

You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings

and crowned him with glory and honor.

You made him ruler over the works of your hands;

you put everything under his feet:

all flocks and herds,

and the beasts of the field,

the birds the air,

and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is you name in all the earth!

Sunrise at Kaikoura

Dusky dolphins

More adventures coming...

Finally, I left Te Anau. Got little bit annoyed by the airline for my flight from Queenstown to Christchurch because they put me at the seat near aisle so I can hardly see the view outside. I left my memory card in Te Anau, so had to buy a new one in Christchurch. Stored my luggages in the airport in a hurry, cos I don't want to carry them around, but I forgot to take my toothbrush and toiletries! Anyway, I decided not to brush my teeth for one day and chew gums.

It was amazing the way that people who love God is everywhere. I went to Cathedral Square to wait for the bus. There were two old men standing in front of the cathedral reading the bible out loud. I was very touched and impressed, even more when a wife of one of them came and talk to me. She shared about how God has called her husband to read the bible at the square, and how the world needs the gospel. Also I met a few people who involved with them, they were extremely friendly even it was the first time I met them I feel they are not strangers. We laughed and joked and they gave me some advice. They were like my family, indeed they are. I have a new vision: Graphic arts.

I need to ask God continually about the direction I am going. I'm sure he will answer.

Will see the whales tmrw morning, excited.

Had 2 oysters for tea, satisfied. :)

Amazing how God provides, got free wild rice and tuna salad for lunch, and Jane from Te Anau gave me some ham sandwiches and punnet of strawberries and homemade muesli slice.

Priceless, yummy.